Pilgrimage

Donna hadn't seen my car. When she did, she laughed.

"It's cute," she said, "but does it actually go?"

I wasn't offended. By American standards it was small and antique. We took a scenic route from Winchester to Salisbury, stopping at a country public house for lunch. By that time Donna was delighted with the journey. It might have been slow but she was seeing more of England that she would have done by train or by coach travelling on main roads.

We reached Salisbury just as it was getting dark. If I can help it, I don't drive my car after dark. The headlights are pathetic.

After Donna and I had put our overnight things in the hostel dormitories, we met in the members' kitchen. The hostel was almost empty, unlike the crowds of French schoolchildren at Winchester.

During the day Donna and I had discussed our relationship dilemmas without reaching any conclusions. As we sat drinking more of my Darjeeling tea, Donna suddenly said:

"What were the exact words that Gwen wrote?"

They were firmly imprinted on my memory.

"She said 'If Bronwyn says no, think about the sister.' That was it."

"The critical words are 'If' and 'Think', aren't they, Harry?"

"I know. Until that note, all I had thought about Gwen was that she would be a great sister-in-law. I liked her..."

"But didn't love her?" Donna prompted.

"No." I surprised myself with that definite answer.

"Why not?" Donna asked.

"I'm trying to work that out, Donna. Was it because I only had eyes for Bronwyn? Perhaps. Was it because I didn't really know Gwen? Possibly? Or is it because Gwen can't talk and I couldn't relate to her as I could with Bronwyn? I don't think so. Gwen, despite having no voice, can convey her meaning very effectively. I knew she liked and approved of me, but I thought that was as a potential brother-in-law. Those few written words changed everything."

"And Gwen knew they would. That was very deliberate." Donna suggested.

"I know. Why did Gwen write them? If only I knew. Was it exasperation with Bronwyn's indecision? I don't think so. They were almost a declaration, but of what? Love for me? I think she would have been more definite if that is what she meant. Or just that I might be a possible boyfriend?"

"You've been tearing yourself apart over those words, haven't you, Harry?"

"No. I haven't. At least I don't think so. Gwen's words were a shock but they were as nothing compared to Bronwyn's indecision. That changed everything. Until she didn't accept my proposal I had been building castles in the air. I had thought we would announce or celebrate our engagement at a Valentine's Day party, and be planning to get married this year. Of course I would have expected Bronwyn to decide what we would do and when, not follow my fantasy plans. The Bride is the most important person at a wedding, not the Groom."

"And your castles in the air crumbled into dust? Did you propose too soon? How long had you and Bronwyn been an item?"

"On New Year's Eve we had been together for eight months. That's since we decided we were boyfriend and girlfriend. We had been friends for years as part of a larger group of friends. I first took Bronwyn out?" I paused to think. "It was two years ago for a Barn Dance when our normal partners weren't available. We had spent a couple of evenings at the theatre each year."

"Had anything happened after those?" Donna asked.

"A parting kiss on the cheek, a brief hug perhaps? That's all."

"And were those kisses and hugs the same as with any other female friend?"

"Yes. There were other women during that time who were just as faintly demonstrative. But I had a couple of short-lived girlfriends. Bronwyn had couple of boyfriends. They didn't last."

"Why not?"

Why hadn't they? I hadn't really analysed why those relationships hadn't lasted. I knew the stated reasons for my ex-girlfriends. Were they correct? Why were Bronwyn's ex-boyfriends? I ought to know. They were all in our wider group of friends.

"I'm thinking, Donna. I need to review them in my mind. More tea?"

"Yes please, Harry, and let's switch the subject to my Greg while you think."

"OK, Donna. What about your Greg?"

"I've enjoyed today and yesterday. I like your knowledge of England and the countryside you have shown me. But I would have enjoyed it more if Greg had been with us. He should have been. He had booked time off but his employers wanted him to stay a couple of weeks to finish a project."

"A threesome? Would that work?"

"You and I aren't a couple. We are two strangers temporarily enjoying each other's company knowing it won't lead anywhere. A foursome? You and Bronwyn..."

"Or Gwen."

"OK. Or Gwen. And me and Greg. I think that would be more enjoyable. I know Greg will be jealous of my tour around England. Maybe we can repeat it when we are married..."

"When, Donna? That sounds like a decision."

"Oh Heck! It does, doesn't it? It just came out. Should I have said 'if'?"

"Not if you really mean 'when'. No, you shouldn't. Think about it. Was it unconscious? A slip of the tongue? Wishful thinking? Or..."

"Or do I really want to be married to Greg?"

Donna came close to me. Her hands went either side of my head as she pulled me into a brief kiss. She pulled back slightly. Her hands slid down to hold my arms.

"Harry, that was a thank you for today and yesterday. It was also an experiment. Would I want to be kissing Greg, not you? Would you want to be kissing Bronwyn? Or Gwen?"

Neither of us answered because Donna kissed me again. This kiss was much longer and more passionate. We were responding to each other. Was it a kiss between friends? Or potential lovers? I didn't think so. It was a kiss between friends who were helping each other. We were short of breath when it ended. Somehow my arms had wrapped around Donna, and hers were around me.

"Well, Donna?" I asked. "Have you answered your question? Greg? Or me? I liked kissing you but should I?"

"I like kissing Harry," Donna replied, "but it is nothing like kissing Greg. What about you? Bronwyn? Or Gwen?"

"I don't know. I have never kissed Gwen. She's kissed me. Twice. Neither were as serious as our kiss just now. Bronwyn's kisses, until New Year's Eve, were much more passionate. But I would like to try kissing Gwen properly."

"And I want to kiss Greg," Donna replied. "We have been too distant, too undemonstrative. I want to grab him and do this..."

Donna's mouth covered mine. Her tongue slid into my mouth. Her breasts pressed against me and I was very aware of erect nipples digging into me. This was no friendly kiss. This was a kiss from an aroused woman who wanted sex -- now!

When we broke the kiss we were still holding each other tightly.

"I shouldn't have done that," Donna admitted.

"WE shouldn't," I said, "but I enjoyed it."

Donna took that as an invitation for a repeat performance. We were entwined in a close embrace for minutes. This time we let go all our inhibitions about kissing someone we shouldn't. If we had been in a bedroom that kiss would have ended in bed. What ended it was hearing footsteps in the corridor. The footsteps passed but they had broken our clinch.

We were still awkward with each other. We knew we shouldn't have been so passionate. As we prepared our meal I began to reach some conclusions about our earlier discussions.

"I'm going to telephone Carol tomorrow morning," I announced. "I don't know what might have happened between Bronwyn and Gwen this weekend."

"And I'm going to phone my mother's friend in London," Donna said. "She's my contact in England. I'll be meeting Greg at her house when he arrives."

"What about the rest of tomorrow? A tour of Salisbury, and a visit to Stonehenge? How does that sound?"

"Great, Harry, unless our phone calls alter our plans."

"Have you come to a decision about Greg?"

"Yes. I want to kiss him just like..."

"And I want to kiss Gwen."

"Gwen? You've decided? Not Bronwyn?"

"Not Bronwyn. I've been thinking about why her former boyfriends became ex-boyfriends. For all of them I think the real reason was that Bronwyn didn't want a permanent relationship. For all I know, all of them might have proposed and been rejected, or had no decision from her. I don't know Gwen well enough to choose her as a wife -- yet, but I think I'll enjoy finding out."

"You'll tell Carol?"

"Perhaps. But I will have to tell Bronwyn face to face. I can't ditch her by proxy."

"Whatever happens, I want to see Salisbury, and Stonehenge, with Harry."

"You do?"

"Yes. I've enjoyed our time together, even if it might end tomorrow."

"End tomorrow? Why?"

"We don't know. I just have a feeling that things will come to a head for both of us tomorrow. If we continue together, we might..."

"Go further than we should?"

"Yes, Harry. We're enjoying kissing each other too much. If we stay together longer..."

"We might forget Greg, Bronwyn and Gwen?"

"No. We might complicate our already complex relationships. I like you. You like me. But we are strangers who should part and move on before we become more than strangers. Even if there are no developments tomorrow I think we should end."

"I'll miss you, Donna."

"I'll miss you too, Harry, but we have helped sort each other out. I want Greg. You want Gwen. My advice to you is to end this trip tomorrow night. Go back home. Tell Bronwyn and grab Gwen, as I'll grab Greg."

"I'll be jealous of Greg."

"And I'll be jealous of Gwen. We don't need to be. We want them. If Greg and Gwen were here, now, who do you think we would kiss?"

"You're right. We'd probably leave this sex-separated hostel and find a hotel with comfortable double beds. You'd show Greg what he's been missing..."

"I shouldn't. But you're right. That's what I want to do."

After our meal we booked into the hostel for Monday night as well.

We walked into Salisbury and found a pair of phone boxes. I rang Carol while Donna was phoning her mother's friend.

Carol was relieved that I had phoned.

"Harry," she said. "I forced a confrontation yesterday. Without telling my daughters I invited James for afternoon tea. I had prompted him but he told Bronwyn very clearly that he had been taking Gwen out, not you. Bronwyn burst into tears. None of us knew why but James held her while she cried.

Finally she admitted the truth. She was jealous of Gwen, not because of you, but because of James. James was startled. He hadn't known that Bronwyn thought of him like that. He had assumed that she was almost engaged to you. Gwen wrote that she had no claim whatever on James who had behaved very well with her. If Bronwyn wants James, Gwen would be very happy for them.

James was still holding Bronwyn. He kissed her. Behind Bronwyn's back Gwen held a thumbs-up to me. Then she wrote:

'Bronwyn, you can have James, but I want Harry. OK?'

She showed it to Bronwyn. Bronwyn smiled and said 'OK, little sister, he's yours.'

So, Harry. It's up to you. Bronwyn wants James. Gwen wants you. They don't know you would be phoning me. What are you going to do?"

"Carol, first of all I'm going to say thank you. You're a great Mum. You've sorted them out. If you eventually become my Mother-in-Law, I'll owe you a debt I can't repay. What I'm going to do is come back tomorrow. Can I come to see you all tomorrow evening?"

"Of course you can, Harry. What will you do when you get here?"

"Grab Gwen and kiss her, then kiss you, then Bronwyn. After that, I'll kiss Gwen a few times more. That do?"

Carol laughed.

"Yes, Harry. That should do. I'll leave it as a surprise for them. See you tomorrow evening."

When Donna came out of the phone box she was smiling broadly. She grabbed me for a long kiss.

We went for a coffee to exchange our news. Hers was as good as mine. Greg would arrive at Heathrow Wednesday evening because his project had finished early. She would grab Greg and show him how much she'd missed him. According to her mother's friend, Greg was nearly as impatient as Donna was.

What Greg and Donna had discovered was that they had been too close to see each other clearly. A short separation had shown that they wanted to be much more than friends.

Salisbury and Stonehenge, although enjoyable, were an anticlimax. We both wanted to be elsewhere with someone else. I had prayed in the cathedral, thanks for solving our dilemma's but still praying for Gwen's voice.

On Tuesday we made our way slowly back towards London, again stopping for a lunch in a public house. We exchanged home addresses before I dropped Donna outside her mother's friend's house.

At my flat I unloaded my car, showered and changed, before walking to Carol's house.

Gwen answered the front door. She paled and opened her mouth in surprise. A sound came out. That startled both of us.

I opened my arms. Gwen jumped into a hug. I lifted her off the ground and hugged her fiercely. I walked into the hallway still carrying her. Carol shut the front door behind us as I started to kiss Gwen.

Carol's arms went around both of us. Bronwyn walked out of the kitchen, saw the group hug, and added herself to it. Somehow we all moved into the kitchen. Bronwyn detached herself and started making coffee as Gwen continued to kiss me passionately.

As our kiss ended I looked at Gwen still wrapped in my hug. Carol kissed my cheek. Bronwyn kissed the other one.

Gwen opened her mouth. She seemed to be struggling for breath. Finally she whispered.

"I love you Harry."

It was faint but the first words Gwen had spoken for three years. Carol burst into tears. Gwen turned her head.

"I love you too, Mum -- and Bronwyn."

The 'Bronwyn' was a real effort but Gwen was delighted that she had said it.

"Bronwyn," she repeated louder. "Bronwyn, my big, silly, loving sister."

Bronwyn was crying too, tears of relief, tears of gladness.

"Bronwyn?" We were all waiting for Gwen's next words.

"Harry's mine. Hands off!" Gwen said very clearly.

"I know he is, Gwen. James is mine. Thank you, little sister."

"You can kiss him, Bronwyn," Gwen continued with more confidence, "but only when I'm there. Now Harry and I have some kissing to do."

Gwen led me to the living room, pushed me on to the settee, climbed on my lap and proceeded to give me kisses more passionate than any I had shared with Bronwyn, or Donna. Carol brought our mugs of coffee, put them down, and left us.

An hour later Carol announced that dinner was ready. In that hour Gwen had extended her vocabulary, telling me all the things she wanted to do with me. She told me we were going to go on holiday together from Friday evening, or earlier if she could get Thursday and Friday off work, and would stay in hotels with double beds.

She rang her office first thing Thursday morning. They were incredulous at first. Gwen was speaking on the telephone! Carol had to confirm that yes, it was Gwen, and she had her voice back.

By Thursday lunchtime we were in my car heading for a hotel near Chichester, and after that, who knows? Who cares? Gwen and I were together.

A few weeks later Gwen and I went to the local Valentine's Day dance as a couple. James and Bronwyn were there too, wrapped around each other nearly as tightly as us. So were Greg and Donna before they went back to Boston to announce their engagement.

I danced a couple of dances with Bronwyn and with Donna. James and Greg danced with all three women. I think they were surprised, and Greg shocked, that the women kissed all three men so ferociously. They recovered and enjoyed it. Gwen dragged Donna off me, kissed me briefly, and pushed Donna back into my arms.

"Kiss him Donna. I owe you a lot for sorting him out."

"Thank you Gwen. I owe Harry too. Talking about you and Bronwyn made me think about Greg, and that I really wanted him."

"So do I, Donna. Greg needs practice in kissing. It's fun teaching him, and watching him blush..."

"Leave some teaching for me, Gwen."

"I will. Now practise with Harry."

Donna didn't answer. She was too busy teaching me.

For the last dance we were in our correct pairs tightly wrapped together. After the dance Gwen and I drove Donna and Greg back to London. They weren't seeing the sights of London. They were too busy on the back seat.

After kisses all round when we left Donna and Greg, I drove to Trafalgar Square, parked the car, and took Gwen's hand as we walked towards Nelson's Column. I sat her on the edge of one of the fountains before kneeling down. I was about to propose.

"You don't need words, Harry," Gwen said above me. "Neither do I."

She pulled me up into a kiss, and we were engaged as the chimes of Big Ben rang for midnight on Valentine's Day.