Reboot Pt. 01

"Well, hello," she said. "What kind of tea would you like?"

Sumita hadn't even thought she'd have a choice.

"Oh, ah, Assam, maybe," she replied. "If you have it."

Jenna grabbed a tin, poured some loose tea into a wire mesh basket, and slid it into a teapot for Sumita.

"Here you go," she said, and Sumita thought her smile might have been just a little bigger and warmer than the one she gave everybody else. Or not.

Kate and a woman named Lisa joined Sumita and Dianne at the table. Kate started the conversation with an embarrassing story about Meaghan, a gallery owner, and a glass of red wine. The other three laughed, even knowing Kate was exaggerating. It was enough to break the ice, and the conversation bubbled along naturally after that. Kate flirted shamelessly the whole time, though none of the other three had any interest. Sumita and Dianne didn't mind, even played along a bit, but Lisa got a little uncomfortable. She was six months pregnant and married to a nice, conventional man, with a house in the wealthy, leafy neighborhood of Madrona, not far from where Sumita's parents used to live. She was completely fine around Sarah and Meaghan, and she felt very progressive about herself, but having a woman hitting on her was a bit much. She showed off the rock on her ring finger a few times, not very subtly. Kate took the hint and toned it down, but she didn't stop entirely.

Sumita was having a grand time. Everything was lovely - the food, the tea, the condo, the music, the view, the conversation. Jenna was at the dining room table, just a few feet away, but that was okay. Jenna could only make her crazy if she let it happen, Sumita told herself, and she wasn't going to. She just needed a little self-control.

When everyone was down to picking at crumbs, somebody stood, and then everyone else followed, carrying plates and teapots and cups into the kitchen. Within five minutes, all the dishes were safely stacked for washing up later, and the living room reconfigured itself again. The sofas and comfy chairs all turned to face the wall opposite the kitchen, and some of the dining chairs were pressed into use. The music stopped. Meaghan set herself teetering on a barstool against the wall, facing everyone else, with the big TV mounted behind her.

Meaghan had decreed two things about her baby shower before she agreed to let Jenna throw her one at all: no presents and no silly games. Instead of gifts, the invitation suggested a donation to a children's charity. Sumita happily gave to Child's Play, a Seattle group that provides books, toys, and video games to hospitals for sick children, remembering when Sangita got so ill as a small child.

The rules presented a problem, though: what to do, besides eating and drinking. Without the two biggest time-fillers, a baby shower could get very boring very quickly. Meaghan herself provided part of the answer. She had written and illustrated a children's book called Octavia the Octopus, and she had just gotten the proofs back from her publisher, so she read a bedtime story to the twenty-odd grown women at her baby shower, with the pages projected on the TV behind her. The illustrations were gorgeous, the story was fun, and Meaghan gave a first rate performance, acting out each sea creature with its own distinct voice. Everyone was entranced.

Everyone, that is, except Sumita. She was sitting at the end of one of the sofas, and just before Meaghan started reading, Jenna squeezed in beside her. Sumita tried to pay attention to Meaghan, but she couldn't focus. Most of her attention was on the woman sitting next to her, hip and shoulder pressed against her. Female softness over hard muscle and bone. So much for self-control.

Sumita managed to clap when everyone else did, and she was relieved when Jenna stood afterward. Jenna thanked everyone for coming, said a few things about Meaghan and Sarah, and then walked over to plug a thumb drive into something connected to the TV.

"The baby's going to have an interesting life," Jenna said, "and I think she (or he) needs to know about where she came from. This introduction to Project Sprout is a start. Thanks to Nana, Cheryl, and everyone else who sent me the pictures, the newspaper clippings, and all the other stuff."

Jenna fiddled with a remote and the TV displayed a picture of tiny, grumpy, black-haired baby Sarah, which prompted a collective "aww" from the guests. Jenna sat back down, right next to Sumita, and set the slide show to auto-play. Sumita did her best to pay attention to the photos, but it was hard going. There was Meaghan as a baby, Meaghan on a horse. And then Jenna would shift in her seat and lean into her, and Sumita would lose focus. When she recovered her concentration, they were in high school: Sarah in a lab coat and goggles; Meaghan painting; Sarah in a prom dress next to a handsome boy in a tuxedo.

"Bobby Railes," Sarah said with a dreamy sigh. "He was really sweet."

Shots of graduation, college, and the beginnings of adult life followed. The first picture of Sarah and Meaghan together was at a dark wood table, with Jenna and Kate on either side.

"Look at you, Sweetie," Meaghan said, and then kissed Sarah on the cheek. Her voice was like a drizzle of warm honey. "Straight Sarah at a gay bar. At least, that's what we all thought..."

"Oh, God," Sarah replied, blushing. "I forgot all about that picture." She did not respond to Meaghan's teasing about Straight Sarah, at least not out loud. It was something just between the two of them.

More photos of Sarah and Meaghan together followed, in hiking shorts, in holiday finery, and finally in wedding dresses. Nana gave her granddaughter's hand a little squeeze after the wedding picture. The last two photos were of a Japanese man, at first looking very stern and then smiling.

"Sarah's cousin Nobuhide," Nana explained. "He's the biological father. The baby is going to be hafu, like Sarah."

After the slide show, the party broke up. Starting with Lisa, a steady stream of women stopped to say goodbye to Meaghan, still in her place on the big couch, and then thanked Jenna and Rose for putting everything together and inviting them. After about twenty minutes, most of the guests had left. Sumita didn't have anything to do that afternoon - Sangita was out with Dina and other friends until after dinner - so she offered to help clean up.

"Thanks," Jenna said. "I'll wash, you dry."

They worked side by side in quiet efficiency until the stack of dishes to the left of the sink was gone and the drying racks on the right side were full. Rose and Cheryl packed up the leftover food and cleaned up the rest of the kitchen. Someone, probably Nana, prevailed upon Sarah to play her cello, so they all got to listen to Bach while they worked.

"You certainly know how to throw a party," Sumita said to Jenna as they finished up. "The food was delicious, and everything was so beautiful."

"Thanks," Jenna replied, blushing slightly at Sumita's compliment. "It was mostly Rose. She's a professional caterer. I just help out sometimes."

"Oh, stop it," Rose interrupted. "You're a fabulous cook, and you were just so excited when Meaghan gave you an excuse to throw a party."

Jenna's blush deepened. "Well, I'm just happy for Meaghan and Sarah," she said. "At least one couple I know gets to live happily ever after."

"You think a baby is happily ever after?" Sumita asked in a gentle, mocking voice.

"Yeah, well, you know what I mean. Those two are basically my role models," Jenna said, low enough that nobody outside the kitchen could hear.

Rose reached up to tousle her sister's hair, and then put her arm around Jenna's waist. "Come on," she said, pulling Jenna away from the sink. "We'll finish packing up later, after everything airs out."

The four of them walked back out to the living room, where Kate, Nana, and Meaghan were all listening intently to Sarah, who had switched from Bach to something modern and peppy. Everyone applauded when she finished. Sarah walked over to the couch, giving Meaghan a gentle shoulder rub and a kiss on the head.

"I should probably get home," Sumita said. It felt like her cue. "Thanks again for inviting me."

"Thanks for coming," Meaghan said. "See you tomorrow," she and Sarah added together.

Sumita fetched her purse and left. Jenna followed her to the elevator, carrying a heavy bag in each hand. When they got to the lobby, Sumita opened the door for Jenna, walked with her to her van, and opened the back after Jenna unlocked it with her remote.

"Thanks," Jenna said after she loaded the bags into the van. "Those were heavy. Can I, ah, walk you to your car?"

"It's a ways," Sumita replied. "Parking downtown sucks."

"That's okay," Jenna replied with an easy smile. "I could use some fresh air."

They walked the four blocks together to Sumita's car. There was a crackling energy in the air between them, like a storm was coming, even though the sky was clear and blue. Sumita unlocked her car and put her hand on the driver's door handle, but she lingered before getting in.

"You really did a nice job today," she said to Jenna. "Meaghan was absolutely thrilled with everything you guys made, and everybody had a great time."

Jenna blushed again. "Thanks," she said. "It's just really good to do something nice for somebody you care about, you know? I don't get to do that very much."

The quiet loneliness in Jenna's voice broke through all of Sumita's defenses. She didn't know who Jenna had lost, or why, but she knew exactly how Jenna felt. When Rajeev was alive, she had somebody to take care of and share the wonderful things in her life with, and she missed that tremendously now that he was gone.

Sumita took Jenna's hand and held it. Jenna's palm and fingertips were lightly calloused from painting and cooking and whatever she did in her day job, and her skin was a little rough. Her fingers were long and her bones delicate. Hard-working, strong hands, but not man hands. Sumita gave Jenna a little squeeze.

"Have dinner with me," she said. A simple, unplanned request. After weeks of fussing, and against her better judgement, she finally said it.

Jenna's eyes went wide. "Um, okay," she said, not very clearly, and then took a breath and started over. "Yes. Yes, I will have dinner with you. When?"

Sumita beamed at Jenna. She was amazed at how happy she felt. "Thursday, maybe," she said. "Can I email you? Sarah sent me your address."

"That'll work," Jenna replied, returning Sumita's smile. "I'm looking forward to it."

They stood another minute, not quite knowing what to do next, and then Sumita opened her car door and got in.

"See you soon," she said.

"Okay," Jenna replied. "See you soon."

Sumita drove off, got mildly lost looking for a downtown freeway entrance, and then finally found a ramp for I-90. She was still smiling to herself when she drove across the floating bridge on the way home. She had no good reason to ask Jenna out and lots of good reasons not to, but none of them mattered. All that was important was that Jenna said yes.

~~~

Coffee the next afternoon at work lasted a little longer than usual. It was warm and clear, and everybody wanted to sit outside and goof off for an extra fifteen minutes. Some of them couldn't really afford the time, but their work would still be there when they got back to their desks. The weather in Redmond doesn't get that nice very often.

Carl hung back from the rest of the guys and walked upstairs with Sarah and Sumita. "Thanks for the leftovers from yesterday," he said. "Kara brought home a box of tea sandwiches and sweets, and Rachel thought they were the coolest thing ever. Pretty much a nine-year-old's dream snack."

"You're welcome," Sarah replied, smiling at the mental picture forming in her head. Sarah and Meaghan were occasional babysitters for Rachel, and they both loved her to death.

"Congratulations again," he said, and then sped ahead to catch up with the guys.

"Thanks," Sarah replied.

Back in their hallway, Sumita followed Sarah into her office and closed the door.

"Do you, um, have a minute?" Sumita asked.

"Sure," Sarah replied.

"I kind of, um ..." Sumita babbled, and then took a breath. "I asked Jenna out."

"Is that what happened?" Sarah asked. "I knew there was something up when she came back upstairs with that glazed look in her eyes."

"That was me, I guess," Sumita said, holding back a giggle. "We're going for dinner on Thursday, I think. I need to email her."

"You do know she's gay, right?" Sarah asked.

Sumita looked at Sarah as if she'd just said the dumbest thing in the world. Which, in fairness, she pretty much had.

"Just making sure," Sarah said. "It's hard enough for people like us without misunderstandings and hurt feelings."

"It's just dinner," Sumita said, but they both knew that wasn't true.

Sarah sat up straight in her chair, paused for a moment, and took a deep breath. She opened her mouth to speak three different times and then closed it again each time. Her words, when they came out, were carefully considered and perfectly clear.

"Look, Sumi," she said. "Jenna is very important to Meaghan, to both of us. She was Meaghan's first friend in Seattle, and she did more than anyone to encourage Meaghan as an artist. She's also had a pretty tough life, between her parents and a couple of past relationships that ended badly. She's the kind of person who doesn't open up easily, so it's a big deal when she does. I just don't want to see her get hurt."

"I understand," Sumita said, and she meant it.

"If you're ... I don't know," Sarah said, making an effort to choose her words as delicately as possible, "... looking to test out new ground, you could maybe go out with somebody like Kate. She's sweet and fun, and you always know where you stand with her. No attachments, nothing serious."

"The same Kate who was flirting with everyone at the baby shower?" Sumita asked. "Including happily married Lisa?"

"Oh my god," Sarah replied, giggles bursting out. "That must have been why she left so early. I'll have to call her and apologize."

"She was fine," Sumita said. "A little uncomfortable, maybe, but Kate mostly behaved herself." She waited a moment for Sarah's giggles to subside.

"Seriously, though," Sumita said, "I wasn't looking for anything at all. I had just about convinced myself that I needed to focus on my work and my own life for now, without any complications, when I ran into Jenna again at the shower. I don't know what's going to happen, but I do know how she makes me feel when I'm around her. I have to follow that feeling, see where it leads."

"And if it leads somewhere serious?" Sarah asked. "Are you ready for that?"

"I don't know, really, but I think so," Sumita replied, and then paused for a long moment before continuing. "I'm not, how did you say it, 'testing out new ground.' I've known I'm attracted to women and only women for years now. I've just never had a chance to do anything about it."

"What about your marriage?" Sarah asked. "How did that work?"

"I loved my husband," Sumita said. "I really did, in every way a wife should. He was a wonderful man, and he was very good to me. But it was work, loving him, you know? It didn't come naturally."

"Oh, god," Sarah said. "That must have been awful."

"It was, for a while," Sumita said. "I felt like the worst person in the world for not loving Rajeev the way I was supposed to. But then I was pregnant with Sangita, and I wasn't going to break up our family. We were basically acquaintances who shared a house and a baby for a couple of years."

"I can't imagine," Sarah said.

"We worked it out eventually, after a few minor life crises," Sumita said. "I finally understood who I was, without any self-delusion or shame, and Rajeev loved me anyway. I think he figured it out long before I did, and he waited for me. He was the kindest, most patient soul I've ever known. How could I not love someone like that, no matter the body parts?"

Sarah didn't respond; she just reached out to take Sumita's hand. There was nothing she could say. Her own coming out story was a fairy tale by comparison. Sumita reached over to Sarah's desk to grab a Kleenex.

"Now that he's gone," Sumita said, wiping her nose, "I'd give anything to get that time back, especially the bad years. Finding somebody to love is hard, and you have to take hold of every chance you get before it's gone."

"I hope you and Jenna have a nice time," Sarah said. "I think you're going to be good for each other."

"I hope so," Sumita replied.

~~~

Sumita and Jenna arranged dinner over email at a Mediterranean restaurant in Ballard on Thursday night at eight. Sumita left work at seven, just in case. Getting from the east side into Seattle can be terrible in the evening, especially on Thursdays, and Ballard is at least ten extra minutes. Traffic turned out to be surprisingly light, so Sumita made the whole trip in half an hour, and she got parked and seated at a patio table very quickly. A thin metal fence and a sidewalk were all that separated Sumita's table from the traffic on Market Street, the main drag through the neighborhood, but she didn't mind at all. With so much gray and rain, Seattleites take any chance they can get to eat outside.

The pleasant drive was a relief, but it also left Sumita alone with her nerves for longer than she would have liked. She had deliberately left her smartphone in her car, so she sat and watched the traffic go by and fidgeted in her chair. A glass of wine helped, and so did the evening sun. She ordered a plate of dips and flatbread as an appetizer a little before eight.

Jenna arrived a minute later, waved to Sumita from the sidewalk, and walked through the restaurant to get to the table. She was wearing the exact same thing she had worn the other two times Sumita had seen her - blue jeans, a white button-down shirt, and cowboy boots. Sumita had chosen her own outfit, blue jeans and a loose floral print blouse, based on what she expected Jenna to wear, so she was happy she had guessed right.

Sumita stood up and smiled her biggest, brightest smile when Jenna emerged from the patio door. "I'm so happy to see you," Sumita said.

"You too," Jenna replied, without much energy, and she returned Sumita's smile with a weak smile of her own. Jenna's eyes, normally a pale, intense blue, had gone dull and grayish, and her face looked tight and strained. She stretched out her long frame in the metal chair across from Sumita, took a deep breath, and tried her smile again. Better this time, but still not a whole lot of enthusiasm.

"Waiting long?" she asked.

"A while," Sumita replied. "My fault. Anyway, you're here now, so..."

The waiter, a bearded guy with full arm tattoos, showed up right then with the appetizer. Jenna ordered a locally brewed IPA to drink, and the waiter promised to come back in a few minutes. Jenna peered at the menu for about five seconds and then set it down. She'd been there before, and she knew what she wanted.

Sumita and Jenna sipped at their drinks, munched at the plate in the middle of the table, and chatted. The dips were quite tasty, but Sumita didn't pay much attention. She was trying to pay attention to Jenna, and that was proving difficult. Their conversation was an awkward series of pauses and interruptions and apologies. Jenna was obviously making an effort, but that was the problem. It was an effort. Sumita had been on her share of bad dates (with men) before she married her husband, and this was worse than any of them.

"Jenna, are you okay?" Sumita finally asked, with genuine concern in her voice. "Is something wrong?"

A storm of conflicting emotions flashed across Jenna's face, and then she sat up in her chair and pulled her car keys out of her pocket. "I'm sorry, Sumita," she said. "Coming tonight was a mistake. I should go."