All Comments on 'Quest for the Ultimate O Ch. 02'

The concept is hot and you show potential, but you seem to keep changing between past and present tense which gets a bit distracting. There were some other items (their/they're, etc.) that an editor would help catch.

Some might also give suggestions as to the story itself. You hinted on build up with the tasks in the first chapter, but then jumped straight into the sex.

I found it difficult to figure out the body positions the two were in. I didn't think it was clear at times. They were in 69 for the orgasms but, personally, I don't know if I could finger a pussy and an ass in that position while using my tongue on her clitoris. Seems as if the fingers would get in the way of the clit licking in a 69. Also, as in the previous comment, the story jumped ahead too quickly. But one thing I really like is that each chapter is short and just a single page. I find that I frequently have to pass up reading a story because I don't have time to read several pages. Gave you 4 stars.

I do appreciate it. The story was translated from a different format, and I must admit I rushed a bit to submit it. I will definitely keep your comments in mind. Thanks again

Connie obviously has a delightful gap between her thighs but you've left a big gap in the story.

In Ch I Connie promised that his phone would frequently be receiving little tasks he was going to have to perform in order learn all of her little erotic buttons that she wanted pressed.

I never got them! You built the anticipation of a strong but unfulfilled, sexy woman promising a raft of erotic experiences; but they never materialised. I was expecting a chapter devoted to each one.

A huge erotic opportunity missed.

Please never rush a story. The errors referred to by other commentaries are so distracting and take the edge off your nice work. Print it out and read it. Read it on screen. Read it aloud to yourself or find an editor. It will make sixth a difference.

Graham