All Comments on 'Play Party'

Am I wrong to assume that there's a chapter 2 ?

This story would have been better if you had not kept changing from present to past tense.

You are telling what has happened, not what is happening from your perspective right now.

But good story and my comments apply to quite a few writers.

It isn't clear to me what the point of this story is supposed to be. Is the author writing a fantasy that he personally gets off on? If so, then there is a big dose of angst/insecurity in the story.

As the protagonist says "But she definitely broke some of the rules we made for ourselves for this party." Not only that, she also does not speak the truth about what happens. Given this, the protagonist only comes across as a latent cuckold making excuses like not being in a position to judge.

I think the story is OK. It's just not clear what sort of fantasy this is supposed to be.

Just a cheating girl friend. Why would you want to stay with a cheater. How could you ever trust her.

I don't have a problem with her losing control and having the sex. I,don't have her having the guy come in her. I have a problem not telling her boyfriend and begging for forgiveness.

I would also but an end to her "friendship" with Natasha. She is no friend and put her in harms way. She new she was not on BC and new that she didn't want him to cum in her and new that he wouldn't like what was going on but planned it and made it all happen anyway. That is no friend.

What a great way to break the suspense. Loved the story. Getting fucked with the knowledge you can get pregnant is a fantastic rush. Love it. Xoxoxo Annette

Well written story - the build up was a bit long, but ok. You could have put more into the last page and less into the first two. But the idea was different, amd the idea of Natasha and Emily's involvement made it more interest. Personally I'd like to hear more about the different relationships -- Emily with Jen and/or the author. Natasha with the author, etc. Grammar, spelling, etc. all good. The folks who worry about how one can trust a cheater - who is the cheater, both cheated, so go from there. Besides it is just a sexy story, not a ethical essay.

How was it cheating?

Good story. I liked the realness of the characters, though I'm uncomfortable with the lack of consent in the scene at the end. (But if that's the way it happened ....)

I'm disappointed in some of the comments. Nobody posts a story to be insulted or told what to do in their personal life.

For the comment 'Judging by the last sentence' - There will eventually be another chapter, but it will probably be a while. It took a lot longer than I had expected to get this one out, and finding the time is tough!

For the comment 'Tense' - After I reread the story, I did realize that I had missed some of the past to present tense issues. Originally, I did the story as two parts, one in the past and the other in the present, then went back to make them all past tense. I'll be more careful next time. It was the first story I'd ever written, so I kind of expected a few mistakes.

For the comment 'Confused' - I never really thought about the point of the story. My ex-girlfriend and I would talk about different scenarios and occasionally tell each other stories as part of foreplay or when we were traveling and apart from one another. This was a story written out of one of the stories that I never told her before we broke up. I thought it was hot and that everyone else would like, so I wrote it out. At first I thought about just doing the scenes at the end at the party, and I think that would have made the whole thing much more pointed. But I thought that the buildup, setup, and character development was important enough to spend the time on those first couple pages.

For the comment 'Well Written, Good Job' - Thanks! I thought about writing out a lot more of the relationships here. All the people in the story are based on real people in my life, so I have plenty to say about them. The problem was that when I started going down that path I realized that I wasn't going to have time to finish the story in a reasonable amount of time, and I only had about half a day to write it. I could have come back and done more later, but I know if I had done that it may never have been finished. In the future I'll try to go down more of the relationship paths and see how that looks.

AnnetteBishop - Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked the story :-) As a fantasy, I think that the idea of losing control and the possibility of pregnancy is hot.

For the comment 'Good Story' - Thanks! As I noted in the paragraph above, the non-consent / losing control theme is something that I think is hot and so part of this story. But I definitely see where you're coming from on the non-consent issue though. I meant to convey a feeling of consent, but only because the character lost control of herself. It wasn't meant to be the guy taking advantage of the woman at all. Instead it was supposed to be a reprisal of something that happened earlier in the story where she (Jenn) held the guy (Jason) inside of her while he finishing and thus almost did not have the opportunity to pull out, even though she had asked him to. This was to show that she had totally lost control. I should have described this better. But like I said, it was my first story and I'll do a better job on the next one.

And finally for everyone else; this wasn't an essay on ethics, a commentary on morality in relationships, or a question about how I should move forward with a relationship. It is just a hot story that I never told to a hot girl to get her riled up so she would have sex with me. Thanks for taking the time to comment though!

I would love that. I would have suggested it to her.

Very hot story, although the pretext of the one girl needing lube was very silly. Hope you will keep writing.

I love the story, love hot cu. in unprotected pussy, excellent. Xoxoxox Annette

This is the only comment I have every left on this site. Your story is my favorite on literotica by far. Something about your style puts me right in the place of the characters. The desperation of it is immense. Plus all the guilt, sadness, anger, confusion, lust, and ecstasy makes the story so raw. The speed at which I was able to completely be immersed in the story was shocking. Please keep up the writing, you have a real talent. Forget the sex stories, write novels.

I've been reading erotic literature for years and I promise you, YOU are the best at building the rules that are (accidentally) broken between couples without ruining relationships!

You have a gift and I'm begging you for more of these CLASS stories....??

I love seduction stories in which someone loses control and transgresses self-imposed boundaries, and IMO this is a really good one.

If you like this story and are looking for others in a similar vein, you might try Best Friends Help in the Incest/Taboo section.