Perfect Imperfections Ch. 06

"Erm, alone. I have to use the bathroom, excuse me." Emil replied awkwardly before squeezing his way through the throng.

"How possessive, Brandon darling. And where's my drink?" I asked amusedly.

"Laters Alec baby." As he drew me in for a searing-hot kiss. "I can't have you owning that twink's ass tonight."

My response? I drew his hand to my crotch, feeling my arousal at the entire situation. I looked up and I saw that lust and something else clouding his eyes. Something more ... heartfelt.

At one point on our outrageously long flight back home across the Pacific via Tokyo, Brandon drew up the arm rest separating our two seats and placed a hand on my thigh, underneath our blankets. I was in the window seat and he in the aisle. He fell asleep and his head rested on my shoulder, his hand still on my thigh. It was an extremely reassuring weight and I gradually fell asleep, my head lying slightly on his, hands clasped together. It was a position I could get used to. I am in love with my best buddy and there is nothing neither myself nor anyone could do about it.

Fast-forward to fall and we were back in college and in my room. Me lying on his chiseled chest after a good fuck, absent-mindedly tracing his nipple with a finger. I could feel his hot cum in my ass, leaking out of my hole.

"Bran, Edith...Do I need to be concerned?" I sat up straight suddenly, straddling his chest in one quick motion as my hands reached back and started stroking his rapidly hardening cock.

Brandon had asked to meet for a study session in the library and I saw Edith with him, sharing a desk. She left for her class just right before I sat down at the table. Edith is a girl from our year he had taken an interest in. Whatever she lacked in intellectual capacity and personality were made up for in her looks. We gave up trying to study after an hour and headed to my place instead.

That is where and why we ended up fucking and me using sex to hold Brandon to ransom.

"N-no" His breath caught as I leaned back and stroked his inner thigh and starting fingering the sensitive edges of his puckered hole with a finger.

"Sure, Brandon?"

"Yeah, it's just a flirtation...fuck, Alec! He moaned as I began to finger-fuck him. And that was the end of any serious conversation as I prised him open while straddling him and leaning back. As for him, he could not have said anything even if he had wanted to - my dick was in his mouth.

And so, our peculiar arrangement continued throughout the entire fall and winter. He continued to flirt, or rather, date Edith and we continued to fuck. Did that mean less time spent together being just friends and doing nothing in particular? Yes. And I felt empty, bereft of something I could not pinpoint.

We acted as best friends in public, and lovers in private. He gave me his assurance that he and Edith were nothing serious. And I believed him, like I have in everything for the past few years.

Darius, my best friend, naturally was privy to all these comings and goings, and was concerned.

"All ready to visit your parents in Singapore? Your flight is tonight right?" Darius asked as we met for coffee a day before New Year's Eve.

"Yeah, all packed and ready to go. First time flying Japan Airlines' new Boeing 787 Dreamliner and not spending New Year's Eve with Brandon in a few years..."

"By the way Alec, these developments with Brandon and Edith are not sustainable."

"Development that meets the needs of the future without compromising on the ability of the current to meet its." I dodged with a smirk.

"For fuck's sake, we are not in a sustainable development tutorial now Alec. I'm serious. I hate to see you get hurt cos of this dude who refuses to come out of the closet and acknowledge that you mean so much more to him than just 'best buddies' " Darius murmured softly, his face radiating with genuine concern.

"I know you care Darius, but shall we go? Brandon and Edith will be here soon. And I don't want to be here. It will be awkward."

"See what I mean Alec? You love him. Irrevocably so. It is eating at you from the inside like a cancer. You know it and let it be. Besides, how do you know they will be here?" Darius sighed as he bent over to pack his bag and we cleared our table in the café of our belongings.

"He just texted me saying he will be here with Edith like now. I know his schedule, a bit too well eh?" I sighed softly.

"What schedule? Dude, you have access to his mind, heart and body, inside out. You two have been fucking for what, almost four years?! It's so obvious that you two are not just friends. Dude, you gotta do something or you're gonna get hurt at the end!" Darius half snapped back while still gathering his things under the table.

"Chill man Darius. I will handle it. And lower your volume before someone else hears." I smiled back, knowing that Darius was right, as usual.

"Excuse me?" A voice chimed behind me. Fuck, my heart sank. I recognised that voice. Man, speak of the devil. One look at Darius' face confirmed my worst fears, Edith was right behind me.

"Hello Edith." I smiled as I turned back and greeted her as evenly as I could.

"Is it true, Alec?"

"What are you talking about, Edith?" I smiled weakly. I saw Brandon stride into the café just then. He saw us, standing awkwardly and a flash of concern crossed his face as he walked towards us.

"IS IT TRUE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN SLEEPING WITH BRANDON ALL ALONG, YOU FAG?!" Edith screeched, with tears in her eyes. In that instant, I felt sorry for her.

I swallowed, not knowing how to answer. Thank god we were the only patrons in the café on a lazy winter afternoon. Everyone froze, the baristas, Darius and Brandon. I saw his concern turn to fear then to rage and then to something else. For a while, I thought that his rage was directed at Edith's word choice.

"Edith..." Brandon began.

"Tell me, it's not true, Brandon. TELL ME" Edith shouted.

"Edith, it was way before us. It was a mistake. I'm sorry. Alec and I are...just just" Brandon glanced at me beseechingly. As though he was begging me to back up his story. I could feel Darius tense up next to me, gritting his teeth in anger.

I cannot find an adjective that can accurately describe how I felt then. It was as if all life was sucked out of me. As though my world had darkened into an Arctic winter and I was trapped under a frozen lake, seeing nothing outside the layer of ice encapsulating me and drowning. Slowly, but surely. Have you ever had snow blowing directly into your eyes and face incessantly, chiseling away at what it could? That was how I felt then. Only that I bled. Something in me had died and taken away all the light I had. For all my intellect, I could not fathom a way out of this downward spiral into the abyss.

"I see, a mis-take." I said softly, as though I was testing the word, while staring at the two of them. The entire café was so silent that one could hear a pin drop. "Take in error. Did you take something from me in error, by accident? So the past four years were an error? Last night you cleaning the floor of my room with your knees was a careless mistake?" Our eyes locked and there was nothing but sadness and regret in his, and probably mine too. A tiny part of me knew that he regretted what he had just said. But that could not paper over my anguish.

"Better to realise your mistaken choice than never." I continued as I looked at Edith. "Even four years later."

I grabbed my backpack and left the café a broken man. I hailed a cab and jumped on it before Darius could catch up with me. As I headed home, my dam broke and I felt the tears roll down my face, staining my cardigan. I knew I was in no mood to see anyone for the next few weeks until school starts again next year. I had to leave, to regroup and recover. Somewhere no one can reach me. Somewhere I have always wanted to go. Somewhere to start the New Year afresh.

That was how I found myself three hours later staring out of the window as the plane began to taxi on the tarmac towards the runway, and my phone still buzzing with incoming messages from Darius, Brandon and Jasper, and tons of missed calls from them. My heart and mind were as dark as the winter's late afternoon outside. I heard the Japanese announcement welcoming us aboard the Japan Airlines flight to Osaka. Thank god for my frequent flyer status; changing my flights and destination from Singapore to Osaka would have been another nightmare otherwise. I put my mind to translating the announcement into English, visualizing the Japanese hiragana, katakana and kanji characters as they were broadcast. Anything but him.