All Comments on 'Prototype Ch. 01'

What is the other story's name?

You should change that on the introduction and not just refer to it.

Or post the link.

Can't wait for more.

Its on the MCA site

Literotica has strict rules about links in both posts and comments. A big no-no. That being said, Deeperman was right. I gave you the name and author of the original story. That's the best I can do and still give you more. You do want more, right? ;)

I read yours then read the "other one" and was impressed with both. The other one was easier to find than I thought it would be, and I noticed that the same guy had two stories on "that site".The title for yours is Perfect for your story,hope there will be more from you. The premise of your story is believable which is more than most on here. Please continue !!!

No sex at all, but it doesn't matter when the story reads as nicely as this one (so much of what is presented here is written by people who have the grammar and punctuation skills of a second grader). The length was about right... I'm sick and tired of those that post a single page because it is not nearly long enough to tell a good story and make me want to come back, and anything beyond five- to six-pages is just pushing my patience. Story-wise, I liked the beginning and have no idea where it might go from here. That has piqued my interest and I will probably be back to see what happens. Good job.

Roger

Now I definitely need to go search for the original - I remember having read something like it, but that was years and years ago.

Your writing style, as others have commented, is very mature. I like the slow pacing of the story, and you've done a very good job at setting up the premises of the mind-control aspects. Now we're curious about the four archives of outliers, and what instructions Benjamin will come up with for Maggie's next session.

Love it so far. I am hoping you have several more chapters coming soon .

I read the other first, it was easy to find, but it wasn't necessary. If you didn't know a few physical details were borrowed it wouldn't matter. 2 computers, a cap, a training program, yada yada,. Now it's all down to what the programmer adds to the code. And that's where this story takes off.

With a bit of creativity and a devious mind, the author, and his cast of characters are ready to perform in their own drama for us.

...and what a premise. That said I don't think Benjamin was all wrong or that Maggie was all right. Perhaps that's just me. At any rate the story is superb as is the editing (very few and minor errors) with fantastic writing. My only real complaint is you never wrote more. Selfish of me I know...

Seems like a non-sexual story. I liked it!!!