All Comments on 'Photo Finish'

Sorry, but huge chunks of this read like a police statement. You need to loosen up, right longer sentences and use dialogue to build up the mood. Concentrate more on how you feel, what the sensations are, rather than the mechanics of inserting one body part into another.

but why the hurry, why not her coming back for more or an other session friend being ok with it ?

and make sure that the action flows properly. You wrote: "As each photo appeared on the large plasma screen, one more erotic than the next, " which would seem to say that the later photos were MORE erotic that the earlier ones.

Surely, you meant "As each photo appeared on the large plasma screen, one more erotic than the one before"?

Indeed "Photo Finish" read like a procedural. But the action, the responses, the narrator's thoughts were enhanced by his dispassionate tone. There was a frisson thanks to observation and participation. An alternative version could have been seen through the eyes of a barely in control photographer frothing over some voluptuous woman and her obliging boyfriend. Sure, there might've been better sex, and that told far more vividly. However, the telling and payout would've been less rewarding. Some bangs are just as powerful without being loud and messy. "Photo Finish" was one of them.

Wish I could share my bride like this. I would also like to clean up her cream pie.