Quixotic Rapprochement

"I'm - cumming - oh - fuck - Emma! You're - making - me - cum!"

My thrusts sharpened and as I pounded into her, I watched the most beautiful woman I knew orgasm atop me. The orgasm I experienced was earth shattering. The roar in my ears drown out all sounds. I could see she was shouting and bucking me wildly and those images would be captured forever; emblazoned on the canvas of my mind. They would require color to properly depict, no mere graphite would suffice. When the roaring subsided, I was still twitch-thrusting into her as she clenched down upon me. She trembled atop me, frozen in place by a force that paired us forever.

"I love you, Emma," I said defeatedly. I felt her withdraw from me emotionally even as I was still saying the words. As they had tumbled from my mouth, I knew she couldn't mirror my feelings for her.

"You don't have to reciprocate it, but I do love you," I told her softly.

"That was truly amazing, Paul," she replied after a time. Then she climbed off and lay beside me. "I wish I could let myself, but I can't. It would never work, we'd be shunned by everyone."

"I know, but it doesn't change how I feel."

"I need you to be able to move on after this summer, or we're going to have to stop. I could never live with myself if I hurt you."

"I'm going to try, Emma," I said resolutely.

"You need to promise, we need to keep some distance, emotionally."

"Okay."

"Promise."

"Okay, I promise."

"Say the whole thing," she insisted.

"I promise I'll love you as a sister and move on after this summer."

I already wanted to cry. It was a promise that hurt to my core. I think she could see it and she hopped from the bed.

"Come on let's get a shower," she said pulling me to join her.

In the shower, we washed one another gently and caressed each other until the water turned cold. When we got out and dried off, I'd wanted to return to her room, but she was enforcing emotional separation with physical distance.

"We shouldn't sleep together, it'll just make it harder," she said. "You were a very good lover tonight and you'll make a great catch for a nice lady. It'll get easier."

It disappointed me some, okay maybe a lot, but I tried to understand it from her point of view, too. She was really hurt by Bo, maybe worse than I was by Jenny, so I let it go, for the time being. I wasn't sure it'd get easier but I was fairly determined to try and eventually sleep together.

Back in my room, I thought about Mme Soliel or maybe just someone like her. I wondered half aloud Would it be so bad if I looked for someone like Emma? Suddenly the vision of her in climax on top of my cock was revisited upon me. I needed to commit it to paper now and then again once I had the right tools. As I pulled the sketchpad from the drawer, I realized I would need to go to town or maybe even to the city for colored pencils or maybe some pastels. I'd tried soft pastels in art class, and hadn't really liked the feeling of them. But now, I felt they might be the only way I could render her properly.

Climbing into my bed, I turned to the last picture of Emma. It was the last picture I'd drawn, in several days. Recent distractions, that'd followed that evening when she'd posed so I could capture the details of her pussy, had evidently put me off. Tonight I found new energy pulsing through me that needed to be released. Often after orgasm, I just wanted to sleep but tonight, there would be no rest until this portrait was complete. If I'd thought the art store in town were open and had the supplies I needed, I might have gotten dressed and gone there immediately, but this gray-scale would have to do tonight.

I probably spent an hour drawing and when I'd finished, I found I was fully erect again. I selfishly wished that I could have stayed in Emma's bed. The pad returned to its drawer, I pulled out the cloth and thought about some blended person awaiting me out there that looked like the two women I longed for, but couldn't have. Four times in one day might have been a new record for me and I fell asleep with the comforting thought that I could do that for someone. That idea was mixed with a deep longing to find her or maybe convince her.

---

Over the ensuing days, we agreed we'd work on the lake shack every day after chores. The chores were really beginning to diminish as the plants became much hardier. The first day, we went to town to get several bags of concrete for the footings. After we got them, I went to the craft store to see if they had the supplies I needed in stock. I got a new pad, a couple larger professional drawing tablets and a sizable colored pencil set. They didn't have the soft pastels and told me I'd have to go to a store in Burlington to get those.

Back at the farm, we dropped those items off at the house and then drove down to the lake. We got the concrete set and went skinny-dipping while it dried. Emma had me take her from behind as she hung from the ladder. It seemed to excite us both to no end as I clung to her and lifted myself into her over and over. Sated we went back to the house and ate dinner. After we cleaned up, we had sex again on the sofa and one last time in the shower.

As we continued on the structure each day, we took several opportunities to repeat our swim habit and almost always ended up having sex during or after. We'd done it in the water, on the rock and dock. I'd repeated taking her from behind at the ladder a couple of times as that seemed to excite her the most. They were some of the best days of my life.

The day we finished the structure, we made love there too. We'd brought a new hammock and connected it between two of the supports. It made a really decent open but covered structure that I looked forward to using again. When evening came, she invited me to sleep with her and I eagerly accepted. It felt like we must be falling in love, to me. I clung to her during and after making love to her. I lost count of the number of times we'd done it, but the times that night had meant the most.

The next day we finished making a fire-pit. We took another long sexcapade on the dock and then a couple times in the shack. Unfortunately, when we'd returned to the house, Mama and Papa had as well. We'd driven back to find the wagon parked at the front porch and they were sitting together on the front swing. I knew I must smell pungent as I could taste Emma on myself from where we'd given one another mutual oral in the hammock; Emma said it was called sixty-nine.

Seeing the wagon gave us both a scare but Emma was the first to speak, "Okay, we'll have to cool it for now."

"Yeah, I know," I said dejectedly.

"Take that sad puppy dog look off your face, Mama will see it for sure. We can still sneak down there," she said trying to cheer me up.

"Okay, that'll help. What'll I do about the smell of you on my face right now though?"

"Use the wet part of that towel before you get out and don't get too close to them."

She parked over by the shed to give me time and then we both got out of the truck together and approached the porch.

"You both look rested and happy," I offered. "Does that mean you found something?"

"Yes we did. We just need to make an offer," Pops said.

"It's a smaller farm, with nothing but an old run down barn but we think we can make that weather proof enough to use while we build."

"I guess that means I need to get that loan going. Paul said he'd help me look at financing."

"Yeah, I'll go get washed up and we'll start on it right after dinner," I offered.

"We finished the shack, down by the lake," Emma told them.

As I climbed the steps to the front porch, I could feel Mama looking at me closely. I opened the screen door, went quickly through and jogged up the stairs to the bathroom. Behind the closed door, I observed myself in the mirror and realized that look was on my face again. It was a happy or satisfied look, but there was something else there. The most important thought I had was that I wondered what Mama thought the look meant. It was the second time I'd felt her gaze judging or perhaps weighing my character. I climbed in the shower and washed myself vigorously in an attempt to make certain there were no residual odors from my activities with Emma.

When I finished, I went directly to my room to get some graph paper and a calculator to help Emma with her purchase plan. Heading back down the stairs, I wondered how quickly Mama and Pops would want her to pay off the part she didn't get from the bank and how much she had set aside already.

The evening went pretty smoothly, we had a dinner of leftovers and I helped clear away the dishes with Emma. Mama and Pops gave me a rough time frame based upon his retirement in about five years. He could technically retire right now, but it would have been at a reduced level. They were going to start building as soon as his leg was strong again but would come back for planting next year and again to help with harvests for the first few years.

Emma had enough for about a third of the total cost of the farm. I guess Papa had been paying her fairly well over the past twenty years. It made me wonder why she and Bo hadn't worked on some kind of an arrangement. In any case, we'd go to the bank and get a loan based upon the equity in the farm. Mom and Pops would be silent partners until she paid them off their forty-nine percent. We all thought if things kept going the way they were, she would probably be able to do the five years Pops was hoping to have. He said he'd be flexible if there were any hard years that would be the only thing that might throw off our schedule.

Everything settled, Mama and Pops went to bed and Emma and I chatted a bit more. She was getting a little nervous about all of this, but she was very excited as well. It was a big move and my ability to help her a little made me feel pretty good about things between us. Despite them being home and downstairs, we went straight to her room and had a quick but nice session.

---

Over the next few days, there were lots of trips to banks and negotiations to get the lowest rates for the difference to make her the major shareholder. It was a total blur of activity and included Mama and Pops making an offer on the smaller place in South Carolina.

Following that, Emma and I resumed our role-play training dates. She'd come up with a cover story for Mama that we were practicing so I could meet and court someone during my senior year in college. Mama had agreed I needed to settle down after school and get started on a family. When she'd said that I thought for a moment that there was a flitting expression of sorrow or anger on Emma's face, but it was so brief that I wasn't sure.

I also took a couple days to do a nice big portrait of her sitting out under the maple tree. It was the second one that I used my colored pencils to draw, she hadn't seen the other one of herself in climax. Mama was fascinated with this and she hovered by me often to see the progress. I guess it was a good thing I'd chosen to use the new larger sketch tablet.

When the colored sketch was complete, Mama insisted on getting it framed for Emma. She wanted it to be hung in Emma's new house above the mantle and she said she'd like one of her and Pops in the swing. I agreed and she left us to start on dinner.

When Emma saw the finished piece, she was really happy and hugged me tightly after looking at it for a long while. Then she whispered in my ear, "I still want one more. One that Mama and Papa can't see."

"I've already started on the small version of that, but I think I might need to have you sit for it again so I can get it just right."

That got a little punch and a giggling, "Okay, maybe down by the lake."

"Alright, but I want our last time to be special."

"What we've had all summer has been special, sweetie."

"Yes, that's not what I was trying -"

"I know what you're saying, I just don't want to make it so special you can't let go."

It was well beyond that point in my mind, but I said, "It would be nice to make love in the house again."

"We'll figure something out."

The last days of my summer vacation were quickly disappearing and there was a certain anxiety about it ending. It wasn't just my leaving Emma and the farm, it was that my life was probably going to be changing soon. Graduating would mean getting a job and working. There wouldn't be time for lengthy visits like this anymore. Plus, the next time I came here, Mama and Pops would likely be moved. Change was coming and I could feel it.

The sketch of Mama and Papa was finished the weekend before I was to leave. I worked on Emma's in my room and we had a couple of lengthy sessions at the shack by the lake. What hadn't happened yet was our last time together and as much as I was looking forward to that, I also dreaded it. We hadn't spoken about it much as we'd worked hard to get things ready for harvest. We hooked the baler to the tractor and baled about thirty acres of hay. Pops insisted on driving some too, so we had to help him up onto it and back down when he was done. Some of the corn was being picked for market, but they'd have to run the combine after I'd gone.

When my last day came, I'd begun to think that we wouldn't even have a last session. I spent much of my time packing. I'd gathered all of my old sketchbooks and all of my new art supplies into a new bag I'd gotten. After dinner, I'd been packing the last of my belongings to head back to school. There was still going to be a considerable amount of clothes and property here, but I wondered when or if I'd ever retrieve them. I was about to call it a night when she'd shown up in my room to take me to hers. Before we went, I gave her the large finished sketch of her in climax. It was very erotic and I wished I could keep it for myself, but I knew I was going to make another one.

She practically pulled me to her secluded room. There she hid the sketch in a large Christmas wrapping paper tube. We began to undress one another and I could feel my hands trembling.

"You don't think they'll hear, right?"

"This room is on the opposite side from the addition and they're dead tired from working over the last several days."

"Emma?"

"What, sweetie?"

"I just want to tell you how much I appreciate what you've been doing for me."

"Paul, knock it off. I love you."

"I will love you for the rest of my life."

"I know, Paul. You can't hide your feelings very well."

"So, you let me continue anyway."

"I've enjoyed this as much as you. After tonight, it'll be different."

"Yeah, it will."

"Come here, you," she said pulling me to the bed.

"Make love to your big sister one last time."

I joined her on the bed and nuzzled against her for a long time. My love embroiled emotions a mixture of rapture and loss. We made love that night for the longest time. I stubbornly refused to cum until I'd seen a couple of big orgasms from her. She let me sleep in her bed that night and we made our peace with parting as best as we could. I could tell it was giving her some trouble too, but I knew she was right. We would never be accepted together and maybe there was someone out there for me.

---

The bus ride back to college was long and grueling. My new sketchpad remained in my backpack most of the trip to Washington because I simply couldn't focus on the countryside like I had during the journey home. I'd gathered all of the old ones and the larger ones and put them in a new traveling bag to protect them.

Emma stayed in my thoughts throughout the journey. When she'd pressed me to promise I'd find someone when I got back to college that last night, it'd hurt. That was what all of the practice had been about from her point of view. To my mind, it wasn't quite that clear; the night I'd told her I only loved her after we'd been intimate flooded my emotions. Tears streamed down my face at one point during the trip, those words held the raw truth in my heart, while the landscape passed by outside my window.

It felt a little weird leaving Emma to tackle the farm nearly alone. I'd helped with the plan and she was a smart woman, but I could see there was some doubt in her eyes when we parted. There would be costs to some of the ideas I'd given her about niche markets and growing plants in off season required infrastructure she didn't have yet.

Mama and Pops would be there to help some, but I could see he wanted to start building their retirement home as soon as possible. If his leg had been up to it, they might have just stayed down there for the rest of the year. As it was, they'd work on it during the winters until it was finished. Pops just didn't want someone else building it because he knew it wouldn't be like he wanted it and he could do it more cost effectively. Once they moved, they could live with what they had in savings and with the profits, she would pay down the rest of what was owed. Emma would finish paying them about the time he retired and their social security would kick in once they could officially do so.

---

Back at the university, my thoughts of Emma continued for the first couple weeks. It nagged at the back of my mind during the introductory week of classes that is always so slow and boring. I spent many evenings reliving our contacts, but eventually, I reverted to my old behavior. Things weren't quite like after the breakup with Jenny, but I definitely turned inward and became more focused on school. In a way my proving myself to her replaced or displayed my need for her to consider me as her real true love.

What had started out as a slow senior year, quickly became the routine of classes, homework and tests. Before I knew what'd happened, I was so engaged with everything that routine things were almost passing by in a flash. Maybe it'd happened because I was super busy or perhaps I was merely occupying myself so I wouldn't obsess about Emma. In any case, I found myself a decent paying entry level position with a great business to augment my fall semester classes. After the first month went well, they'd promised me that they would be making me a full employee with an above average starting salary, once I obtained my business degree. I was saving much of the money I was making and doing pretty well. As far as I could determine, everything was back on track after my summer break.

My classes were going great, I was focused and making progress on a business career. Everything was happening according to plan. Of course, I'm certain that is what everyone thinks right before the universe takes notice and tilts the tables. That's how it was for me, right up until the following spring. In a split second my life changed, I just hadn't known it at the time.

It was a beautiful spring afternoon and we'd gotten out of our business class late. I was rushing from the lecture hall to the residence parking, so I could get to my 'job/internship'. That was when IT happened. I thought I was paying attention but evidently, I was distracted. I don't recall exactly what I was doing, perhaps I was lost in thought or had been looking down or at the trees again or I don't know what... But there she was, lying on the grass, with books and papers strewn everywhere.

"Oh my God, Madame Soliel! I'm so sorry," I said rushing to pick up her books, papers and offer her a hand.

"Where are you going in such a hurry, Monsieur Rocinante?" she asked, once she'd recovered a bit.

I felt her looking at me, awaiting an answer. There was an answer, I simply couldn't remember what it was as I stood there staring at her. Emma was right; she did know I existed, she remembered my name. It'd been nearly a year since I'd seen her and she'd used my name to ask me where I was going. Here she was, standing right in front of me with that same lovely white flowing dress from last year. That was where the déjà vu ended though, because now there was a green grass stain upon the hip. Her left hand was rubbing it and that was the moment I noticed that the rings were gone and the lighter skin stood out just a bit against the green.