All Comments on 'Penny's Worth Ch. 09'

This would be a MUCH better story if you stopped going down the path you're so obviously headed on. So now Stella is no more. She's now outgrown Dave and must leave him behind. BLAH!!! How about a touch of reality for a change. Dave is surely smart enough to see where the danger lies. He should have acted before now, where it's clearly too late in you story line. YES, I'll read the final 3 chapters, only because you've mercifully kept them short so far. Dave is an underdeveloped character in this overly drawn-out saga. You introduced him as a military man. Perhaps there is more to him than we've been led to believe so far???

So last chapter she just starts with Suarez, and this chapter opens with her indicating she's his sex foil for, weeks? Months? Guess the details don't matter; you have bigger fish to fry?

And as if it couldn't get more ridiculous, you give us these lines: "The hotel had become more of a place to go to get out of the house. I was looking for something to add a little excitement to my life." WTF? She's supposedly a highly paid escort, aiding a foreign national in international business espionage, and she's bored? Never mind. After this much nonsense and drivel why am I even talking to you?

Yeah, I know you've got this big plot punch line you're building up to. Well, by this point the story is so lame you could have Penny/Vivian/Stella end up being an assassin working for Mossad on contract from the CIA to kill Bonnietaylor2, who is really a space alien plotting to turn Dave into a houseplant, just like herself. Of course Dave is too stupid to be a houseplant, so Bonnie will at last have found someone to be her soul mate and intellectual equal. And they all live happily ever after. Now was that so hard?

a penny

This story continues to draggle slowly and each part worst than the previous...1*

The problem of the slow pace could be easily solved by combining 2 chapters into one entry. As of now, each chapter is only one Literotica page long, which is quite short. Probably the average length for stories is 2-3 pages. I also think that for the average reader a 2 page entry wouldn't be a problem, and it would give more of a sense of pace, more likely that obvious plot-relevant developments would be present in each (extended) chapter.

For example, it's been noted .. this diversion with Ivory sort of just hangs there, not connectd to anything. Possibly it will, but right now it reads like a time-filling detour.

Con

It drags; yes it does, the action is poorly described-except for the sex scenes

characters; 2 dimensional, little backstory and no real conflict between them

plot; reads like the script of an Ed Wood film or it could be excepts from The Love Guru or The Interview Where's the GOP when we need them?

Pro

concept; good, it's past time where a few stereotypes about callgirls/courtesans were broken. Dewi Sukarno, the Gabor Sisters, Charo Cugat, Zahia Dehar, Ashley Dupre, Karima El Mahroug and the Kano Sisters will all look favorably on your efforts

humour; not enough and poorly contrived but it's there

story definitely needs to be tightened up, chapters could be longer, more attention to plot and character development would be nice, needs conflict-a good antagonist or antagonists are required,

Quinn as mentor and instigator she should have been a stronger character.

Dave; Where is he? Make him more credible, if he's an intermittent character make him an active USN Service member onboard a sub or bluewater ship.

focus; needs more support showing Stella's evolution from a gifted amateur whore to Vivian's emergence as a svelte and connected professional courtesan.

The problem here is less with the writing of the story than with what the story reveals: a loveless, mercenary act, in which sex is the labor power the player is selling to a paying customer, each exploiting the weaknesses of the other for their own gain by seeking a form of validation -- one in the form of money (how most value is measured in this most profoundly commercial of societies) and one (or, in some cases, perhaps both) in the form of sex but devoid of the joy of love given freely. Now, both parties in the transaction know at least some of that (or should know it) going in. But how long before the wall breaks down and her whole life becomes merely a cynical play, one in which eventually even her willing husband increasingly fades into her background, becoming merely an unwitting part of a cold drama in what started out to him as a hot fantasy? Maybe Quinn the mentor got out in time before she became thoroughly corrupted. But what about her tarnished successor?

These stories aren't even worth a ha'penny all together.