All Comments on 'Paying the Family Debt'

Good story. Write more like this.

I liked the story. Are ther more chapters coming?

U did noughing worng it was great just keep on writing Myabe even a ch2 for this story would be great yummy yummy.

this story was good up until you, for some unknown reason, put in the anal crap; pun intended!

Yes, continue writing, you do a great job! Just don't turn people off by relying on the anal aspect for success. I would have rather read about a good 69 session than the anal stuff.

Over all a good story, had quite a few mistakes that could have been avoided by using spell check and seeing that you were talking about your mother or yourself.

Also the anal was a bit too much and as said below a 69 would have been nice in the story.

I gave it four stars but it came up five somehow.

I was a good FF story with a different twist.

A couple of times, you used a positive when you clearly meant negative (e.g. 'did' instead of 'didn't') and made a few slight mistakes besides, but nothing major.

Ignore the previous comment about the anal stuff: whatever you write, some will be turned on and others turned off. You'll kill your writing if you start trying please everyone or second-guess your readers, so it's best to write for yourself (just note such stuff in the tags). Those who like it will stick with you; the rest will find something to their taste elsewhere.

Overall, good story, well paced. Good build of tension and release. A little heavy on the set-up when weighed against the sex, but if you follow it up - and I hope you will - at least all of that is done and you can get down to the fun stuff earlier and hopefully develop it further.

You need to proof read your story. I am sure that is all that is necessary to pick up the few minor errors. You do write well. Keep it up. Thanks for the story.

Just keep'em cumming. It cums naturally! Thanks.

this story is great all you need now is for your brother to join in to fuck u both

Your brother went from 16 to 10 in the first 3 paragraphs, You need to decide how old he is. Have you reread this? Its a really good story, it just needs cleaning up. Good luck.

Katye43, learn to read. The brother did not change age. "Your brother isn't as mature now as you were when you were 10." Please be correct if you want to be a critic.

... is not writing a second installment right now. And a Debt of Gratitude to you for writing this initial story.

Your story is awesome. I think you can write another chapter. Perhaps add male characters in the movies or make them do kinkier stuff.

One error I spotted so you can fix it is :"After dinner my brother went up to his room to call one of his girlfriends and my brother fell asleep on the couch in the living room"

I think you meant "my son fell asleep on the couch" because her brother can't be in his room and on the couch.

A little mistake in this almost perfect story.

And you only missed 5 for technical problems. For a newbie, you're a natural!

Loved the read, it was really awesome. I think you could add a number of more chapters building them up to do more things. Like for example gangbangs for a really big pay check an other shit like dildo's, bondage equipment, double penetration, triple penetration, more family members brought into the story like mommy's brother/sister if she has any. The only problem I had with this was sometimes you got words mixed and spelling errors. I agree that you need to read over your writing before you post it up not once but twice to make sure it is perfect and you are satisfied. I wish my first story was like this though, got a hell of a lot of bad critics from it but never mind. Hope to hear back from you so i know if there will be more stories coming from this one. email = alexgordon79@yahoo.co.uk

that was so hot.

It got me so wet by the end it had got me off without a touch...

The story was great. Very sexy. I just wish you would pay more atention, ha ha

to your spelling. It kind of throwes us off...

What a story i felt every part of it like i was there , my legs became weak with lust .

Another please

You are doing nothing wrong. Of all the stories i have read on here so far this is the best yet, and i really enjoyed reading it, keep up the great work.

I loved this story but it needs an editor, often the words my, and her, were wrong if you fix the mistakes it would read better.

in the next part you would write about jayne fucking her mother with a strapon cock

Oh my god that was so hot keep up the amazing work!!!

That was a really smokin' hot story. And, you asked, so, proofread, proofread, proofread! It's very disturbing to stumble over words that don't make sense together.

Now, how about a sequel for the next film?

Get it edited and you will have a very good and and more to the point, readable story. As it is, the many flaws do detract but nevertheless you deserve, I think, five stars. So keep on with the writing and don't let negative comments put you off.

As to anal, or anything else for that matter, what a boring world it would be if everyone liked, or disliked the same things!!

Your story is great just try to prof read it at list two times to make sure Spelling's and grammar is right and not right the same word twice

Another great story. Love your details and the way you write. You put soo much emotion into them. Great job

Good writing, very hot story, very good details, I enjoyed the story.

Please make a sequel, that was amazing!

Very good story though the repetition of the first person; 'I loved it and I loved it too' rather than she and I, was a little distracting. Otherwise it was a well thought out and written story. I look forward to reading the next chapter. I appreciate your and your Muse's imagination (memory?) and abilities to bring it to your story. Thank you for sharing your vision and talents.