Prickled and Pampered

"Oh, I think I could." Salia's eyes narrowed to slits as she performed a quick examination of the kitchen's tactical situation. Over the goblin maid's shoulder, she could make out some open windows—potential escape routes for this woman. She could also see the unconscious tavern owner lying back in the next room, twitching and cumming, thoroughly under the influence of the goblin lust. "You got a name, goblin?"

"Ooh!" The goblin maid put a hand to her plump, luscious lips. "So to the point. That's such a sweet trait to find in a bride. My name, sugar, is Masva! What's yours?"

"Salia." Keep her talking. Tease out how long she's been at work here. "So you're looking for a bride? Looks like you've mostly been looking to men."

"Oh..." Masva waved a hand, as if to say, 'only a little bit'. "There are three honeyed little sugar cubes upstairs who couldn't get enough, Salia, sweetest. I don't discriminate." She smiled, showing those ever-so-slightly sharp white teeth.

"Well, I'm afraid your little lovefest is over, Masva." Salia braced one hand on the table. "I'm taking you in."

"Oh,are y—"

"And that's not an innuendo!"

Masva was quiet a moment, those bright red eyes surveying Sala coolly. She looked Salia over, and Salia tensed. Salia was taller than the goblin, and armed, but her slenderness could make her vulnerable if Masva tried to tackle her. Masva was clearly gauging her chances.

Apparently, she didn't like them. She pouted. "Well, fine, be that way. Only..." She sauntered into the room, hips swinging rhythmically as she plucked up from the counter a forkful of noodles in a reddish sauce. She tilted her head adorably to the side, eyes as big as saucers. "Wouldn't you at least like a teensy-weensy bite first?"

Salia snorted. "Nice try, goblin maid."

"No, really! Doesn't it smell good?" The goblin maid puckered up her lips and blew.

Salia blinked, barely remembering to hold her breath as the savory scent washed over her. She bit her lip, trying to ignore the distant smell. It did smell tasty.

"Just a little taste?" Masva cooed, fingers tapping delicately around the edge of the table as she walked slowly around towards Salia. "Just the teensiest of—"

The moment the goblin maid rounded the corner, Salia snatched her second bubble sac from her belt and hurled it forward.

The entangling glue mixture burst on the goblin maid's legs with a loud, wet popping sound. Masva let out a startled shriek as it exploded on her ankles. Her light touch on the table became a death grip on the edge as she struggled to keep from slipping and falling over. The fork went flying and landed in the washbasin with a clatter.

"Thanks for the offer," Salia said sharply, kicking the table out of the goblin's reach (the pyramid of turnovers stirred ominously, but did not topple). "But my lunch break's not 'til noon."

~~~~

After the goblin was caught, Salia went to grab a chair, so she at least had somewhere to sit while they waited for Salia's partner to arrive. The goblin was brooding and sour, and this seemed to suit Salia well, who set about cleaning up the kitchen and cataloging the goblin-baked foodstuffs.

Through the open window, over the body of a sleeping, wet-dreaming bartender who'd sampled one too many goblin pies, Primrose watched with gleaming pink eyes.

"Primrose!" sang a gleeful voice. Primrose turned to see several fairies, including her two lovers, flying down towards them. They held between them a large metal thimble. It was practically overflowing with a brilliant hot pink liquid.

Primrose gave a squeal of excitement, flying up to help her helpers bring it down to the windowsill. "You got some! Oh, I knew you could do it."

As was fairy custom, they took a minute to wetly 'congratulate' one another. Then, giggling, they turned to the thimble. The fluid inside was brightly glowing, casting them all in pink light as they gathered around.

"Are you all ready for this?" Primrose said, clapping her hands together in glee.

In answer, the other fairies drew out tiny little bows—small even for their size, each covered in almost tacky pink decoration. They also each drew out a few arrows, each bearing, instead of a normal arrowhead, a sharp pink heart. They exchanged gleeful looks and wicked grins.

"Then let's help little Salia," Primrose purred, dipping her own arrow into the thimble and feeling it start to heat up in her hand, "loosen up a little bit."

~~~~

"A lot of sweetbreads, huh?" Salia pursed her lips, making a quick note in the log. "Who even eats fruitcakes anymore?"

Masva, behind her, sounded sulky. "This girl here sure was fond of 'em. But I s'pose you wouldn't know something sweet if it came up and bit you."

"Hm." Salia rolled her eyes turning to the pies and beginning to count.

"But..." Masva giggled. "There's a way we could find that out, y'know." She bared her teeth.

Salia was silent. She was determined not to acknowledge Masva's stupid jokes. Rangers didn't fraternize with prisoners.

She turned away. For a moment, the ranger thought she felt a tiny breeze by her neck where she'd been standing a second ago, and thought she heard a tiny curse form the dining room with the unconscious bartender. She turned, but saw nobody.

The ranger walked over to the table and started counting the turnovers, careful not too breathe in too recklessly—though with Masva safely out of reach for a 'goblin kiss' to blow the fragrance to her, it wasn't nearly as urgent a concern. "Baking a lot, huh? You had big plans for this town?"

"Oh... Salia, when you've got assets like mine, let's just say everything we've got is big."

Salia gave Masva a withering glare, leaning down to jot another note in the journal. Again, she felt a tiny whistling breeze by her hand, but she couldn't see anything. Probably the breeze from that open window.

Masva sat with her hands clasped in the wooden chair, bearing her childish pout as she scowled down at the floor tiles. "Not like you'd know," she said, sniffing. "The way you keep from lookin' at me, you'd think I was a flea's size or something."

"Hm." Salia turned away from Masva and walked over to the oven.

She heard the goblin let out a plaintive sigh. "C'mon! Am I that dull to look at? Is that why I ain't been able to find love here?"

Salia was opening her mouth to sarcastically reply when she felt a sudden...

... prickle. Right at the back of her shoulder. She flinched, reaching for the point of the... mosquito bite? But there was nothing there.

She paused, distracted. What had she been about to... oh, right. Masva's whining. Poor girl. Salia gave a small smile, despite herself. "It's kinda hard not to look at you, goblin maid, the way you dress. I just don't much give a damn." She gave an insincerely apologetic shrug.

"Oh!" Masva sounded put out, the plaintive notes replaced with indignation. "The way I dress? Well, gosh, if that doesn't sound judgmental, I just don't know what does!"

Salia flinched, feeling another tiny prickle at the back of her neck. She chalked it up to pins-and-needles, and momentarily stretched. "Don't waste my time acting hurt, goblin. I'm just doing my job."

"You know my name," the goblin muttered. Salia glanced back. The goblin maid seemed sincerely hurt as she scowled down at the floor tiles. Her pretty ruby-red eyes were downcast.

She'd really had a rough day, Salia supposed. She was probably entitled to a bit of whininess.

Salia grimaced, giving a low sigh. "Fine. Masva. Whatever." She picked up the basket of turnovers an walked it over to the counter, careful to avoid going too close to the goblin—just in case. "But don't expect me to give a damn about your feelings. You're in a hell of a lot of trouble for all this."

"It's not like I managed to find anyone." Masva shook her head miserably. "It was a whole wasted morning! Everyone in this pub's a real sour apple when it comes to romance."

Salia snorted. "That's 'cause romance is a waste of time. And it isn't exactly 'romance' filling someone with spices 'til they can't tell love from lust." She scratched her arm, feeling a couple more prickles there. They were getting kind of annoying, but she didn't really want to go running around chasing invisible mosquitoes right in front of the prisoner.

"That's the problem," Masva said softly. The goblin maid scooted as best she could to keep the ranger in sight, her breasts jiggling slightly with the motion. "I just... oh, I don't know. Everyone's real 'big' on my boobs an' butt..."

Salia gave a small chuckle.

"... one of the girls couldn't stop talkin' about my 'cocksucking lips'—" Masva made sarcastic finger quotes. "But they couldn't name nothing they liked about me. Apparently, I'm just an ass, tits and lips to them. Dunno why the gods bothered giving me a heart."

Salia laughed at the goblin's flippant, rueful tone. "Well, that's the way of things." She leaned against the counter, snapping her fingers for emphasis. "People marry quick as a snap, fine, great, but love? Love's about as real as an ace dopterine, Masva."

"Oh, I don't believe in that!" Masva clasped her hands together—not realizing, Salia noted, that they now had some glue on them. "Love is a beautiful, wonderful thing! I just ain't found the right man yet." She glanced up at Salia, her red eyes smoldering beneath thick, black lashes, and blew a little strand of hair from her face. Despite Masva's bound, helpless state, her elaborate bouffant hairdo remained in near-perfect condition. "Or right woman."

"Ha." Salia sighed and shook her head. "Sorry, Masva. I don't affiliate with criminals, even if I was a romantic soul—and like I said, that's all goatshit as far as I can see. I'm not into 'love'. And I'm definitely not into goblin maids."

"... Oh."

Masva's pointy ears drooped slightly.

Prickle. Salia winced, rubbing her back. Masva seemed... upset at that. Maybe Salia had been a bit too harsh?

"I mean... I just find them hard to deal with." She coughed. "Like I said, I don't think love's worth my time. People are garbage and piss me off. You all are so full of love, it's like... opposites, you know?"

"I suppose." Masva sniffed.

Salia bit her lip. "Aw, geez, are you seriously crying over that?"

"No." The curvy goblin reached up to wipe her eyes—or tried to. Her hands were now stuck fast together. Realizing this, the goblin let out a frustrated half-whine.

Salia swallowed. She didn't like seeing Masva cry. That made her feel like a bully. Salia could be a bit temperamental, but she was not a bully. But there—there were goddamn tears running down Masva's cute, dimpled cheeks.

The ranger let out a small groan. "Ugh. I'm sorry, alright? I didn't mean... I didn't mean anything mean by it. If it's of any consolation... I mean, you're pretty hot. I dunno about love, but.." She let out a short laugh. "I mean, you do it for me in the 'lust' column."

Masva looked up at Salia, eyes shimmering. "R-really?" she asked, sniffling.

Salia's eyes narrowed. "Well, don't let it go to your head or nothing. I'm still not interested. I don't wanna give—" Prickle, this time in the back of her leg. She paused, momentarily distracted, and then trailed off entirely as she felt another prickle right in her hip.

She was having trouble collecting herself. Masva seemed to be looking at Salia in a way that made Salia... uncomfortable. The goblin gave a shy smile. "Well, it's sweet of you to say, sugar. And you ain't exactly hard on the eyes, either." Her eyes flitted down, and Salia felt her face heating up as she realized the goblin was openly ogling Salia's tall, fit build. Salia wasn't nearly as well-endowed as the goblin—because, damn, Masva's tits were unbelievable—but people always said she had pretty eyes, and she stayed in very good shape.

Salia bit her lip. "W-well... stop looking at me like that. I'm still turning you in."

"Sure," agreed Masva, beaming up at her. Salia started sweating. Masva really did have very pretty, red eyes.

Prickle. And that cute little blush in her cheeks... did she actually like Salia? Or was she just manipulating her to get free?

Dumbass, she thought, of course she likes you, she probably wants to make you marry her! She glared at Masva, recovering her wits. "And when my partner gets here, we're gonna turn you into the authorities. See how you like being pushed around and told what to do."

"Oh, sugar, I don't tell my lovers what to do!" Masva giggled. "I just ask them!"

"Right. And they're only too happy to oblige."

"Yes!" Masva smirked. "It's amazing what people will do... for love." She licked her luscious, blue lips. Salia remembered those men in the common room, their faces covered in lipstick stains, and her cheeks reddened slightly.

So did Masva's. "Um... Salia?"

"Yeah, Masva?" Salia swallowed.

"My hands... they're all stuck." Masva bit her lip adorab—childishly. "Could I please... I mean, I'm not gonna run or nothin', I promise, but..." She looked up at Salia, eyes still red-rimmed from crying. "Please?"

Prickle.

"Oh! Uh, well, I..." Salia gave a nervous giggle. "I'm actually supposed... I mean, I should... if you just... sure?"

Salia's heart plummeted as she babbled out the agreement. But Masva's eyes lit up in such gratitude when she said it, and, well... it wasn't as if Masva was a threat as long as Salia kept an eye on her.

It really was kind of cruel to make her sit with her hands clasped. Salia could take Masva in a fight. It wasn't protocol to release prisoners, though, even if they didn't have any chance of escape. Yeah, Masva was cute, and sweet, and funny, but...

Salia blinked, realizing she had already leaned over to pour out the solvent from its unstopped bottle. She fumbled slightly before letting Masva take the bottle from her. No! Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Salia was tongue-tied, this close to Masva. Masva's breaths were surprisingly nice to listen to. High-pitched, but slow. Soothing. Her breath smelled faintly of cinnamon, probably from chewing bark.

"Thank you, Salia," Masva whispered, right in Salia's ear.

Salia recoiled, her face burning. She thought she heard tiny giggling, but Masva didn't laugh. She just smiled happily at Salia, and batted those long eyelashes. "I knew there was a soft heart under all that armor," she said slyly, kicking her feet happily. She held up the now half-empty bottle for Salia to retrieve.

Salia, heart beating fast, reached out to take the bottle. As she did, her fingers grazed Masva's hand. Her soft, slender hand.

And a prickle hit her wrist.

The bottle fell to the floor with a crack. It did not shatter, luckily, but Salia backed away regardless. Oh god. Oh gods, I'm so clumsy. I look like an idiot. I mean... not that I care? But... oh, what's gotten into me?

She needed to stop bantering with the prisoner. Masva was too funny, too sweet, too...

Oh, gods damn it, she never got crushes on enemies! But... was Masva really an enemy? She was just a little lovesick. And really, who wasn't?

I'm not, Salia told herself desperately. I'm not in love with her! I don't care how curvy she is, how cute her giggles are, how nice her red eyes look when they're looking at me, how... how... Oh, gods, you're staring at her, you idiot. Look away!

She quickly averted her gaze, rubbing her cheeks to hide the blush. As she expected—blazing hot. Goddammit! What was wrong with her?

"I really appreciate it," Masva went on. "I promise I won't try anything. I just... oh, it's just been such a long day." She let out a sad little whimper.

"Yeah."

"Would you..." Masva bit her lip. Salia realized she sounded about as uncertain as Salia felt. Was that just an act? "Would you please sit with me? I could really use someone to just hang out with, and you... I know you're an enemy, an' all, but you're just so sweet, I figure I could do worse." She gave a nervous laugh.

"Sure." The word slipped out of Salia's mouth before she even thought about it, and she immediately pulled up a chair. She now sat directly between the much shorter goblin and the table full of baked goods.

They sat there in silence a moment.

"I just..." Masva rubbed her eyes. "I just..."

"Here." Salia offered her handkerchief, hand trembling slightly.

Masva looked up, blinking widely, and accepted the kerchief. Drying her eyes, she went on, "I was just so excited for today. I cooked so much. I was sure I'd find a husband. And now... now it's all goin' to waste." She gave a miserable laugh. "You must think I'm a total ninny."

"No, I..." Salia's tongue fumbled for a moment as she felt a prickle in the back of her neck. "I m-mean, this stuff all looks really tasty. I bet it took ages to make. It's not a waste."

"Yes, it is," Masva said sulkily, blowing her nose. "Nobody's gonna eat it, are they?"

"Well..." Salia swallowed. On impulse, she reached over amd grabbed a bit of a half-eaten turnover. She spoke without thinking, her heart pounding. "I'm not gonna go marrying you or anything, but do you mind if I try a little? I didn't get much of a breakfast this morning." That was a lie. Salia just didn't want to seem too transparent in her efforts to cheer Masva up. "Then it's not so much of a waste, right?"

This went against everything in the Toxin Ranger handbook, but goddammit, the goblin maid was crying. There was nothing in the handbook about pretty girls crying!

Besides, Ciarlo would be here soon, and both she and Ciarlo could cover any toxins this stuff had in it. A little taste wasn't such a big deal.

And Masva's shining smile made it feel all worth it. Salia's heart fluttered as the goblin maid leaned forward and hugged her, planting a big, soft kiss on Salia's cheek. Salia was too shocked to do anything but limply accept the hug. "Oh, sugar, you don't have to eat that!" she cooed, rising to her feet. "Let me at least getchya somethin' tastier!"

Salia let Masva take the turnover—which was a bit cold—out of her hand and replace it with a cornbread cupcake slathered in pink frosting.

She was already having second thoughts, truth be told, but... Masva looked so happy and expectant. Salia couldn't let her down now. The idea of disappointing Masva filled Salia with revulsion and shame. But... damn it, this was all so, so wrong! Why couldn't she say no? Why couldn't she just tell this criminal to stuff it?

"I..." Salia bit her lip. "I'm sorry, I really shouldn't eat anything so fresh. What if I... I mean..."

She felt a prickle in her neck.

Masva batted her eyelashes and pouted her lips, taking Salia by the hand and actually guiding the cupcake up towards Salia's mouth. She blew over the cupcake, sending the fragrant aroma of freshly-baked deliciousness wafting into Salia's face.

Saklia's mouth watered. She looked over at Masva, who was still holding her hand, and finally opened her mouth. The cupcake entered, and she bit off a large mouthful.

Sweet cinnamon flavor exploded on her tongue. Salia instantly found herself taking another bite of the cupcake—which, it turned out, had a creamy filling as well. "Mm!" She smiled widely at Masva.

"You like it?" Masva said, her voice soft, hopeful.

"This is really good!" Salia said through a mouthful of cupcake, then immediately blushed at her manners. Damn it, she wasn't just hanging out with Iane and Ciarlo. She had to be polite! Mannerly!

Masva giggled and preened, tossing her elegant curls back. She sat back down in her chair, now with a few more goodies in her lap, and scooted over to sit right beside and slightly in front of Salia. "You're so sweet," she said, blushing. "But it's just what any goblin maid could bake, sugar!"