All Comments on 'Power Game: Orc vs Elf'

OK...your forward as it were, talked about a wow parody...but I have to say your creation story for the orc race is not world of Warcraft based. I knew that even before I played Burning Crusade. Yours is more Tolkien based, but you probably know that, who hasn't read the Silmarillion?

Still it was pretty hot even though the whole orc troll, orge section felt forced....4/5

I enjoyed the beginning dialogue very much; that was creative, and the tone was slightly over-the-top that, for me, hinted what kind of mindset I should have right off the bat ("just for fun, not so serious"). It sounded very much like a melodrama or a faux-Shakespearean performance, so just sit back and watch. I liked that the orc was fascinated with the she-elf in a lusty but not hateful way.

The second act going back and explaining how they got into this verbal duel in the first place was okay, but it was mostly an explanation (and you probably didn't need the race origins in there at all to wigg out Tolkien vs WOW McNitpicks, just say: Elves and Orcs fighting). Could have used more "show" and less "tell."

The third act, the conquering, was all show and pretty good. I liked the creativity for overcoming the skin spell, but...given that he only did 1 thing and 1 thing only (spanking) when there are a lot of other things one can do to tease a restrained partner, I *wanted* that slow break down to last a little longer. The dialogue for the final submission is fine enough as it is...just for me, needed a little more effort on the orc's part to EARN those words. That's the delight of a power struggle for me. :)

But yeah, I liked it. It wouldn't take a lot to edit it (remove origins, add in more creative teasing) to turn it from a 4-star to a 5-star story. :) Good job.

Beautiful writing. Thank you for sharing.

Quite subtle and written with skill...I enjoyed it. You should write more, hovewer it is for more demanding readers.