by Dreamlover
you need to edit this story a lot--many mistakes; mixed metaphors; bad grammer; etc. You have a great story, but the poor editing detracts from the overall readability.
Was this supposed to be a bit satirical of some of the rougher erotica, or just that's how you see sex? I would've given a 4 rating if it wasn't for the typos, and the borderline abuse. I doubt any person (besides the morally bankrupt or truly insane) could do that, while talking like that, to their own flesh and blood.
The scene was hot, but the vocabulary and grammer mistakes caused the story to not flow, too many interrupts and detracts from the story
Really hot!!!! Got me Fucking horny right here with my family all around!!! I hope there would be a follow up. I wish this would happen to me
Ugh, the grammar was HORRIBLE! Some spots you couldn't even figure out what he meant. ...and daddy must have balls the size of an elephant to be shooting that much cum, lol.
She's worried about him having to go to the hospital? He ripped up her pussy, raped and ripped up her ass, she's prolly bleeding out both holes, then he shoves his shit covered dick back in her pussy again! I'd say she's gonna be the one in the ER for a long time! Rofl.
I don't even know how I want to rate this one. Daddy doesn't seem to give two shits about her, hell or women in general for that matter, the only love you felt in the story was the tWiSteD love from his lil' psychopath daughter ;)
Meh, I think the story could've been saved with a couple editing ventures, all the issues sucked the fun out of it though. I still appreciate the effort that went into writing it, maybe it was a lot better before being converted to english.
Where do I start? 12 inches??? SERIOUSLY??? Then it doubles in size in girth??And don't get me started on the horrible grammar!!! Do you think anyone in their right mind would believe ANY of this? The stumbling across the room spurting cum everywhere? You just made my list of "NEVER TO READ WRITERS AGAIN" list.
however... technically, he didn't loose... this was only supposed to be a 30 min. handjob! (and even if the length/girth issue was believable, that's some serious cumming! lol)
He should have waited on the anal part. Let the first time be a sweet memory. The anal was too much the first time. But, up until that point it was hot!