Ravens Fly at Night

Call me chicken, if you will, but I wasn't going to let everyone talk me out of my "noble act" of quitting.

I hit Hwy 288 South and headed south for the beach and spent the entire next month being a beach bum, traveling from one small coastal town to next. Being a redhead, of course I didn't tan, but my freckle collection did increase. I fell in love with the southern Texas coast, and drove as much of it as the poor coastal county roads would allow. I especially fell in love with a small forgotten coastal town called Lovett that had an extremely casual laid-back (and clothing optional) view of life. I made a note that when I got rich and famous with my next band I was going to retire here and live the proper lifestyle of a rock and roll degenerate. The problem was, I really didn't have any urge to find another band or get back to work right away, or even to play music for just myself. I took out my acoustic guitar for a few nights camped alone on the beach, but I was never really in the mood to play for very long, and soon the only sounds that was being made was by the wind and the surf.

I returned home not much poorer than when I left, I've always been good about saving my earnings and not spending like a drunken sailor on shore leave when a tour was over. Braving the fates, I went to collect my hate mail... and there was a lot of it. Pleading letters from every member of the band, including tearful ones from both Erin and Faith that hinted that 'special accommodations could be made" if I would return. I was much saddened, but still resolved.

A love triangle might settle the issue for the short term, but eventually Erin would have to make a "choice" between her two lovers that she probably by then would love nearly equally. Feelings would be hurt; someone would undoubtedly have to leave. I'd already left... so it just might as well be me and I resolved to "stay gone".

There were undoubtedly also untold angry phone messages, possibly hundreds of them. I couldn't bear the thought of actually having to listen to them all, so I just unplugged the answering machine and threw it into the trash without playing a single message. Another problem solved.

I started to look for a new apartment so I could move and make a clean break with everyone for a year or two, and I would have gotten away with it "if it hadn't been for those darned kids". Someone (probably one of my neighbors) ratted me out that I was back but moving out for good, and I soon faced Irv's mighty wrath just as I was walking out of my old empty apartment for the last time with my final box of stuff to take to the new place. I missed a clean getaway by less than five minutes.

He called me every name in the book, and I 'fessed up to some of them. I let him finish his speech, which he had obviously spent some time rehearsing and I didn't want to spoil his moment. When he finished I said simply "My mind hasn't changed. I've quit and I'm not coming back." He blinked at me a few times and muttered, "Well, I wanted to hear the words from your own mouth. Still friends?"

"Forever", I assured him and I promised that I would get back in touch after a few months or so. He didn't ask for my new address or phone number, I think he could tell that I wouldn't even give it to him, or worse... would lie to him.

I did try to get back into my pre-Ravens routine of teaching bass classes again and looking for a good band that would be fun to play an occasional weekend gig with. My reputation had never been higher. Bass Player Magazine did a brief story on me as "a new rising star", and I started to receive offers from long established local working and touring bands, but I couldn't seem to find a good fit. I did eventually accept one offer from a nationally established and well known band with a big record catalog to fill in on short notice for a twenty city US tour followed by a ten city European tour after the sudden illness of their bass player.

It was a fun series of concerts, playing to stadiums and big auditoriums with tens of thousands of screaming fans (and first class groupies waiting to party back backstage or at the hotel suite after the show -- usually both). But although my playing was top notch and I had fully earned the respect of my illustrious peers, I was after all, just hired help, and I never quite fit in with them. Most of the group had various assorted chemical dependencies and I've never been comfortable in that sort of environment. I did enjoy seeing Europe for the first time in my life and that alone was worth my time, and the primary reason that I agreed to do the tour. At the end there was a vague offer to stay with their organization for awhile and maybe help add redubs onto their next studio album, but I gracefully declined and they didn't press the offer.

Home once again, I found that DROoL had finished their 2nd CD, their first to receive national and worldwide distribution under the new fat contract from the major label. I bought a copy and played it; it was good but I didn't think it was great. I'd heard all of the songs performed much better before. It was also little over-produced, like Byron was desperately trying to do too many things at once and had gone crazy with the over-dubs. But the main flaw to my ears seemed to be that the music just sounded flat, that no one had played particularly up to par.

It sounded nothing like our previous live shows, even the singing sounded flat and listless, as if something was missing and they were just going through the motions. The less I say of their replacement bass player, the better. His playing made me nostalgic for the MR's first original bass player, the one who just banged the root note repeatedly for every song.

They were on a short spring tour to promote the new album at a select number of dates, mostly big cities with at least a couple of days between shows. The tour seemed to be going ok, and the album was getting good airplay on the independent college radio circuit and seemed to be selling well, even cracking the Billboard Top 50 for a brief while. I did read one concert review in Rolling Stone about their Indianapolis show that suggested all was not total happiness and joy, and hinted that there was "unrest backstage" and "what the heck happened to their original 'genius' of a bass player anyway?" Sorry, I made that last one up, but there was a comment about the "rhythm section being out of synch".

I saw further hints of trouble in paradise when Spin ran an interview with DROoL's songbirds, Erin and Faith, who gave their usual routine interview answers to most of the questions, but mentioned that they were "playing without their musical anchor". The interview also hinted that the girls didn't seem to be having as much fun on stage and the overall tone of the tour was alike to "the sadness and silence of a half-filled in grave".

The apparent fact that the group after my departure was a much saddened one, significantly depressed me. I began to feel I had acted selfishly and immaturely, and had unknowingly caused my friends a good deal of hurt. I left a phone message with Bryon's answering service (they didn't quite have a permanent office and staff set up yet) saying I'd like to "swing by and say "Hi" the next time everyone was back in town and very bravely left my new unlisted home phone number.

I received one very strange phone call a short time later; it was from Erin's father, inviting me to a restaurant for dinner with him and Erin's mother. I had no idea what this was all about and knew little more 2-1/2 hours later after we all left. I had dressed in my best (and only) suit and employed the best table manners I knew how. I hadn't quite been brought up in a barn but I was fairly rough around some of the edges. All I could gather is that Erin spoke of me often, and had asked if they would "check up on me" for her, as she was "very worried and hadn't heard from me in some time." I was glad to see that her family relations seemed to be much improved, and she called them nowadays at least once a week. I definitely got the impression that her mother knew MUCH more than she was willing to impart to lowly me. Still, I enjoyed my evening with her parents, and might possibly have removed from them the fear that I was a deviant sex fiend and tattooed rock and roll maniac. I think we parted friends, but they kept their cards awfully close and hidden from me.

DROoL returned in early summer from their tour and everyone split their separate ways for at least the next month. Darryl headed immediately to Denver to spend some time with his girl, where he did finally pop the question. I got to catch up on things with Irv and Simon who cautiously admitted that the last half of the tour had been a "rat-fuck", and everyone had unanimously fired my replacement with still two shows left to go, and played remaining shows with Irv's girlfriend.

Apparently the entire mood of the tour had been bad to start with, and everyone soon got on each other's nerves. For awhile, nearly everyone had become angry at me, because I had been seen as the "the anchor" of the band and now that I had deserted them, they seemed hopelessly adrift. The band more than once had nearly split, and still seemed deeply fragmented.

I was asked if I would "at least consider" doing the bass lines for their next studio album that they would be starting in early August before their next tour? I wouldn't have to see either of the girls if didn't want to, and I could come in to work on doing my tracks later or earlier than everyone else and avoid anyone I wanted. There was more than a strong hint of "please" involved and I honestly could no longer come up with any valid reasons to decline.

I said "Yes", but I would prefer to work a bit on my own, at least at first, and more importantly I'd like to get a rough demo tape of the new songs now with their lyrics so that I could take some time to provide a proper accompaniment. Also, if no one objected, I had a small original instrumental song of my own, probably a 'B' side, but I thought it would fit the band if they needed 'filler'.

They gleefully agreed, and I soon had the proposed track list. It included four new songs from Darryl that were quite up to his usual high standards. There were three songs from Erin, all older poems from her notebooks that I had liked very much and had bookmarked for her to use, but nothing 'new'. They were all absolutely beautiful and I already had ideas about how I wanted to perform them. Faith had also contributed a lovely little bittersweet song that spoke of the "sadness of joy" and "thorns of the rose". Irv and Simon had even collaborated on an interestingly little number of their own. Not bad at all. All of them seemed to be much better than my tiny contribution. The tenth and last song was an old cover song that we had turned completely inside out and that we often had performed on stage. For good measure, another half dozen other songs were added to the mix as backups, but weren't expected to make the final cut this time around.

Using the rough demo tapes as a beginning, I began to craft my first rough bass line recordings. The record process continued in a very haphazard fashion the whole month, sometimes one or two folks drifting in and working for awhile but leaving right when they thought someone else might be coming in soon.

Occasionally Irv, Simon and I would all be there together and we'd get in some serious jamming and we developed more than a few good melody arrangements that way. It was almost like old times again. They tinkered with my arrangement for my instrumental song contribution a bit, but they thought it had some real potential and would probably make the final cut. There was also a cryptic comment that some of the other band members had been giving my tape a listen and might have an idea or two to contribute to it later.

At the start of August my work was mostly done, the band started to gather together in full force to review the raw demos in detail and started to work on the lead instrumental solos and the vocals. I wasn't quite up to seeing Erin or Faith and I tried to avoid them. Since my work was mostly done for now, I didn't have much difficulty. Arriving late one night, I did find that Faith was still there, hours after I had expected her to have left, listening to various takes and consulting with Bryon and Irv, who tended to be the main producers for this album. Both having the best "ears" for listening to endless retakes and knowing which one was the exact right one to use.

She greeted me with a squeal of delight and ran up to me and just about squeezed me half to death, before rewarding me with a kiss right on the lips. Wow. She scolded me at great length and with words I could not even begin to repeat, about my "overlong absence" and not calling some "misguided folks who loved me very much and were saddened by my disappearance and negligent silence". She then quite forgot that she was still quite angry with me and took my hand so that she could show me the latest new vocal arrangements she and Erin had devised. I, in turn played her the instrumental song I had written and that Irv, Simon and now Darryl had added their own accompaniment to. She soon left for the night, but not before kissing me goodbye, again right smack on the lips and growled that she expected to see much more of me in the near future.

It was now an open secret that Erin and I were actively trying desperately to avoid each other, and it became conventional wisdom among the production crew that it was because if either one of us ever caught sight of the other, we would probably immediately fall into each others arms and start doing it "right there in the middle of the street and frighten the horses and the children".

It was eventually decided that of Erin's three songs, she would be doing the lead vocal on two of the slower and much sadder ones of the three, with Faith providing backup, and then vice versa singing lead for the other one, with the two of them splitting the four songs Darryl had written. I finished my final bass tracks for all of Faith's vocal lead songs fairly easily and without any problems. They all came out lovely and received only minor later tweaking before being called "done".

Erin's vocals were a different matter and I asked if I could wait and do my last tracks after she had finished her final vocal take. No one was quite happy about this, but the complaints were relatively minimal and folks agreed.

A few evenings later, I received the shock of my life. I was with Bryon, Irv, Simon, Darryl and Faith listening to the bass takes I had just finished dubbing for the four songs Erin was singing lead on, when they slyly pulled out a brand new tape for me to listen. This recording containing Erin's favorite take of a brand new song she had been working on this week. When they played it I was flabbergasted. Erin had written some lyrics to match the instrumental piece that I had crafted earlier! This was apparently the 'later contribution' that Irv and Simon had been hinting about earlier. It completely changed the mood of the song... but it was glorious.

The sadness of her vocals drove me to tears nearly immediately and soon everyone else began to pretend that they weren't crying either. It was a song of irreparable loss and sadness, of a love unrequited and now forever lost, as if the singer would never feel happiness ever again. It was very much in the style of Edith Piaf. Each word felt like the point of a dagger and my tears now felt like acid rolling down my cheeks. After it was over, and it was a long slow song, I went outside without saying a word to get some fresh air for a few moments to clear the tears. The song was almost perfect, but I'd have to re-do my original bass parts to fit the new lyrics and tone for the song, and I wanted to record it now while my heart knew exactly what I wanted my fingers to say.

I started slowly but gradually began to wrap my bass melody line around the tone, gently caressing each one of her words, my playing become not quite faster, but more emotional, as my bass guitar added my own wails of insurmountable sadness to her haunting voice. Even as her voice finally murmured into nothingness, my own grief was not quite yet quite completed and bemoaned the final sounds of my heartbreak with an explosive barrage of 1/32nd time notes growling at the bottom of my bass line as if my tower fortress home with everything in it I loved was crashing into ruin into a raging and merciless sea.

For a long time no one said a word, and the recording just continued to collect our collective silence until Byron finally stopped the tape, uttering nothing but "wow". Faith was openly bawling her eyes out and both Irv's and Simon's girlfriends had now appeared from somewhere farther back in the old warehouse and joined Faith in hugging me nearly to death; everyone crying their eyes out. I had the sudden feeling that those young ladies might not be the only ones that had been hiding out of my sight, but within hearing, and I quickly packed up and left. I simply could not face seeing Erin now. Obviously there was no need for a second take.

I stayed well out of the way for the remainder of the month, but called Irv and Simon at least weekly to see how the final mixing was going. "Very well" they thought, and hinted I might enjoy a surprise or two in the final advance distribution CD, of which a copy would be in my mailbox before the record company received their master tapes in a week or so. They were right, there had been a little last minute remixing, and my bass track seemed to be a bit more prominently featured than I would have expected.

The real surprise was that "our song" was now the final closing track of the album. My bass had become the featured instrument for that song, with everyone else's parts now just becoming background accompaniment. Hearing it complete at last, I knew at once that it was a masterpiece. Fittingly, she had renamed the song to "The Tower of the Doomed Lovers". I played the entire demo of the album non-stop for days, seemingly without end. It was going to be a monster of a record, going Gold at the very least, and already the band was assembling its crew and preparing to go out once again onto the road, playing bigger venues now and with a sure to be hit record under their belt.

I quietly left town again and revisited Lovett and made some new friends there for a week or two until I was certain that they had already left to start their fall road tour. I couldn't take any chance that Irv, Simon, Darryl or especially Faith would ask me to join them. There was far too much chance that I would now say "Yes". I was doomed and knew it.

It came as no surprise to get a phone call from Byron a few weeks after my return to town with the predicable message. The tour was a smash hit with sellout crowds everywhere. Irv's girlfriend was an improvement over their previous bass player (that wasn't hard) but she was certainly not me, and couldn't duplicate my playing on "Tower" at all. They had brought in yet another veteran temporary bass player to handle the trickier bits but even he couldn't get the nuances right.

DROoL was scheduled to be a featured headlining act at a big music festival in Philadelphia in late September. All of the corporate big wigs would be there and there was a fat contract offer for a European tour in the works. Everyone wanted to hear "Tower" live, and of course without me it couldn't be done. Our simple little song that I thought would be just filler was now a major anthem on FM radio and MTV was screaming for a music video. Would I consent to do "just that one show", and make everyone (including a live MTV audience of millions) happy?

My reply was only "What's the date, and will someone make all of the travel reservations for me?"