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Flip pushed his shorts down towards Rachel as she helped him slide them off. He smiled at her and sat back into the couch with a satisfied thud. His dick was pointing straight up and it looked like it was ready to explode. Rachel wasn't sure the last time she'd seen someone so painfully turned on.
She suddenly felt a bit of relief as she considered that it probably wouldn't take much effort (or time) to get him off. But that still didn't change anything. She was about to suck this boy's dick. Just some guy who happened to be lucky enough to be present when she'd shown up. He'd already watched her give head and have sex from a few feet away. And now he had her. She was on the floor in front of him and about to give him the release he was so desperately craving. All because she'd been asked.
Realizing that delaying it wasn't going to make it go away, Rachel sucked in her breath and resigned herself to her fate. Rising up off her heels, she turned to shoot Matt a final questioning look. Would he stop her now at this final moment or was she actually going to go through with it? She swallowed as Matt only grinned back at her and nodded his head.
With no further hesitation, she dropped her face into Flip's lap and fully parted her lips.
NEXT -- Chapter 13: Flipped (Pt. 2)
- COMMENTS
TheRachelChroniclesalmost 8 years agoAuthorAT...
First, as usual, your kind words are humbling. The paragraph you quoted is actually one of my favorite passages of these long, convoluted tales and having it singled out for praise brings me much joy. The series of "cut scenes" I wrote into this chapter were something I spent a lot of energy on and I'm extremely glad that they seemed to translate well.
As to your beef, well, tough. I kid! As a writer yourself (and a very good one), I'm sure you recognize how real the struggle is against overuse of adjectives. I cringe sometimes when I re-read a story I've submitted and I pick up on an obnoxious repetition. And even when I think things are fairly well balanced, I have no idea how the reader will settle into the flow.
You are more than fair and all I'll say in defense of "generous" is that it is a pet favorite of mine in this realm. I find there to be an inherent generosity in giving oral sex and that doesn't even touch on the details of the act itself which can also be described as generous depending on the moment.
Either way, your critique is well founded and appreciated. I really do find such feedback to be helpful. Hopefully your comment on this chapter means you are zeroing in on the end. Looking forward to your wrap up thoughts as well!
TRC
asianToyalmost 8 years agoIt's paragraphs like this one that make the author such a good writer:
"However, when they both looked as were at the moment, the normally muted resemblance seemed to magically uncover itself and rise to the surface. The soft warmth of their expressions linked them and the light in their eyes mirrored a similar sense of kindness and wonder. The two women simply stared at each other for several moments and communicated without words. They could both see it. They could both feel it, too."
That is really capturing the humanity of two characters and without that element, done so remarkably well, this wouldn't be the exceptional story it is. One who doesn't write well cannot know how difficult it is to forge a paragraph like that. I write, and sometimes well, but finding examples like this throughout this and all the other chapters proves what a talented and careful writer the author is.
My only qualm, if I have one, is the over frequent use of the word 'generous' and its derivatives.
asianToy
ballznall60almost 8 years agoPreludes and The Prom -- two of the best on Literotica! Can't wait to see how you wrap this up. Five Stars!
Anonymousalmost 8 years agoI'm praying there are more stories and series of Rachel to come. These have become one of the highlights of my week! Thank u!
