by gimlisam
Definitely too short, and I didn't really understand what was going on the whole time...is it supposed to be that the reader is as clueless as Jack?
too short intro but the players are well defined. A hint of what will be a very wicked long story.
Hot, well written, but spell check and grammar check. Also is it Jack or JAKE??? The mistakes are distracting to an otherwise engaging, hot storyline.