All Comments on 'Protector'

I like it but the ending was a bit weak. Why did they switch side all of a sudden. That did not make sense to me. But it was very well written and the flow of the story was good.

IT WAS GREAT ALL THE WAY THROUGH....but some comments i'd have made if beta reading would be that we didn't really know what the order was created to despite them saying they were protectors, she claimed they tortured people badly enough that she wouldn't be with them or would risk death to avoid rejoining them. So, was she on the run from when Hyde died? Moreso, why would her brother chase her for centuries and then suddenly protect her? Why suddenly stop that old man from hurting her? Was it Dalton dying for her that changed him into a protective brother? It was a bit weak for me in explaining that. I also felt like it wasn't believable that Hyde would just buy their shit. I'd have added in some scheme to make him believe she knew he was alive. Some manipulation b/c this boy who followed her and was strong enough to kill vamps a day after he learns of the nonhuman entities in the world or at least has it confirmed they exist and fights next to her until he is almost killed, wouldn't just believe she left him. Esp. when she'd shown how much she hated these people and what they were capable of . It didn't seem believable for me. I'd have believed it more if he said, I took all the training b/c I knew they wanted me to deal the final blow and they'd leave you alone until I was strong enough to help us defend ourselves. I didn't want you to always be the one to look out or me and the bad guys. That would have felt more genuine....but overall, a great story.

I thought the characters were developed well and the story was interesting. the things they fought together were interesting. Great job overall. i guess for me it was just the finish i'd have worked on a bit.

Hope you've written more.

WOW!!!!

Great stuff, a couple of things though. It would be muskets in 1632 not guns using balls not bullets. A bit more background on the Order would have been great as well.

Thank you for all your feedback, all comments are greatly appreciated and I hope the next chapter answers some of your questions! Thank you so much for reading and please anything you wish to say please leave a comment as they help me make the next story better for you! Fallen x

Great first chapter, but what is the order. I guess it will be further explained in future chapters. I wonder if Baallore is really dead considering the deception with Hyde's body.Is Daida's brother going to take over the order now? Looking forward to how this intermix with Tormented.

EXCELLENT, JUST LIKE READING A NOVEL