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This story, in outline, has been sitting on my computer for quite a while. I think the idea came to me one time looking over the edge of the cliffs on Ragged Point (yes — a real place.) I just hadn't gotten around to filling in the blanks until Randi sent her email.
This story isn't so much a mystery as a crime story — and the 'hook' is shamelessly stolen from 'The Unfaithful Wife' starring Diane Lane and Richard Gere. I know MY wife would give me an alibi! What about YOURS, eh?
And kudos to BlackRandi — she is a font of creative ideas and has become a real mover and shaker amongst the Lit. authors and readers. Thanks for thinking of me, Randi!
BTW — in order to create a space between 'scenes' I would love to just have an extra blank line, but HTML gets rid of empty lines. You need to have a character (so far as I know). That is the reason for the {?}'s in the story.... And the question mark because, you see, it's a mystery!
- COMMENTS
Anonymous14 days agoDon’t put parenthetical statements inside of dialogs; unless you are going to have the character say “parenthetically”. You also had a couple instant POV changes and having the same character speak two paragraphs in a row is confusing. Either contain it in one paragraph or insert a sentence in between to give the reader a heads up they should look to see who is speaking and not assume it wasn’t the last person speaking and jump past the citation. Other than those nits it was a very good story.
Anonymous25 days agoA very entertaining story,a winner in every category that makes it a success for a reader like myself..5 stars..JZK..
fredbrown3 months agoPut it on my list of fav's. Way short of sexual fillers but the plot is intriguing, almost Twilight Zone'ish.
Chopinesque comments that the empty chambers in the revolver would tell the appointed victim that there were no rounds in the gun. Might be true for ole Clint but I'd be waaay too busy crapping my pants to notice a thing like that
MidwestSoutherner11 months agoLoved it. One of your best. Hope to see some new material in the future.
The hat tip to Murphy's Law - nice.
In my experience, the scummiest of Hollywood types is only exceeded by New York City folks living in Florida. Not to say that the rest of L.A. isn't as 'user' oriented of a mindset as the movers and shakers.
Believable characters; cheating can be 'attractive' until... and there ARE folks who cross the line mentally, but not physically. For the ones that say they wanted the almost-wayward wife punished - OK, the same day that you castrate yourselves for chipping off to Miss December in the bathroom because you wife won't give you head. Hypocrites.
Chopinesqueabout 1 year agoAwesome story! Really good read As I read it, if Art hadn't showed up it might have become a forcible rape. You know, like that guy now in prison.
One or two gun-oriented minor errors. Well, the first, not so small, involves Art's S&W revolver. When a revolver is unloaded, the chambers in the cylinder are visibly empty from the front, where you're pointing it. Visibly. Empty. Bad move. If it's loaded you can see the bullets. The other, actually possibly not an error at all, is that cops are stereotypically all Glock fans. You might, maybe, conceivably find one with a SIG, IMHO. Not impossible.
