All Comments on 'Promising Danielle Ch. 08'

LocusOnus, your story has been the highlight of a hard day's worth of work for me for these past few days!

May i congratulate you on managing to maintain a plot that is romantic and focuses on a difficult issue, over these past chapters without losing your reader!

this rarely happens on Literotica, but I enjoy your style of writing just as much if not more than the plot itself.

you obviously have it in you to write far more complex plots and genres than that which is on this site usually.

Well done!

I like the story, but there are little things that make it less enjoyable. I always like a story to have some solid foundation of believeability and this one lacks a few.

For instance, the Mother and Brother are described as butt ugly as I recall, which makes it curious why Danielle is so beautiful. Where did these genes come from and why would the professor Father have married such a woman?

After the rescue, they go back to his rented room, which is the first place the police would search, which makes no sense at all to me.

Toby embarks on his rescue mission without telling anyone. Would not it have been a bit better to bring his Lesbian landlords into the picture to give him some backup and they could even watch the video he was streaming. As it is now, if his laptop gets stolen, his "evidence" is gone and we already know the police have "proof" Danielle is sick in the head.

But as the previous commenter noted, there were little things that could have been done to strengthen the story. Easiest and most obvious would be to enlist the help of the landladies, both against the police and to make sure someone saw the video feed. Even then, however, what is there to see? Is Danielle on a table enough proof of anything, albeit she was tied down? Would the video even show up, depending on the light? Anyway, the romance between Danielle and Toby is sweet, but the other elements need strengthening.

Keep refining and going with your storyline. Make use of the constructive comments that have been made and I look forward to the next installment of these two.