All Comments on 'Rachel and Michelle'

This was a horribly written bdsm fuckfest. Use of perspective was weird and distracting ("them" rather than "her" appeared too often in the narrative) and the characters were as engrossing as a limp tuna sandwich. The characters had no depth, you gave me nothing to care about here. It was boring. Really, dude, this was a stupid waste of time.

This story has some potential, however you shouldn't have submitted it. Writting this kind of story, you should never use a while later. It kills the story. Spend time to develop what happens. It would have been nice for the story to be longer as well. Perhaps foreplay while they were shopping and at the cafe would have been nice. If they were dating for a while and really loved another, show it in the story. It would really make it enjoyable. I'm not trying to be mean here, just because this story wasn't the best doesn't mean you won't be an amazing writer one day.

Wonderful use of nonbinary pronouns. To the idiot who wrote about them before me... Learn about people who use they... They do exist.

However, story line could use a little work. Having the assumed top be a submissive is great, but I would have liked to have seen more of their interaction before the roles began.