All Comments on 'Powder and Steel'

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. The style, word choice, and vision are all delicious. I really hope you release more. If this is a one shot let me know. Otherwise I will keep looking for more. This really spoke to me in a great way. Thank you for creating this piece.

~Fiorerioben@gmail.com

I want more, please?

Your writing sets a mood quite well, but you might want to think about drastically cutting down on the adverbs. There's way too many, which results in unnessarily convoluted sentences. Some appear as though you don't know what they mean, e.g. " His eyes steadily bore into her LACONICALLY for a moment longer."(You also switched from past tense to present tense there)

There are also things like this: "Her hand released its grip, sighing heavily as she dug through her pocketbook, searching." You've made her hand sigh heavily.

I really enjoyed this story, however I wasn't sure if there are 3 different men here, or if two of them are the same? What I mean is, there is a guy from the bar, one who stole her knife, and one who had a gun... are any of them the same man?

Definitely just one guy. I thought that was implied.

The setting of the story is great. And your choice of the name Nelly just added to it.

The noir atmosphere is beautifully rendered and wholly envelopes the man and woman, never clearing to dispel the mystery. I especially enjoyed your disciplined use of a tight POV from her inner thoughts. This ratchets up the drama. And the raw spiral into their fucking at the end is one of the best scenes I've encountered on Lit.

Putting on my editor hat, I agree with one of the anon commenters: some well-placed nips and tucks would sharpen and tighten your prose.

Looking forward to reading more of your stories, privatedeviancies.

That was fucking amazing.

I've never commented before but I'm so glad i came online tonight. 😌