All Comments on 'Realized Desire'

A problem with pronoun agreement.

Totally loved this story hope to read more in the not so distant future 😆

I got off and never even worked it😁HoneyGirl is your slave forever❗

Nothing truly original about your story but the writing was good. I would have liked more dialogue. These two had much to say to each other and you should have let them speak. Really hot and intelligent sex talk between lovers is what differentiates the best stories from the rest. Keep going.

Really enjoyed this first story of yours. Keep on writing. Gave it 5*+

While the story is decently written, there is not much that really sets it apart from the rest of the thousands of stories on Lit. A basic, somewhat clichéd storyline, with little in the way of character development. The sex was fairly basic, as well.

Stylistically, writing in present tense is a bold choice. Most stories are written in past tense. There's nothing wrong with present tense, but it can take the reader a little while to get used to it.

The other thing is to watch out for instances where you slip into past tense.

There were a few instances where "was" or "were" popped up instead of "is" and "are". Not a lot, but something to keep an eye out for, if you continue writing in present tense.

I'm unsure the appropriate way to handle the sequence explaining Maggie turning on the hot tub, but the past tense seemed a bit clunky to me within the present tense of the rest of the story.

I thought this story was sweet, and hopefully maybe you'll continue it!