All Comments on 'Rally Weekend Ch. 05'

I was with you to the end but its just to fake for even me, Keep it up though you have some pretty good ideas. Look forward to seeing more from you.

Her choice is too become a whore with no money in Montana? Was a good story till ending.

The big D is the only thing "OK" about this.

She is unapologetic, and he is still mystified.

So...

Nothing is solved, and

No growth nor healing can begin.

We all guessed you would let us down, author. So none of our expectations were high. Even so, YOU COULD HAVE DONE better than this!!!!

Pretty sad ending. Why did he even drive her home. Let Tina do that.

Don't write more unless you see someone about your verbal diarrhea and get an editor. 1*

another cocksucking WIMP posting dumb cuck SHIT.

Yes you need an editor. Some good ideas.

Good luck.

So instead of putting her big girl pants on and asking for a divorce like an adult she becomes a cum dumpster for a gang. Sure, why not?

1*

Lame end

Any person that gets off to seeing people harmed needs help.Enough said

she is supposed to apologize and beg to be allowed back home. This ending actually fits better with her weekend activities, but those readers that need to see her suffer get nothing from this story. No begging. No forgiveness. This was different. Keep writing, but consider an editor.

Meh ending to a meh story

This does not belong in Loving Wives..... It should have its own category of words I will not say... the writer should be banned from Literotica...... this is the worst I have read.... the writer has to be mental.....

Great build up for a flop ending. You have the skill to really do well here . Just ramp up the BTB . After all the emotional build up . I would have buried the bitch in the back yard. I feel like you gave me a shitty Sopranos Ending.

Plot-wise the first episodes were good. This ending killed the power behind the story. Not much of an explanation by Vicky. Lloyd has a right to be extremely pissed off learning how he's been lied-to for years (side lake gangbang), and set up -- and he takes it in stride? How many men between the lake and the rally? She planned to leave for a while, carefully planned her betrayal to hurt him beyond repair, but didn't mean to hurt him? Makes no sense! He'd decided they were done, so why didn't he suggest that the cop NOT seal her tox report? Lloyd might have needed it as evidence in his planned divorce. Finally: why should their son already know?

Seems Lloyd ends with more questions than answers... he may have nothing to say to challenge her, but somehow he lost his hurt and anger - and that doesn't fit. With her injuries and no teeth, he could get away with punching her in the mouth.

"Not really sure how much I care at this point, but I was brought up right."

This line tells us the author has no grasp of reality. The rest of the story just confirms it. This is not the way things happen.

Give it up. You can't write. You don't understand human nature and can't tell a story. Beyond that you are just sick if you think anything about this is erotic.

you wouldn't see she got medical care? Hmmm.

Word to the young guys, if she was "pretty wild in high school", don't marry her. Use a condom if you must do her. Never confuse an "experienced" girl, with wife material.

There are too many woman who lead that sort of life, for a while. But its not by choice. Almost always are drugs and alcohol, plus mental dysfunction. So this is a story about a mentally retarded woman becoming a drug addict, sex slave, and destroying herself and her family. Kind of dramatic, but not erotic. And it really made no sense.

Thanks for the effort.

She wants this? Yeah, right.

They'll want her much longer after all they've done to her? Yeah, right.

And why just two teeth? Maybe they'll yank the rest later.

She's not even suitable for 'recruiting' new victims for the 'club' looking like she does.

And they aren't going to waste their drugs on her now she's already been wrecked.

Seems to me there's another chapter to this (of her discovering just how destroyed she is and being abandoned by her new 'friends) but I'm not sure at worth writing.

I guess this woman must want to die. Probably need a psychological evaluation.

the story was enticing until the end. totally unbelievable .

Very unfilling. If this is how you're going to write, please don't do multiple parts.

Keep writing. You have a good imagination. I like the idea that sometimes a deviant personality or life style is a choice to be examined. Your job is the examining. Good luck.

Very unfulfilling ending. Should hav had some revenge.

It was a let down from what you had written earlier. Looked like you weren't sure how to end it. Keep writing you do have good ideas.

looks like you just wanted to get it over with. The story started out pretty good but fizzled out the last chapter and you sure as hell didn't do anything to revive it with this one. What's a shame is you appear to have a lot of potential but your just lazy. Take your potential somewhere else and don't waste any more of our time.

rfm

The author keeps insisting in this kind of garbage story and again the author did a very poor job on this bad story.

The author needs to understand that his stories are bad, ugly, nonsense shallow low context poor written and lacks of creativity.

Been better off ending it in chapter one

What is this crap ? Are you like fourteen dude trying to write when moms cooking or late at night. This went from good to total crap .

WOW...

I guess....

The ending is crap, how about you give permission to any other writers out there to write an alternative ending.

The problem with this story: How could she hide from him for fifteen years that she was a severely retarded woman? At least she behaved like one...2*

You had suggestions from major writers who were following the story, you ignored them all. It was an interesting beginning, but you ran out of gas halfway through. I may, or may not read you again. The set up is easy. Nearly anyone can do it. Finishing strong is only for the disciplined. You don't seem to be that guy. I hope you prove me wrong.

I know nothing about what ever the hell she's into, but removing teeth, disfiguring her tits , and why create a rectovaginal fistula? without an explanation, it sounds bizarre, like totally wierd. People generally don't like what they don't understand.

Chilley

You seriously need an editor especially if you are planning on continuing writing. Each chapter became harder & harder to put up with the bad spelling & general poor sentence construction. I realise it's difficult writing for public scrutiny but that's even more reason to use an editor. Most of us read for enjoyment & with the dearth of reasonable stories appearing lately new authors have a great opportunity to step up & give this LW site a good shake up, hopefully some of the cuck lover writers will fall out of the trees & leave here. They should have a separate section for their stories. Keep on trucking mate, hopefully any future tales will show an improvement. 2 **

To be honest I was taken back by ending but it was excelent twist. Ok timelines, work out personalities in story can be improved.

If you decide write more keep these unexpected twist as it makes story grea, maybe check for editor to help you make it more on timelines and peronalities details.

Looking4it : you're right, he should have left her in the hospital to have her call Tina who seems to orchestrate everything anyway,

Whogivesashit : dito, a number of unanswered questions may find answers in a another chapter,

Anon : absolutely, why not have FTDS or someone else write the final ending if sgglvr has no plans for it.

Overall, agree it could have been better. I for sure expected more.

First off, I come here for sexy stories that get me off. I am not going to be like the first feedback person and act as if "Oh, I would have left her in the hospital." Sounds like someone who can't get pussy. I come her to get off and find myself in these stories and flat out I love, adore bad ass women who party and let loose, especially with bikers. I want to start writing again but the last one...well, it is a story in itself. Anyway, I go easy on reviews when it comes to some grammatical issues because I am looking to get off and let me mind wander but when it is this bad? I continued because I so see myself in Vicky. However the issues with writing here are bad and to not follow suggestions from long time writers is ignorant. I think this is a husband with a real story, names and what not changed and he writes when he misses her. Honestly, I think Vicky is sexy as hell and good ole hubby should turn the pistol on himself and let Vicky rock on. I cheered for Vicky but ...fuck it I have an idea and a plea to another writer. Pick this story up of V and Tina's new life and make this shit fun. I believe in fidelity but I would have cheated on this loser husband. "Oh no, she has to smoke a joint to fuck me." Could you blame the girl?? Hell Vicky should have been firing up a bong while she rode him...did should just shoot himself watching the boxset of "Little House." Now my plea to a fun writer....please take these two an their new life and make it a sexy series, or a story. A strong minded MILF, who wants to take charge...join a biker gang and get high and do porn work?? OMG that is a great story line. Think about it, a sexy MILF-great looking middle aged white woman, wanting to join a biker gang, get high as fuck and do porn work? OMG that woman would be my hero. So hopefully some great or fun writer takes Vicky on a tour of sin.

I mean let's look ...she has been married to boring Christian missionary man. Let's make Vicky to the true babe that he is against, what he made. A chain smoking leather biker babe, dedicated pot head, lover of anything she can put up her nose, possible concert groupie with her devils' advocate Tina side be side, rail by rail, shotgun by shotgun. Now there are two of them, OMG the fun times could be endless and I hope some writer see's the sexiness in that theme. THAT is what I want to read. I do not pretend to come on here looking for a romantic lovey, dove story. This is a sex, sexy story website and the last thing I want to do is read fucking "From Here to Eternity" and UGHH , "I love you pumpkin, I love you teddy bear." Fuck that, I came her for Vicky and Tina doing rails in leather chaps and sharing a joint while they rid their men. hope some writer does right by these two biker babes...why? Because we are the best. OMG when I have my chaps on, thigh high boots, gloves..firing up a joint, doing some rails and then lighting up a long Vslim 120 while I dance to some Black Oak Arkansas, Motorhead or early Motley Crue....Sabbath. OMG that is what these people want to read about. Sorry when I come her I am looking to get off and over leather MILF babes or trans gurls Not this boring husband. Thank you to the author for the concept of Vicky and Tina, now I hope someone take up their plight and does them justice...total stoned, leathered justice. PLEASE....LOL

MSFS 120

and just mushed it all into an abrupt, convenient ending.

One of the dumbest, fucking stories I've ever read....do yourself a favor and stop attempting grown up things.

The story started out ok but, with each added chapter it went down hill and then the conclusion was rushed and very disjointed and unbelievable for many reasons. I hope that you will allow somebody to write a different conclusion to this story.

Sorry I couldn't give it less than a single star.

Like some other comments here I liked how you started the story. But somewhere between 3 and 5 it fell off the rails. It started off as the husband having righteous vengeance then it trickled to... Well resignation I guess.

1 star.

I have heard of the things mentioned that women have had done to themselves except the removal of her front teeth. What the hell is that all about? Does she think that is going to improve her looks for upcoming job/movies in Montana. Makes no sense to me.

I thought the story was fine until the last chapter. To many loose ends, and unexplained events during her absence. Could have ended much better. A rewrite of chapter 5 may be in order sggylvr, take your time, develop and wrap up the loose ends and the end of your story will be fine.

Was following the story but the ending was kind of week. It started out pretty good but tapered off.. Try again though, there's some good stuff there.

It is not punishment enough. Poor fucking hubs and son. My mom.died when I was a kid, loved her dearly, pined for her these last 4 years. But if she did this to our family she might be in the cross hairs for a beat down. Vile, sad, fortunately rare fall from "normality"

another cocksucking WIMP posting DUMB cuck SHIT.

with his comments that the normal begging of "I am so sorry babe, please forgive me" by wife to hubby expected by all reader did not appear in your tale. This was a shock to most posters and account for low score and comments.

To me that was "the TWIST" - some people are like that and you choose to have one of those people in your story (and is your story). I wish readers would score your fable for what it was -not for how THEY want it to end.

Thanks for posting

Wow, such a downer. More truth than fiction. Husband and I have been to the Sturgis rally many many times. When there we both work the rally. Good writing. Xoxoxoxo Annette

.....she will be dead within a year!

One star.

The end was plausible, if somewhat rushed (indicating the writer was getting boredom with writing it and just wanted it finished), but it does beg the question as to why she waited so long before concluding that she preferred that lifestyle and leaving her husband (was it 15 years since she'd been involved with the gang bang on the boat with Tina?). What bothered me more was the mutilation and her reaction to it - concluding that it was worth it for the sex. It also showed how short term, her thinking was - sooner or later (and more probably the former, given her age) she'd drop out of that lifestyle, but the physical scars from it would never go away and dog her for the rest of her life.

Agree with other commenters. Start and most of the story were good, but it all fell apart at the end.

That’s not remotely how the ACA works. You fell apart on so MANY levels.

You know these stories are written by people that kinda like to fuck with others minds. Why did they only change vicky's body and not tina's' why is that. Why is it that these stories always have a supposedly good woman that is influenced by the town whore. And its always her lifelong buddy, i call bullshit. Now lets look at the big bad biker guys. They are mostly riffraff shit personalities. They cant hold a job, steal and bully their way through life. Bikers, the wannabe bikers, are usually lazy, nasty, have fat beer guts, live in run down facilities, and man look at their women, fat sloppy nasty and shitty hair and will usuallysuck the dick of any biker around. Part of their lifestyle. Most women that have the drive to work hard enough to get an RN degree are not the type for these stories, but i guess there are some out there. If tina and mike werent out of town soon, they would both be dead. Back to bikers, they hang in groups because they are insecure pussies and know the areas they can get together like dogs and fuck with people.

This one seriously sucks

SCHEESH! LP

Not much erotic about the mentally ill........

You seem to have a mind which is so fucked up I doubt kids are safe with you!! Hopefully I’ll get arrested soon…or maybe u already are rotting in jail! Or better still dead in your own puke! A man with so much hatred for women…well u r a danger to the female population and need to be castrated earliest!!

For a story so wordy about so many other things, that ending was a poor hack.

What was the point of that rubbish

Too far from reality. Any women wants that kind of crap is phsyco, Probably suicidal,

A prety sad story. I always dislike the stories where the wife turns into a total slut even with a kid behind.