All Comments on 'Prototype Ch. 10'

Keep up the excellent work!

Don't forget the other escort that was trained. Can't remember her name. rachel made her her love slave. Where'd she go? recruiting other escorts, hopefully?

You could really go far with this story, making him rule multiple corporations and such with the help of the machine. I expanding the plot to more than what it is being used for now would make this story truly a classic. Keep up the good work though, this is going to go FAR.

Well done. Looking forward to seeing where this goes. I get the feeling that Rachel is going to work within the program to corrupt Maggie. That'd be hot!

Not sure how I feel about Ben training himself to be more confident. Seems like he's become more callous and has less of that 'nice guy' vibe that made the story fun. If he's turning out to be just another megalomaniac with mind-control powers, that kinda dampens the tale.

Something doesn't add up, and I'm sure the author is aware of it.

This is just speculation, but...

This story implies that Rachel has already corrupted Maggie. Maggie is enamored with Rachel, constantly allowing her to kiss and fondle her; giving her knowing glances throughout the story. Author even hints at one point that Rachel's naked body is what gives her that hungry look in her eyes, and not Benjamin. In all likelihood, Maggie is already Rachel's slave and she knows it. The two girls are just playing along for the night in order to "make Benjamin happy."

Sounds like an interesting conflict in the future, where Benjamin needs to win Maggie for real. But I hope the power plays between Rachel and Benjamin are resolved soon, so that the author can focus more on the harem plan (Rachel has become too conniving and scheming for me). Chapters where he succeeds in brainwashing new women remain one of the best chapters for me. There's still lots of sources for interesting conflict, like the original owners of the prototype. Or one of the lawyers witnessing a colleague being changed. Even the long journey of building his empire sounds interesting. A defeated/more-loyal/less-underhanded Rachel could close this conflict and open up new plot. But that's just me.

Hope the author continues this series. A great read as always. Keep up the good work!

Anon, I was seeing those same things. There's something of a jump between this chapter and the last. When Rachel and Maggie talked on the phone, it seemed like they were going to get together for a training session -- then we start here with no "on screen" training for any of the three main characters.

Did Rachel and Maggie get together for a training session? Did Rachel inadvertently slip in some verbal commands while Maggie was going through the mundane training? Is Maggie now Rachel's devoted slave and just hiding it? Is Ben's revelation about the verbal commands going to make Rachel think about what she did to Maggie and the other escort?

I think we'll have to wait until C11 to find out.

I'm looking forward to seeing what happens with the lawyer chic and all that. I just hope the story continues with the unintended consequences and blunders. If it turns into one of those "everything goes perfectly and Brian rules the world in just a few weeks" kind of stories, that'll be boring. The sex scenes are filler. The real heat is the psychological musings of the various "victims" of the machine.

I saw at least one poster didn't like the idea of the protagonist using the machine on himself or turning more evil.

Don't sweat it, tell your own story. I love the slow corruption and cautionary tale that seems to be evolving.

It does look some things skipped around this chapter. Perhaps it will be explained in a future chapter, but the flow was a little disconcerting. Not saying it's bad (could be good if it ties into future reveals, but it was noticed and a little awkward).

Very much enjoying this. Well done.

I just binge read the whole thing. This was a fun ride^^

That others have noticed what I did. Namely, that there seems to have been a huge leap forward in Maggie's conditioning, one that wasn't in the text. When last we saw her Rachel was calling her and trying to explain the situation. Then an only partially calmed-down Maggie was inviting Benjamin to the play. Now we have this chapter, in which Maggie is kissing Rachel in front of Benjamin, and then going to Benjamin's apartment with the deliberate intention of engaging in a threesome.

It seems like a step in the conditioning was skipped. Presumably Rachel got Maggie to the machine at some point without Benjamin's knowledge.

For those commenting about this, go back to the part where Maggie and Rachel are speaking on the phone. If you pay a little more attention to the end of that section you will see that Maggie agreed to meet with Rachel at Ben's place in order to finish up memorizing Act III of the play while he was at work.

This story hits all my favorite themes, especially the long slow buildup. Wow, sexy as hell. I've loved this series! Can't wait until Ben gets the harem all together!

This is my second time reading your story ... now I remember why I stopped here the first time. Your main character was never very deep or sympathetic, and his doubts were the only thing that really made him seem human or interesting to me. Maggie held my attention just because she was the only woman not under his control or about to be. But in Chapter 10 you made him more or less a supervillain and Maggie another sex slave with a set of fake tits in the mail (are those a fetish of yours or something?), and I lost any motivation to keep reading.

It was one of the more memorable MC stories here until that point, though. You threw a lot of nice wrinkles into the standard formula, and Rachel is by far the most well-developed character. The early chapters with her were the most absorbing.

Very yummy indeed. Well done!

Fucking stupid. "It's a little fun to be evil" Jesus, this writer is a retard. Yeah, because it would be fun to create another Hitler or some such shit...

But then again, he's turned the woman he "loves" into a slut. Cucks are pathetic and stupid...