Puppet on a String

"Oh, no honey, it wasn't like that..." my mother began.

"Of course it was! " I interjected. "I told you no, but you just had to do it anyway. Regardless of my wishes or that it was MY decision, you decided what you thought was best should be crammed down my throat, but as I said, it won't happen again.

"I would've thought you two would've learned something when you drove Rose and Monica away, but I guess not. You either can't, or won't stop. So, like with my sisters this is goodbye. I'm very sorry you won't have any of your children around you during your old age, but that's the price one pays for bullying and continuously trying to manipulate them, I guess."

"Don't you threaten us, boy!" my father snapped.

"Not a threat," I snapped back. "I'm simply ending this. If it'll make you feel better I'll send a card once in a while. Until then, don't try to call or contact me, I won't respond."

With that I turned and walked out of my parent's house for what I suspected would be the last time. Behind me I could hear my mother's pleading and weeping being drowned out by my father's cussing and yelling. This circus of an intervention was finally over.

****

I'd like to say things calmed down afterwards, but it wouldn't be true. I severed all contact with my parents, even cancelling my land line and getting a different cell number. Of course, it didn't stop them from trying to corner me at home or at work.

It also didn't help that during the several times I went out with Karen again, my relationship with my parents became a major discussion topic each time. It wasn't the only reason we stopped dating, but it was a factor. It became painfully obvious to both of us that whatever we'd had was slowly dying. In the end, she wasn't emotionally healthy enough to help me overcome my distrust of her. It wasn't malicious, but it was what it was. Our final break-up was mutually anticipated.

Afterwards, I decided I needed to make a clean break. I tried to get transferred, but my company wasn't some global corporation so there were only a couple of options, and those weren't available. I applied and accepted a similar position, at a much lower salary, a couple of states away.

I did meet with Deidre once before I left. I'd met her and Brad for lunch and informed them of my impending departure. They weren't thrilled with the news, but neither was surprised. My parents had been bombarding our children. Our daughters were far enough away so they avoided the mess by simply blocking specific phone numbers.

Brad wasn't as lucky. When we'd met he told me he was frustrated they were forcing him to make those types of decisions. I understood, but my heart still went out to him. I hadn't wanted to put my son in that position, but I'm not sure circumstances would've allowed otherwise. He finally ended up breaking off contact with them, as well.

Before I left, Deidre asked if I'd given any thought to her proposition and I told her I had. I asked her if I could call on her whenever I was back in town. She smiled and said she hoped I would.

I got out of town without much fanfare and found myself starting to settle into my surroundings. It had been a couple months and I was enjoying my new job even though money was tight. I'd even gone out on several dates although those hadn't shown any real promise of being anything more than one night stands. There were two I was going out with again.

Celia was an attractive woman I'd met at work. She was several years older than I was, but in great shape since she was really into yoga. Lori was a cute little blonde divorcee who was in her early forties. She was very overweight, but had the most beautiful blue eyes and pretty face.

I was sitting back with a glass of wine, considering my current dating status when I heard the knock on my apartment door. When I answered it, I knew things were going to change again.

"Hi," she said softly, "I was wondering if I might intrude on you a little. I'm considering renting one of the apartments in this complex but I wanted to talk to some of the current residents first. Mind if I come in?"

She didn't have the body or looks that would stop traffic but she made my heart skip a beat. She was a tall thin brunette, her hair shoulder length with gold frosted tips. Her large gold wire framed glasses made her eyes look larger than they were. They also magnified the ever changing looks of hope and determination, doubt and fear that danced in her eyes.

"Deidre," I said softly. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, after my big speech about putting my actions where my mouth was, I thought it would be hypocritical of me not to try and show you I still care very much about you. And you did sort of ask me out before you left..."

"Deidre, I asked if I could call on you when I got back into town."

"Yes, but you didn't come back quickly enough," she said with a sheepish grin.

"Billy," she said with her voice thick with emotion, "I'm trying to find a balance. On one hand, I want to give you space to start over but on the other I need to make sure you know how much I want the chance to show you we can still have some type of future.

"I realize I'm not doing a good job of balancing, and I'm probably already borderline stalking you but I needed you to know. If you want, I'd like to start over as well. I know our marriage is dead, but I believe we still have feelings for each other. I'd like to see where we might go if we started dating again."

"Deidre, moving into my apartment complex..."

"Well that was a line. Oh, I'd be very open to renting here, but I figured it might bother you, me being so close. I'm actually staying at a local motel right now. I interviewed for a position in the area this morning. The position is solid even if it is a level lower than where I currently am, but it looks like I should regain that level within a year or two. They offered me the job, but I told them to give me a couple days since I needed to talk to you first."

"I lost my input in your decisions when we divorced. Actually, I lost it before then."

Her face pinched slightly and she looked away. Turning back, she stared directly into my eyes.

"You're right, of course, but I'm trying to change that. If you don't want me here, I'll go and won't bother you again.

"Listen, Billy, I'm trying to start over again, too. I started by changing my looks slightly and am planning to move. Regardless of what you decide, I needed to get away from the past and begin again. I've got three other interviews in other cities scheduled for later this month. There's a real good chance I'll land one of those positions, but I'd really like to start over here, since the two men I want to have in my life are going to be here in the area."

I started to reply, but then her words struck me. Two? She smiled gently.

"Well, besides you, Brad wants to move here after he graduates. I'd expect a call from him in the next week or two making sure you're all right with it. I guess your parents are driving him nuts even at college, and he's looking to make a new start of things, as well."

"Dammit," I said shaking my head. "Won't they ever learn? I wish I could figure out a way to back them off, but they just won't stop!"

"I'm sorry for Brad, too," she said softly. "He shouldn't have to go through this, either. As for your parents, I believe Karen still talks with them daily."

"Good," I chuckled, "maybe they'll adopt her!"

"That's a very scary thought!" Deidre laughed.

I felt my heart skip at the sound of her laughter. It reminded me of much better days, days when the anger and hurt weren't so strong.

"Billy, I'm not looking for any guarantees or promises, well, that's not exactly true. It would be more accurate to say I don't expect any promises or guarantees. What I'm looking for is a chance to start again. I really want to do that with you as a part of it, even if it's a small part.

"Well," she said taking a deep breath. "What are your feelings on my proposal?"

I noticed she asked about my feelings and not my thoughts. That was probably smart. My thoughts were all over the place. I was both perturbed and flattered she wanted to move close to me. In a small way I felt like I was being manipulated into making a decision. In another way, I felt like I was being given another chance.

I hadn't started out trying to remove Deidre from my life; it was more in response to the situation and to all the pressure I'd felt at the time. Back then I needed to separate myself completely from her, and it escalated into something unyielding. Now that pressure was gone. Nobody was pulling the strings but me.

There were still feelings of hurt and betrayal, but they weren't as overwhelming as they'd been years ago. I also knew I still loved her, but my trust was deeply damaged. Could it be rebuilt? Possibly, but it would take time and would never be what it was before. Still, would it be better or worse than what I might find out there?

I looked at Deidre and stepped back, allowing her to enter into my apartment.

"I think you'd find living in these apartments nice. Maintenance is easy to work with and it's pretty quiet..."

My decision was simple. The only way to find out was to give both possibilities a try. I'd continue to date other women, but also date Deidre. How long would that would last was anyone's guess.

I figure I'll probably end up with Deidre exclusively someday. She certainly has the inside track to my heart. She knows me better than any of the women I might date, but she also has the ghost of our past marriage to deal with, and that'll never entirely go away.

Will I ever marry again? I doubt it. Being exclusive with Deidre or Celia or Lori or even someone else, still sounds good to me; marriage... not so much. With both a broken marriage and engagement in my past, I doubt I'd ever be interested in marriage again, but who knows?

****