All Comments on 'Princess Meets Sweetie'

This story while initially intriguing and hot quickly takes a turn for the confusing. You need to be consistent in your storyline. You tell the events completely different from character to character, leaving elements out and flipping order around. Consistency is key to helping a story flow smoothly, otherwise your will just confuse your readers and they will lose interest. Keep writing and go back and check details if you need to. Rough drafts are never a bad thing, just make sure you don't post it in place of your final draft.