Queen of Heaven Ch. 06

"Oh, shit. Right. Jojo is coming."

"Well, I don't know about that. I just asked her to stop by because I knew she wanted to see you and I'm buttering up the boss. She is trying to find money in the organization to find me a permanent spot."

"Awesome. That would be great. But, yeah, let's put this stuff in the bedroom anyway. Out of the way. Is she staying for dinner?"

"No idea. I offered her a drink and the pool if she wanted it. Glad to cook though if folks are into it. Or there's the ever faithful pizza."

"The pool? Think she'll want to swim?"

"Might. She made some crack about me not wanting to see her in a suit, so I teased her a bit about the suits optional policy around here."

Michelle chuckled, "She blushed, yeah?"

"A bit. She'd said something about me seeing you in a swimsuit and I said that I hadn't yet, since you don't bother."

"Yeah, that would make her blush a bit. Seriously, though, I'm kind of proud of you for flirting with her."

"First of all, not flirting. Just being chatty. Second, you're the only girlfriend in the world who would be glad of me flirting with your old partner - if I had been flirting. Which I wasn't."

"You were totally flirting, baby boy. Totally. And it's cool with me. She's a good friend. I still have a ton of affection for her. And I think it's good if we can all be close. Besides, if she blushed and also still comes by tonight, then I'm going to bet that she was flirting with you a bit too. Even if you didn't see it. I know, my Jojo."

"Well, be that as it may. Open the wine. I'll put this away for now."

I shoved all the bags into a closet in the master bedroom - the one I was using rather than the one I'd designated for the girls. Honestly I hadn't yet figured out what I was going to do with all the closets. To some extent, having two part-time roommates just solved my little problem.

The doorbell rang and was shortly followed by a bit of a squeal. I stepped out into the living room and saw Michelle in a giant bear hug with Joann. It made me smile. She was the filthiest most adult person I'd ever dated. Her taste in jokes could edge into the ultraviolet, but she was, at least occasionally, still a little kid at heart. She was delighted to see her old friend and bursting like an overheated teakettle with joy. Gotta love that.

"Jojo!"

"ChelleChelle!"

I called out, "Okay, no more cutesy nicknames or I'm taking the wine away."

Joann laughed and said, "I just got here. I'm completely wineless."

"And you are not the boss of me, GG."

"Oh, don't do that."

"Then serve us up some wine while we talk too much and too loudly about things that make you uncomfortable."

"Michelle, I'd remind you that Joann just got here and she also signs my timecard. So, you know, let's not give her reason to stop doing that."

Joann said, "Oh, c'mon Gil. I have been trying to fire you for weeks. Obviously, that's why I set you up with Michelle. I figured you'd do something heinous, give me an excuse to fire you and then she'd come running back to me for consolation."

"That sounds like far too well-planned a strategy, Joann. Should I start bribing someone in HR?"

"Graft starts at home, Gil. For instance, it could start with a couple of glasses of wine."

"You win. Michelle, you guys want the wine outside? I'll put together some cheese so that you two don't immediately end up passed out on my patio."

Michelle grabbed Joann by the hand and started walking her towards the patio, "Good idea. I'd hate for JoJo to pass out before she's told me all the dirt on you."

"This is going to end badly isn't it," I asked.

"Probably. But bring wine, baby."

As they headed out on the patio I heard Michelle say, "Your text said that you weren't serious about him, right? How's that going? And how's your momma doing? I really miss-"

The door closed and I started pouring wine. Red and medium priced. I save the cheap stuff for me, mostly, but for my boss only the finest moderately priced wine that I happen to have on hand. Sparing only some expense.

Bringing those outside, I eased into the conversation. Both women were sitting on the edge of the pool dangling their feet in the water, shoes beside them.

"Yeah, she finally dumped him, but now she's moving in with me. Which is not ideal."

"Seriously? I always loved your momma. I bet she's a fun roomie and good for her getting rid of the doofus."

"Yeah, I know. He needed to go. Or rather she needed to leave him, but now she's at my place which is a little cramped. And much as I love her, I haven't had a real roommate since you."

"Well, I'm sure she's a great kisser. I don't see the problem."

Joann playfully swatted at Michelle and said, "Hey, that was just for you. I don't make a habit of sleeping with my roommates. And besides, even so, she's my momma. So, that's right out."

Michelle said, "Whatever. She's a cool momma so I wouldn't rule anything out."

"I thought you hadn't started hitting the wine yet, Drunky McDrunkerson."

"Oh, this is just base level irreverent and flirty. When the wine gets here, I can turn it up a notch. Oh, wait. GIL!!"

"Yes, dear."

"Fuck?! Don't sneak up on a girl like that."

"It's hardly sneaking, baby. You were just gossiping at full tilt. That tends to drown out everything. And, so service with a smile. Joann, your glass. And Michelle, yours. And the bottle is on the table next to the chaises. Help yourself."

"Good boy," my girlfriend beamed.

"You've trained him well Michelle. I can't even get him to buy me lunch without threatening his employment."

"You got me, bosslady, I said. "I'm easily bought off. Apparently, Michelle has all my secrets. Just don't ask her for them or she'll tell you."

"I'm pretty sure I'll just wait until the second glass. That should be enough. She'll give up the goods for free."

"Only to you Jojo... well, and Gil... and that one time at the Sadie Hawkins dance... and, of course-"

I said, "Michelle, we are well aware of your affectionate nature. No need for a list. Drink up. And get Joann to hire me so that we can invite her over all the time and ply her with drink and conversation for the betterment of my career."

"Done."

Joann looked up at me, "Hey, I can be bought, but I'm not cheap."

"Good to know. Now, I'm going to make food so that no one passes out in the pool. Well, until later anyway."

With the two of them chattering away about something, no doubt, scandalous, I headed into the kitchen. Grabbing my phone, I texted Mom.

"Joann is over for wine and gossip. Come by if you want, but remember - outsider present. XO."

Flipping open my laptop I connected to the wireless speakers and shuffled a Bop playlist that I liked. A little Dizzy. A lot of Miles. Some of the easier Bird and Trane. A smattering of Chet. Then I started putting together a board of snacks. Some crackers - no fresh baguette, it's not Nice around here. Some cheese - a couple of half-packages of Gruyere and a nice Cheddar. I had a jar of fig preserves that was nice. Oh, and there were those artichoke hearts I meant to serve at some point. Might as well this evening. I mean, I'll probably end up ordering a pizza later, but for now this gives them something to snack on. Thought I had some grapes left, but Michelle must have snagged those last night, a reminder that I was shopping for three now.

As Miles birthed the cool, I stepped onto the patio. I put the cutting board with assorted goodies down on the table with the wine. Then I picked up that table - it's not a feat of strength... we're talking about cheap patio furniture... and walked over to the girls to set it down between them.

"... really? No shit?" Joann said.

"No shit. And I really like her a lot."

"I wouldn't have guessed you'd meet the mother for a while. But, sure."

I said, "It was an accident of sorts, actually. Don't blame me for rushing things."

"Yeah," Michelle added. "I didn't know she was chatty and worked out at the gym I was going to. I'd been talking to her for weeks by the time I found out she was Gil-baby's Mom."

Joann grabbed a cracker and loaded it with cheese, "That must have been awkward. Oh, and thanks Gil this is really thoughtful."

I replied, "You're welcome, I AM really thoughtful now that you mention it, and I can hardly imagine awkward things ever being an obstacle to Michelle, can you?"

"Now that you mention it, not really. I mean, the first time MY mother met her it was ass up."

"Oh my."

"Yeah, Mom came to visit one weekend and just walked in. Michelle was - I should really have another glass of wine before I tell you this-"

"Ahead of you boss," I said as I topped off her glass and continued into Michelle's.

"So, yeah, Mom steps in and says 'Great Day in the Morning!' because the first thing she sees is Michelle's ass in full moon and my feet in the air. I guess I had to come out to her at some point but I didn't expect it would be that way."

I nodded. "I could see that as being sub-optimal."

"But, you know, an awkward situation, which was followed by Michelle charming my mother so thoroughly that I was instantly the second favorite student at our university."

Michelle protested, "That's not true. Momma liked me, but you were always top of the heap. Well, except for that time over Easter break. And I WAS really charming and thoughtful. You couldn't really win that one."

Jo added, "I think we all agree, Michelle. You are pretty awesome."

Michelle smiled, "See, it's nice when we all agree."

"And, I take it you call Joann's mother, Momma? How does your family handle that?"

"Oh, they're fine. It's funny, but Kate just took to me... I guess she'd seen my best side-"

"Hardy Har Har," Jo deadpanned.

"... and so, she sort of adopted me into the family. My folks weren't in town to visit often so while Jo and I were together... well, Kate was Momma."

"I get it. It's kinda cute. Especially given that you've never called my mother anything but her name."

"Er, that's not true. I've called her lots of things."

"Yes, yes, I know. No need to get into that. But, yeah. I just think it's cute that you call Joann's mother Momma. It's sweet."

"Well, I'm sweet, as you can see."

"I've often noted."

Joann took a sip from her wine, and asked "So, I gather that you and your Mom are close, Gil?"

Michelle choked on her wine. I really have to start her drinking something that doesn't stain as badly as red wine. It was dribbling out the corner of her mouth.

Joann looked at her. "You okay, Chelle."

I said, "She's fine. Just developed a drinking problem lately. But, yeah, Mom and I are close nowadays. We've always been tight, but I'd been out of her circle for a few years - college, consulting, etc. Coming home meant we saw each other more, and when we discovered that she was already friends with Splurty over here. Well, it gave us all an excuse to spend more time together. I'd say we're closer now than we've ever been."

"I'll say," Michelle added as she wiped away evidence of her choking issue.

"Anyway, eat up you two. Can you stay for dinner, Joann? Won't be anything fancy. Probably just pizza, but there'll be plenty."

"Uh, yeah, I suppose. Is that okay, Michelle?"

"Of course, it's okay, doof. I haven't been in the same room as you in ages. Texting isn't the same. So, you'd better stay. Or I'll accidentally choke wine all over you and make you stay while we clean your clothes."

"Anything to get me naked, huh?"

"You know me," Michelle responded with angelic innocence.

"Okay, I'll put in an order in a few minutes."

As I closed the door behind me I heard them say, "... he is awfully sweet. Don't mess it up."

"You either! Hire him. I'll keep sleeping with him. Everybody will get what they want. Well, unless you want ME to hire him while YOU sleep with him?"

"Chelle! You are terrible-"

I grinned. Well, it's nice to be wanted. In whichever arena.

I opened a second bottle of red and poured myself a glass. No chance we were getting away with one bottle tonight, anyway. My phone buzzed as I went to my laptop to order dinner.

"Want me there or not? Your call."

Well, that was thoughtful. Still, never say no to mother.

"Of course, you should come by if you're comfortable. Just wanted to give you a heads up."

"Red or White?"

"White. Michelle keeps spewing red. It stains."

"Interesting. Did you praise Jo's tits?"

"Not exactly. She's just developed an innuendo problem. Ordering pizza now."

"I'll beat it there. Leave the door unlocked if you don't want to bother."

"Will do. Plus your personal set of keys will be on the bar. Seemed like a good idea."

"For Mikey too?"

"Course."

"Good Boy. CU soon."

I logged into my pizza-by-the-ton account and ordered four styles. Too much, of course, but a variety. Besides the best pizza is next-morning-pizza. I grabbed the extra bottle and walked back out.

Michelle was crowing, "Garcon! Garcon! We are all out of wine."

"Oui, mademoiselle. I anticipated the possibility. In fact, you'll find that there are even new bottles being delivered in a few minutes."

"I knew there was a reason to keep you around. Wine delivery didn't seem likely. Pizza, sure. But, wine?"

I filled the glasses and put the remaining bottle on the table as I retrieved the empty and headed to the recycle bin with it.

"Anna called. She's bringing white. Seems better than everyone having stained clothing thanks to your drinking problem."

"It's hardly a problem. Well, at least not with drinking. Maybe it's an-"

"Innuendo problem. At least that's what I called it to Mom."

"That's fair."

Joann giggled, "You too are far too in sync for me to keep up. But I like it. I haven't seen Chelle this happy in a long time. Glad to find that you aren't an asshole, Gil."

"Glad to not be an asshole Joann. Well, at least not a known asshole. Who knows? Maybe I have horrible assholery in my soul and it just takes rooting around to find."

Michelle offered, "If it's there I can find it. I figure I'll start looking below the belt. Sure to find something naughty before too long. Maybe even naughty in a way I don't like. Unlikely-"

"Unlikely," Joann interjected.

"But, it could happen. So I'll just have to make a thorough study of the subject."

I kicked off my shoes and bent down to remove my socks. I figured I shouldn't be the only one with no pool access.

"Whose looking after your pool, Gil," Joann asked.

"Well, at the moment the three of us."

"I mean, whose doing the cleaning and the water testing? That sort of thing."

"The owners left notes so I've been trying to keep up, but honestly it's not the most natural thing for me, why? Does it look bad?"

"No, it's fine, but it can be a pain to keep up with unless it's a hobby. I've got a cousin who has a service if you want a hand. I can get you the family discount. Well, or at least a discount of some kind. It's a small business and they are always looking for new clients."

"Cool. Yeah, leave me the name. I would rather not have to worry about it. And we're using it a lot more lately. So, it would be nice to make sure it's in good shape."

The patio door opened and Anna stepped out with, "What kind of party is this?" She was holding two bottles of white wine. "I've been here 30 seconds and no one has offered me a drink."

I chuckled and said, "You are here often enough that I just assumed you knew where the glasses were. Help yourself and then chill those bottles."

"Oh fine."

Joann looked back to us, "I take it this is your mother. I spot the sarcasm resemblance."

"It runs in the family."

Michelle said, "Amongst other things."

"Huh?"

"Nothing Joann. Michelle is just trying to make a funny after a glass of wine too many. As you may know, she's probably not as witty as she thinks."

"You know, Gil. I knew there was something I liked about you. We should really compare Michelle stories. There is so much I can teach you."

"Really?"

Michelle stood up, wobbling slightly. "Very funny, you too. You know, you love me."

"I'm sure that's true," said Anna as she re-emerged glass in hand.

"Gospel, babe. Now, that Anna's here the party can start."

Joann laughed and said, "Well, I don't want to intrude if you guys are planning some sort of party."

Michelle turned to her, "Don't you dare get up Jojo. It's a party in celebration of you stopping in. And Fridays. And wine. And Anna's magnificent-"

"Personality," I interjected. "Michelle and my mother get along really well, as you can see."

Michelle had walked bouncily over to Anna and swept her up in a one handed bear hug while working not to spill her wine.

Joann said, "But I shouldn't intrude. You just invited me for a drink and I'm already into your dinner plans and interrupting your mom's stopping by."

"Nonsense," I said. "Just relax. Make yourself at home. And try not to let Michelle say anything that gets me fired."

Joann said, "Well, first of all, thanks. And secondly, don't worry about it. You are honestly going to be fine. I make my Girl Scout pledge not to remember anything Michelle says-"

"Or does," I added.

"Or does, when it comes to business on Monday."

"Well, that's a relief."

The doorbell rang, and before I could turn around Joann's eyes widened as she said, "Oh."

I turned in time to see Michelle tossing her top on the patio as she used her other hand to unhook her bra. She headed to the door, presumably to get the pizzas and said over her shoulder, "It's a tradition!"

I looked at Joann and said, "Joann, remember that part where I added 'Or does.' I really meant that."

"I believe you, Gil. I mean, I know our girl so very little surprises me, but ... yeah."

"Yeah, and Joann. Meet Anna, my mother."

"Uh, hi Anna," she said still a little stunned.

"Hi there, Jojo. Do you mind if I call you Jojo. Or Jo. Or Josie. No, not that. I think Jo. I like Jo."

"That's, uh. Fine."

"So, why is everyone not in the pool?"

"Well, Mom. We were just talking and Joann..."

"Is gorgeous."

"Yes, Mom. She is lovely. See, Joann. This is clearly why Michelle and my mother get along."

"Uh, peas in a pod?"

"In an adventurous pod, yeah. I'd say so."

"Okay, you two. No party pooping. Pizza is here. Mikey is taking care of that. She's obviously left me in charge as Activities Director. So, I say 'Everyone into the pool-"

"Mom. Uh, I'm sure Joann didn't bring a suit. We wouldn't want to make her uncomfortable," I tried to be tactful.

"Joann, you are a guest in Gil's home. I would hate to make you uncomfortable."

"Er, thanks Anna, I-"

"But, I'm going to get in the pool. Since you don't have a swimsuit with you and your terrible host doesn't have one here for you, I will make the sacrifice and just get in without one."

I quickly said, "Mom-" and she was out of her outer clothing and down to a bra and her underwear. "Joann may be-" bra gone, thumbs in her panties "really embarr-" panties gone.

Anna said, "Bare is indeed the way to be. Now c'mon you two. Into the pool, or just be a voyeur and watch the old lady do laps. Michelle and I are swimming when she gets back. So unless you want to play backgammon in the living room, you might as well join me."

I looked to Joann, "You knew what you were getting me into with Michelle, but neither of us could predict what bringing her together with Anna would do. If all this, Activities Director stuff is too much. I would totally understand."

Joann laughed. "Oh, Gil. Michelle has been trying to embarrass me since sophomore year. She hasn't won yet. Anna has a tough mountain to climb to get me blushing. Don't report me to HR and I'll never tell."

I said, "Seems fair enough. But don't feel like you need to-" Joann stood on the side of the pool and unbuttoned her trousers. "-do anything" dropped them to the ground, "that makes you feel awkward."