by jamesmarlowe
So many characters, jumping between 'scenes'. It might be orderly in your head but after two readings I gave up before the end of page one. It looks like you have a big, possibly good, story to tell but you give the reader too much work to do to get into it. I'd suggest using a proof reader before publishing.
Chapter 7 of WHAT? I tried looking at your list of stories. 9 stories. Which ones are chapters of this story and which aren't? Of the ones that are, what's the order? Yeah, the dates would indicate the order, but that's immaterial. YOU know the order. It is NOT the readers’ job to have to figure this out, regardless of whether it’s easy or hard. It’s YOUR job to provide this information.
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I can only conclude you don’t give a fuck about your own story or the readers, so I have I have to qualms giving this an automatic rating of 1.