All Comments on 'Proper Charlotte'

It's not really necessary to understand the French in this story, but here are translations:

Regardez où vous allez - Look where you’re going

Les bactéries pousseront - Bacteria will grow

Je ne suis pas de la France - I’m not from France

Mais de la suisse - But from Switzerland

Comprennez? - Understand?

C’est ca - That’s it. That’s right.

Il est trés un cochon - He is very much a pig (improper)

Tu parle français? - You speak French?

Je vois - I See

Est-ce acceptable pour vous? - Is that acceptable to you?

Quel imbécile! - What an imbecile!

Allez! Idiot! - Oh c’mon! Idiot!

Quel désastre! - What a disaster!

Imbécile. T’es con comme un balai. - Imbecile. You’re dumb as a broom.

Foutu bordel - A fucking mess

Remets le couvert? - Literally, Put the cover back. Euphemism for having sex after a meal

Plus chiant que toi, tu ne pourras pas en trouver. - Someone more stupid / boring than you is not possible to find.

Nous sommes si différents - We are so different

Je suis africaine. Tu es... blanc. Très blanc. - I’m african. You’re white. Very white.

Prends moi - Take me

Défonces-moi. Maintenant - Fuck me. Now.

Tu t’en sors? - You doing okay there?

Je ne sais pas - I don’t know

C'est maintenant à mon tour - Now it’s my turn

Là comme ça... Oh, oui! - There like that, oh yes!

Ta gueule - Shut up

(Let me know if anything Charlotte says is wrong. His French is intentionally bad)

And if you want to write about their travels I would love to read more.

This was really really really good. Thank You. It was so unique and unexpected, a pleasure to read. Please continue their story! Would love to read more!

Loved this

Wonderfully original

Thank you

You are a lovely and thoughtful writer 😊. Thank you for sharing.

Great story, with eroticism intertwined with genuine love. Would very gladly read about their further life together.

With Charlotte and with your story. Tell us more.

They are going pretty fast and that concerns me, it'll take some skill on your part to even things out.

But I have been fascinated by black women for some time. So keep after it.

R.

In a sea of fetish race writing (no offense), this was a sight for sore eyes. I really love the build up and interaction these two had. Love to see more development and where the relationship goes! 5 Stars!

Thanks everyone for the fantastic comments. I was worried this story was too odd for the category, as well as being able to write something enjoyable. I'm blown away by this great reception. Thanks so much!

Your writing is getting better, and the premise and where you took it works, the interracial thing seemed more secondary than the foreigner in a foreign place, and the culture shock of that, works excellently. I agree with one of the other commentors, that it seems like the relationship is moving fast, but it works if the story is a one-off. On the other hand it would be very interesting to see where this could go if you decide to continue. Please continue the good writing.

Thanks, massmonkey. Very astute observations. I'm glad the story works... it took a ridiculous amount of research and playing with ideas. I didn't want to write the typical "interracial" story so yes, race is indeed secondary. The story is about real differences. Thanks for saying my writing is improving... that's exactly why I write these filthy stories :)

Truly excellent story without any stereotypical racist BS. Very well done.

I enjoyed the story very much but gave it a four because it seemed Travis was somewhat ashamed of his race. Describing oneself as pasty is not complementary. Noting differences is fine, especially during sex with another race, but do so on equal terms, not as less than equal.

Good for Travis for continued attempts to be cordial despite being rebuffed time and time again. He was more than rewarded for his efforts.

Thanks, Anonymous, for the comment and the vote. Not sure I agree with you, though. Travis is critical of his appearance, not his 'race.' Most people don't like something about their looks. Even guys. But Charlotte finds his appearance fascinating.

Well written great cadence, kept me interested. When is the next chapter coming?

Anonymous: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I mulled over a few ideas for a sequel, but I think it's better if this story stands on it's own.

Your handling of Charlotte's language was *very* good - not only in her French, but in the errors she makes in her English.

Plus I like the characterization. Commendable work. Laudable, even.

Thank you very much, Anonymous!. I got a lot of help with the French. Glad to know I got it right, and that you enjoyed the characters.

He needs to go visit Switzerland. While there he can work to improve international relations and fuck Charlotte often

Really nice. Well written. Believable. I like the characters. I wish there was a continuation.

Your story was delightful. As someone who grew up in a mixed racial neighborhood with a great variety of companions of all colors, I find it is so nice to see a well handled inter-racial scene.

But their love affair is just beginning and they will have plenty of challenges

Thanks again, MusicGuy. I tried to write something different and flip things around for the 'interracial' category. Glad you enjoyed it and it was well-handled. I'm focusing on other stories now... no plans to continue this one right now.

Well written. The contrasts were well done. How about a story of then traveling the US, then he visits Switzerland for reverse culture shock?

This was unexpected. I’ve a few of your stories over the past two days and you have a deft hand. Sometimes straightforward, sometimes richly emotional. This one was warm, loving, inciteful and yet delicate. I enjoyed it and will read all you have done. Please continue to favor us with your works. You have art.

I have traveled & had a sauna in Switzerland & 15 E & W European countries. I now living in Stockholm, Sweden. Your cultural research is spot on. A sequel would be enthusiastically received. Thank you, wordsmith!

Thanks, Anonymous(1). I'm very glad to hear from someone with first-hand experience that I got the culture issues right. I've been to places in Europe but not Switzerland (yet). And thanks Anonymous(2)... Many readers find my type of stories too tame. I'm glad you enjoyed it and my other ones. As I've said elsewhere, if what I write is art, it's strictly finger painting. But hopefully I'm improving :-)

I loved your story. Sequel please? If not, well - this was already a gift. :)

Thanks so much, Aredia. What a sweet thing to say. Glad you enjoyed the story, but I have no plans for a sequel.

I am English speak French and have visited Switzerland a few times this story made me smile from start to finish. Oh yea I am mixed . I find many writers writing about mixed relationships never get it right. You did.

Well thank you, Anonymous! It makes my day to know this story made you smile and I got the relationship right. Nothing in the story is from my own experience, so it took a lot of research and care to create a tale that's somewhat realistic.

Yet another fantastic read from your hand👌😄 Beautiful, heartwarming and erotic, with nicely flushed out characters, and though I have no clue wether you nailed the french or not, it certainly felt like 2 cultures meeting in a beautiful firework display. That’s a “favourite” and a “favourite” from me, and a heartfelt thank you for your fantastic work 👏😊

Cheers from Denmark 🇩🇰

I've read too much on this site. Nothing as concise or classy, with seemingly-plausible character evolvement and simultaneous contrast of race, culture, country, business orientation, and (of course) the sexes. It reminds me of more famous authors who could polish a tale like Chekov or Maupassant. Well done.

Just when I'm cursing myself as I struggle to write, ready to give up forever, these wonderful comments appear. Thank you, One4Love for your very kind words. And thank you Anonymous.... Chekov and Maupassant were masters of the short story. My inept scribblings aren't worthy of such a comparison but I'll do a little happy dance anyway. Maybe celebrate with some vodka in a wine glass :-) Thanks so much,

Nice story. Gave you 5*. Foreign Languages (French, couple of words of Swiss German) are mostly correct. The characterisation of Swiss people is as a generalisation pretty accurate.

BUT: Interracial relationships and marriages are not scandalous. At all. We even have right wing politicians who are married to foreigners (of any skin colour).

Also, we do not call black people any version of nigger. That's regarded as racist and is socially inacceptable.

Beautifully authentic.

What a wonderful story. 5 stars is NOT enough.

Yes this was a great story,,,it was a great read,,,And like I'm like everyone reading this,,,That it has a happy ending

They getting married and having a great family,,,

Thanks, anonymous. Glad you enjoyed it... I put a lot of effort into this one. Yes, I think they would have a happily ever after relationship. If he learns French :-)

Thanks also NewOldGuy77 and zornslemma and Kojak01. It's wonderful to get comments on older stories like this one. I'm so happy to know my older stories are still being read and appreciated. I read and savor every comment on every story, no matter how long ago they were written, even if I can't always respond.

Great story.Thank you

Gads, a story retracing a similar Navy event for a much younger me! Ear bending smiles and whooda thunk...😈👍

The pseudo French ruined the story. This a.ways happens if the writer doesn't know the language, Google translate etc can't identify context so picks generic terms. It's enough to say she in French that plants the idea. Nice story though, thanks

Thanks for the feedback, Anonymous. Previous commentors praised the use of French, and it was proofed by genuine French speakers, though they speak Québécois. Sadly I don’t know anyone familiar with the Swiss French dialect, so had to rely on my proofreaders and a list of spoken phrases commonly used in France.

Like with every language, spoken French vernacular varies around the world, and despite the efforts of L'Académie française and Office québécois de la langue française, opinions on what’s correct in written form do too (e.g. every time I’ve asked native French speakers to translate a document it’s resulted in strenuous arguments). I’d love to know what specific corrections are needed in this story if you’re willing to provide them.

zero reason to even mention race in this story, other than to pander to racists. It literally has no impact on this story if you delete all references to it, and make it 50% better that way.

Hmm. Interesting observation, Anonymous. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

I set out to avoid and maybe reverse the usual racial stereotypes---she’s educated, accomplished and worldly while he isn’t. But if she were just a sour white woman, would he have been as drawn to her? He’s fascinated by her appearance and the mystery of her. She’s also a little fascinated by his appearance, and likes how he looking at her with desire instead of disdain like, we assume, many white guys, even back in Switzerland.

Without the “racial” aspect, I think this story would end the first time she was cold to him. And if it did progress, the story would be predicable and dull.

[10.06.23]

C'est excellente und romantique!

The overcoming of cultural differences and the discovery of similarities was wonderful (plus the sex was well written!).

11/10!!!!!

sweet story

I liked this one. Ignore the whiney ones.

I am with Willmott, I loved the story AND I wonder if the 'whiney ones' spend all their time looking for things to whine about.