All Comments on 'Rally Weekend Ch. 03'

keep it going, you got to finish what you started.

more cuck shit.

What crap of story...... Geez this author is really that bad!

That poor story, nonsense, lack of creativity can't be worst than that.

That author needs to do a much better job on this pathetic story!

but what is missing is killing the story.

So he has decided to divorce, good. What matters is the resolution of his relationship with his wife. The confrontation and/or discussion that ends the relationship. How does she feel. How does he express how he feels. Is there remorse? Is there an reasoning as to why she has self destructed? Has she fallen out of love or is she simple an addict? Is she honest with him? Will she want to save the marriage or is she just looking to bail? And who sent the video of his cheating wife?

He obviously won't stay (he seems sure of his position and this is expressed very well), but until the relationship (and the dialog needed to address it) is resolved the reader is left dissatisfied.

For a first attempt this was pretty good. Another chapter dealing with the fallout would add a great deal to the story and balance the sequences of infidelity. Seeing the consequences of his and her actions would bring a satisfaction that the story currently lacks.

Keep writing, and good luck!

Need the confrontation.

His wife is a slut who craves drugs and fucking. It happens, and bailing out of the marriage is the solution for him. Your stories are to the point and very erotic where it suits the plot. Nice work!

Not a bad ending, but it still has some issues: For instance: 1 - Why did Mike conspired to deceive him if in the end he was also cheated? 2 - Mike was the only one that could know his email adress, but the question is: how did he got a copy from the footage video, if he wasn't part of the festivities? We concluded this, because if he was in, why would he and Tina been fighting badly all day?

I think this story ends here, no signs that this marriage can survive to the atomic bomb that hit it. No doubt this was the best of the 3 parts. If the 3 parts had been posted as one, this story would have had another impact...3* for the whole story

Lol hey man, I've followed this story all week and you're so close to being great. Right now, just as with the past 2 parts, you've taken us on this cool rollercoaster but then left us at the top. You've given us great tension, now give us some resolution. Good job , though. Give us Vicky's reaction.

What a waste of fucking time! All that bullshit and it is UNFINISHED! *

A few issues need to be addressed to complete the story and give the readers some closure. What was the issue with Mike and Tina and how did it figure into his wife's situation? Who was it that eventually sent the video? What was the confrontation like when the wife got home? What sent her down this road? I know it makes no difference since she cheated, but would still like to hear her side. Just need more detail to bring some closure.

a fresh take on the "strange car" bit.

So, that gets you 3 stars because you JPB'd at the end.

Maybe Vickie's story is coming?

Not so much a climax as an anti-climax. I was hoping you had something less obvious in mind.

Too many plot holes and too much flip flopping about it turned him on vs he hated it. Plus the lack of an ending and any real explanation on the how and why. 2 stars.

Just another he man that wants to burn the bitch,,SICK..

It sounds like the guy is drinking a beer and telling you what happened. It is not well written or plotted, but I am waiting for the next chapter. It somehow has my interest! This was the end of the weekend, not the end of the story, or so it seems to me.

They went to great lengths to keep him away. The party was planned well in advance. She just didn't give a s___. This seems to be her real nature and she hid it from him. He doesn't need her. Time to cut bait and move on.

Well, she didn't get away with it but I have to agree it isn't finished. I did get the disjointed and matter-of-fact almost a defeated feeling in this chapter but that helped me understand and empathize with the character. The video being the final straw he needed to work on beginning this next phase of his life which would be joyless and plodding. I believe that even without regret Vicky would have some guilt and the abrupt phone calls would compound that, however, I didn't read that in the story and perhaps his abruptness kept it from showing it but I did miss knowing if she felt anything at all.

I liked the story. 4 stars from me.

But it had some flaws.

The ending was short. Fun but short.

You know nothing about the guy.

Who is he really?

His brother and father are clearer.

Where does he go from here?

He answered all the sluts phonecalls.

Does that mean one call is enough

to bring him back to her?

So many unanswered questions.

But a fun read.

Thanks writer!

Who is his wife, this story isn't finished . if he did not have to work what would she be doing at this gatherings? Is she that much of a slut? Smoking weed doing Coke and fucking a strangers ,what about diseases from these low life's, why is the husband moving out . He should confront the whore and throw her out. And how did anyone have his email address unless it was this friend otherwise they were all strangers . To what end was this email sent.

That was a non ending. So much left out. The confrontations are what I was waiting for and I was dissapointed. Mike and his half poured concrete, and his set up of his "friend". Who sent the video and why? And thats not even the blow up that she has coming. It is now screaming for Finish The Damn Story.

This "final" chapter dropped it to a 3

JimC

Other than her side which is important, you forgot their son!

If he has that much thought for him, no wonder she wanted out!!! And good for her. He never expresses any real concern for her health and safety, just how it impacts himself and his feelings.

Part 4! Part 4! Part 4!

Try again to short and not a good conclusion. It has potential.

Did I miss the end ?

His wife was horny and in a mood to play and he ran away. The way he talks, this sounds like it's been a pattern. He keeps talking like a prude, so I guess he probably acts like one. Loosen up, Jack, don't buy into this monogamy garbage , and have some fun. You caused your own problem. These BtB stories are so stupid. I kept hoping he'd smarten up and get in on the fun, but he failed. 1*

Unfixed . Was with ya 5 stars all the way . But needs the ending .the how. Why .thebwhat.

Gave you a 2 because you dropped the ball on finishing this story!

You have got to make this right!

this is a great story but it sure needs a closure on it. what happens when she gets home. hope this isnt the end of it cause it leaves everyone hanging. great writing

But were turned off but overly critical comments on parts 1 and/or2 that resulted less in an improved storytelling exercise, but instead in the author giving up?

I think it is the biggest and most classic trope to be found here in LW land:.

"This story sucks! Author why did you bother...."

and then:

"It's not FINISHED, We NEED more!"

Well you fickle assholes, which is it? Go back the entire thread of comments for this story, and THEN ask why Sggylvr doesn't finish? Really, it is obvious....

So he should lighten up, let his wife be auctioned off as a fuck toy then accept the STDs she brings home? The DUIs will be fun. Keeping a special bail account funded so when those bad old cops keep arresting her for possession he can get her skanky ass out. How can he continue to get his regular humiliation if she is locked up all the time. Oh well at the pace she is progressing she'll be dead in four or five years and he can buy another at auction.

Have to agree with others in that it needs more. It feels like instead of finishing you just stopped.

Like many others have written this could go from good to great. It needs a resalution Lots of unanswered questions. The great stories have conflict that shows the immotions of both parties. You are real close. Give us another chapter with Conflict between all four parties involved.

the brevity of the chapters does pique one's interest. The writer has painted the wife into a corner that has made reconciliation impossible, unless the guy is a closet cuck. When a man's wife uses drugs, runs around naked, and then is happily used as a whore, all behind the husband's back, there really can't be a very acceptable explanation. I am curious to see how she tries to get out of this and I wonder why she would try. It seems that she enjoys the lifestyle of a slut, so why would she want to keep the husband?

'"$100 worth of x and weed hooked them from Thursday on"?

Does that mean any of the bikers got to have them when they wished or just the two who screwed them on the pool tables? Sorry, whats that mean?

Great story. 5

It wasn't a bad story. You obviously have some storytelling ability, so I encourage you to write more. You would be a welcome addition here with a few laps under your belt.

Had I been your editor, assuming you used one (everyone should), I would have advised you to combine all three of these chapters into one, and that this was the first third of a story. The most interesting part is yet to come. For me, and many others, the conflict after the events you described is the interesting part. This was a nice setup, but the subsequent action is what I want.

That is the second part of the story. The third is moving forward after the conflict into whatever resolution you choose. Burn it all down, reconcile, however unlikely that seems at this point, whatever you choose. Keep writing, and you'll get there. Thanks, Randi.

I've been following along,it comes in small pieces and I have alot of questions, but perhaps they will be answered as the series goes along. Look forward to the next chapter.

Need to know the aftermath the Vicky Tina Mike and if they realize how bad they Fucked up

But it feels like you've just listed a bunch of bullet points you want in the story and then joined them all up. A bit more dialogue and description required imho. But I'm also looking forward to the next part so keep going!

Absolutely needs an epilogue......it's nearly finished, but definitely incomplete.

I know your new telling stories, but please dont leave us hanging and leave it just halfway thru it. in my opinion it needs more, such as when wife gets home and her reaction, the speperation and divorce and how he and she move on or whatever. so please finish this story

When I read this story I saw the word "conclusion" and assumed this was the end of the story. If so, I am disappointed. The part of any story I read for is missing. The angst, emotions, interplay between husband and wife, resolution of the conflict. You have the build up but not the rest. I went back and reread the opening and it says "conclusion of the weekend" so I am now assuming again: there is hope that this story did not end without an ending and there will be dialogue, rationalizations given and accepted or not. I will wait and see.

anon.1

you were doin so good.........then you just dropped it. That's all that happens to her?? He divorces her??? That's a given. You jumped right over what would have been the best part of the story, the confrontation and the retribution. She needs to feel some pain, punishment and loss. She doesn't even know or suspect she's been caught at this point. There needs to be some retribution, some justice, She's getting away scot free with just a divorce and your letting him get the shaft!. C'mon, grow up! Make her hurt a little, look what she did to the poor guy!!

RFM

talk to her either.

You got to finish this crush mike and the two sluts

If it is, then the whole story deserves a 1. But there is nothing here that makes me think this is the end. Especially since there is a glaring plot device unresolved: He didn't watch the entire fuck fest video to its end. Obviously something happens during the grand prize fucking later in the video that hasn't yet been revealed.

And I didn't read where he had actually filed for divorce.

A very ambitious first story, with so many loose ends its difficult to imagine how the author will bring this all to a satisfying plausible conclusion. I wish you luck.

No rating on this or previous chapters until it is finished. Good ingredients don't guarantee a good dish.

I see a good story here with work to be done. That work will indicate where you can go as a story teller. Harddaysknight and Blackrandl gave you some great ideas - follow up on some of them.

I debated not commenting but came down on the side of encouraging you to work on this. You did a fine job drawing the audience in and that indicates there is talent to be worked on. Ignore the usual rude foolishness and focus on your talent.

Good Luck.

I was hanging on waiting for her to get her just dews. But this is how u end it! No confrontation in the while Effin story. 2**

Sorry, but you blew it BIG time. You had a great one going, and literally dropped the ball. Why a 3 page story in 3 parts? A worthless ending ? I would turn this over to FTDS,and let him, well, finish the damn story.

...for lack of an ending.

We know he wants a divorce, but does he get it. The dad gets introduced as a badass. Why? What is Mike's involvement and why? Things are introduced and the reader is left hanging. That may be fine in the middle of the story, but not when the story is over. It needs a couple of more chapters to have a confrontation, following the divorce process, finding out what happens to Mike and Tina, and some aftermath of the finalization of the divorce. Then, it might be done.

There is a whole lot more that could be written with this story and I agree with Blackrandl1958 about a possible approach to complete this story.

I also understand that with the criticism by many on here that you might have just wanted to get to the end and get it over with.

If you decide to continue on a few questions that I have are;

How innocent or guilty is Vicky other then being convinced by Tina to get away early and have some innocent fun. Did Tina and Mike drug her to loosen her up and use her guilt to keep her going? Is Mike after Vicky and has he used Tina to convince Vicky to come along earlier (with him setting upon her husband) to compromise Vicky to break up her marriage? It looks like Mike could have sent the video to destroy the marriage and get Vicky for himself and now Tina is pissed finally figuring out what Mike has been up to? What does Vicky think about her weekend?

You could easily use two chapters to fill this all in and come to the same or other conclusion if you choose to write more.

A nicely tragic tragedy. However, IMHO, the heart of LW is how a marital relationship is affected by the adventurous actions of Sweetie! I agree with those commenters who contend that the drama in this story has just started and is not over, yet! It is, I grant, obvious that the relationship has changed disasterously for Hubby. But, it has not changed at all, yet, for Sweetie!

Part of my quibble is that We-The-Readers (WTRs) have not been adequately introduced to Sweetie, nor the marital relationship that existed early on. And only partially to the relationship's more recent drift. Unfortunately, for drama's sake, the recent atmosphere sggylvr has reported anticipates her weekend activities. That dilutes Hubby's reaction. Essentially, he might have done the same thing (neither seeing her at the rally nor on video) just because she was clearly complicit in engineering Hubby's departure delay, then his 'absence' from the rally! In other words, Hubby goes from dissatisfied to outraged. Happily-Married to outraged is much more forceful and surprising!

I find Ch3 better than Ch1-2! Hubby is much more involved and proactive. It makes him more real. Pity we will not see this 'improved' Hubby interact with the Sweetie WTRs know (mostly indirectly!)

Fuck off dumb fuck, this needs serios work and a ending.

... This feels far from finished. I'm going to reserve voting and further comment until we find out whether or not this is all there is.

Not bad for a first submission. Needs part 4 to finish the story.

You will get beter as a writer. Ending not detailed enough for all the info jn the story though. End it with same amount of detail, repurcussions, how long was she like this, remorse from her? Drug addict?

You've given us the bare bones, now put some meat on them. You're not bad, you just need to learn to give stories a little more depth. I could write another two chapters just finding out why she decided to trash the marriage, and what her thought processes were while she was doing it. Was she bored, unhappy, unsatisfied sexually? Was it drugs, peer pressure, latent exhibitionism, or did she just do it because she thought she could get away with it and he would never know? Is she remorseful? Or did she get the lifestyle she wanted all along? How does she react to the big red D? We'll never know, unless you decide to tell us.

Keep going, it gets easier

Q

First time writer, you have three of the heaviest hitters on the site, Qhml1, BR1958 and HDK who think you have talent. That throws shade on everything else. You should pay attention to them; that's the loving wives (and romance, and novels) Holy Trinity, there. You want to know how it's done, they know. Congratulations! You wrote your first story. Now write the rest of it, and more than one page at a time.

So the weekend is over.

That does not mean the story is over, there is still the aftermath to go.

There was a comment on the last chapter saying he had no proof of adultery on her part, looks like he's got that covered now.

Others have made some good points, but you should consider the need to have some drama, and conflict. Here the drama was mostly at arms length, and no conflict because their only real interaction was in short, innocuous phone calls. Had you included some of both, it would have made a better story. You had a dead zone with the dialog with his father, which added nothing to the story. Had you not made dad a stone head, dad could have taken the what the hell, so she let loose one weekend in her life, lighten up son, and the son the opposite tack, or something. It might preview the eventual confrontation with the wife, which is also off in the future.

Chilley

You said it wasn't the end then went on to give another no end. You got to learn from your mistakes or you'll never get better. You obviously didn't learn from this one.

You also need to put some real effort into your stories. How do people feel, how do they think? Give us some emotion. Think how you would feel if this happened to you. And lastly, DO NOT WRITE IN PRESENT TENSE!

...You owe us at least one more chapter to flesh this out. Seems you got us hooked, might as well finish the tale.

There's nothing finalized yet. Part 4 must be written to create finality.

Now get you ass back behind the keyboard and give it a proper fuckin' ending.

Nothing is concluded. He just comes to a decision. What happens next? This is really the ending for a chapter not a conclusion for a story.

He has part IV queued up and ready to go. Cripes, reading comprehension, bozos.

Get it sent in one, all these shit small chapters

she will still wonder WOW and how the fuck did this happen, TK U MLJ LV NV

Well it's a good enough story that I read it all. Now you have to figure out how it ends. That's where the real work is, and it's what separates good from average. He files for divorce. What's divorce like in MO? Does she want to stay or move on? How does he handle it? What do his friends say? Etc etc etc.

so get after it!

I LOVE Vicky. Love to smoke grass and snort X, totally wild..especially when I am in my leather LOL I am always in my leather. Vicky sounds like fun, if her hubby was maybe he would be having fun too..

Please continueD39D

Ok, what happens next?

What happens next.

more more soon

I feel that you ran out of gas before you got to the third chapter and just plunked anything down without thinking.

The other two chapters set up in a certain way. Mike appears to be part of the setup to make sure our hero doesn't get to the rally. What is in it for Mike? Did Mike get a threesome with Vicky and Tina? Those would be interesting things to find out. Instead, Mike pretty much disappears.

Our hero ponders over whether he can forgive Vicky for being an exhibitionist but what if it was more? Rather than stay and maybe investigate further, our hero just heads back leaving the question unanswered. Then he is given a gift. Out of the blue. A video to make his decision easier. This is lazy writing and an indication that you got bored of the story before you finished it. Think of it this way, our hero does absolutely nothing of importance. His trip to the rally and his spying on his wife's pole dance doesn't matter. He was going to get the video if he stayed at home and eat bon-bons.

should be hell for Mike, Tina and slut. Gave it a 4. A miserable ex-wife would take it up to a five.

A message to the author: please honor the bikers! Man up and do something to be proud of it. Do not act as a chicken cuckold!

I think the author screwed the end of this story. Maybe he got bored or just lost himself by short cutting the end of the story.

Besides he developed the hero guy as a coward, instead of make him a man with honor and pride. 1*

Too many unanswered questions still-

-How did Vicky start with the pot and why hide it? Has the offered drugs been an ongoing incentive for her behavior?

-So Vicky sees a big red "D"...does she burn him by telling all and walking away, claim blackmail of some kind or try to reconcile the marriage?

-Mike had to be the guy filming the part 3 movie...but why? Why send it?...to ruin the marriage for future fun?, got angry because he didn't get a three way? {supposed fight}.

-Is the rally the 1st time she cut loose or has she been bad for a while?

-Is there to be any retribution to Mike or Tina for their deeds?

-"Vicky has to take the blame for the fall now"....she can't do that the way it was left off at.....keep going please.

just missing epilog like 6 months later, how he walked away finacially,...

So it seems the author got tired and bored from his own sequel and decided to screw the end of his stories. What disappointment!

Waste of time and a true disrespect for the bikers!

The End of the Chapter which Anon. took to be the End of the Story. was Right on. The wife would recognize the Red "D" and know that her fun and games were over if not the DVD would make it Obvious.

another cocksucking WIMP posting dumb cuck SHIT.

3 stars - so far