All Comments on 'Renos'

Looking forward to seeing how you develop the story.

The ending was too rushed. Good initial development however.

for your first.... heck some on here are on their *** one and have not come close to this one thanks 4

foreign to you. You really need an editor. How many people have you heard say "That was euphoric"?

Punctuation, punctuation, punctuation!

This story reads like you were channeling the sex life of rabbits, or maybe the fantasies of 13 year old boys? Why is she so casually and eagerly fucking around on her husband, and with supposedly a close friend? Let me guess, you don't know either. Hey, if you ever figure it out, make that part of the story.

written very simply, terrible plot, 2*

You moralist morans that hate everyting here should move over to the fetish section where you are really needed.This is a good story God get a life

"I drifted off to sleep wondering what was to come next...": A divorce! And the end of a friendship! Will he marry the divorced cheater and be the next husband to be cheated by her? When friendship and marriage are treated so low, we know that only low people can do that! 1*

I’m bored, so I’m going to offer some hopefully constructive criticism. Do with it what you will.

For a start, please strike up an acquaintance with the comma, it is your friend! It indicates a pause. If you read a sentence out loud and feel like pausing at any point, BINGO! You need a comma there!

“While I was working on their house Erin and I would flirt harmlessly when out of earshot of Tim.” – If you need to do it out of earshot, it is NOT harmless. I do some harmless flirting. How do I know it’s harmless? Because my wife is right there!

“Two years later and myself recently single” – I assume this means that you were married earlier? So where was your wife while you were hanging out with Erin and Tim? You never mentioned her. And you don't need "myself".

“I met Erin for lunch since we worked nearby each other we would get together for lunch on occasion.” – You don’t really need the explanation, but if you want it these are two separate thoughts, so you need a semi-colon: “I met Erin for lunch; since we worked…”

“cleaving”? – I think you mean “cleavage”.

“he cute belly button.” – “her”

“my but." – Either “bum” or “butt”

“we haven't been alone long enough to have sex in like 2 months!" – That makes no sense! Even if his family stays over, surely they’re alone in their bedroom! And surely they don't spend more than a weekend or so!

Maybe it’s the dialect in your area, but all the “ya’s” are off-putting. If you think “yes” is too formal you might want to consider “yeah”.

“was laying” – Not to be a grammar Nazi, but it’s “was lying”.

Sorry, I’m not that bored, I can’t wade through any more of this.

PLEASE get an editor!

Spell check won't correct the following:

"I almost always staired too long"

Your story is only 2 pages long so it shouldn't have taken much effort on your part to notice this and correct it. I didn't read any further but other commenters found many other mistakes so please get an editor.

Love the wife off the chain story.

He kept referring to Tim as his friend, I hope I never have a friend like that, as for the wife if she has a problem with their sex life communication is better than a knife in the back.

No problems from my end ~~ so it had a few bumps or so but -- ask yourself was the story real <<<<<to those that posted comments..? Get real & get a real grip & grow up & know what make believe is from fiction on reading stories on this site.!** Gesh.^ Grow up.*

It is so damn sad so many people that read these stories do so knowing what they are going to be about and then sit down and write how bad it is to write these stories like you had a gun to their head to read them. That is like going to a strip club and then complaining the girls are naked. I just want to say if that is your opinion don't read the story. By the way I signed in as anonymous so you don't know me I may be the one screwing your wife. PS BTW I loved the story and look for much more.

From a storyteller view this is well done so it gets high marks. It is about a man that is nobody's friend and a cheating slut. Them I despise.

Unfortunately shit like this happens. I had two friends one married to a beauty , she was nice and fun , could hang with the guys. I then found out from another friend that the single guy was fucking his friends wife. There were pics going around and a video. He was fucking her for almost a year. In the video he treated her like she was shit. He was slapping her face with his dick, made her rim his ass, fucked her ass very roughly, made her swallow and came all over her face , spanked her pulled her hair while fucking her and verbally abusied her while doing it. Before they started he had her strip and crawl across the room to him while begging him to fuck her. Hubby hasn't found out yet but he's been showing everyone and bragging about it . He's also trying and is just gonna make it happen that a black friend pop in while he's fucking her and just join in . I wish someone would send the video to the hubby so he could dump her pig ass

Biggest quibble is that there is no realistic motive for Sweetie to be coming on to a. old friend like that. A long-term, but previously non-mentioned, attraction is NOT sufficient motive. And, Hubby is a more recent friend, compared to Sweetie, but he is called a friend by Our Sleazy Hero. A real friend would sit down and have a serious talk with Sweetie as soon as she indicates she is doing more than 'innocent flirting!'. Maybe, just maybe, there is a convincing rationale for them to 'get with it' but most of those would call for verification with Hubby before proceeding (if one really was A Friend to BOTH of them!)

However, this IS an OK start in the author-meat-grinder category of LW.

We can't know they're bad until we read them! And how is the writer going to improve without his/her errors being pointed out?

If you use an ID you're still anonymous, fool!

The only 'good thing' about this is the story, certainly not the 'writing'.

PLEASE get an editor or at least someone that can spot obvious errors.

Homophones in this story are most distracting (There/They're/Their). And punctuation.

All that said, I know of a few friends' wives I would love to do paint jobs with. Or some other job :)

Your idea is good, but your grammar and usage need to be cleaned up. Good idea, bad execution!

Also, the lady blew him to almost orgasm and then let him blow his load without a condom. Either Tim is O.K. with her fucking around or not paying attention when she gets home. Also, she is not pleasured! She needs to get off too. He should have tongued her to orgasm first. Women need sex too. What is she supposed to do? Let him get off and have to masturbate? You need her to get off from the guy's ministrations.

So, keep writing! But please get an editor!

This story brought up memories I've been trying to forget. My wife, Carol, had agreed to help Fred, a friend from work, paint his new house. She spent three weekends helping him. A few weeks later, she accidentally left her email open and there was a message to Fred telling him she had watched the DVD he'd given her and would get it back to him after she'd watched it a few more times because she certainly didn't want me to see it. Of course I immediately searched until I found where she hid it Carol is a very attractive slim blonde with a good figure with C size boobs. She is fairly conservative and never gave me the slightest reason to think she would cheat. The first scene on the DVD was of her and Fred in a room they were painting. Carol was naked except for her panties. She was down on her knees sucking his cock. The video was over an hour long and showed them sucking and fucking in many different rooms and positions. Turned out, they'd been fucking for more than a year. She had been sucking his cock almost everyday at work and fucking him whenever she got the chance, She said Fred was the only guy she'd had sex with since we'd been married except for 3 or 4 times when she had lunch with a former boyfriend and gave him a few blowjobs. I guess it's not a very good idea to let your wife help any guys paint.

We do not really know the husband so the story becomes a simple erotic coupling that may happen to any one. If someone wants to help someone paint I would have a sneaking suspicion of the motivation.....

You call this "well told", then mention "grammar/editing" in "Deadly Intent" which blows this away in the quality of writing!

Maybe it's just some semantics but, at the beginning:

"While I was working on their house Erin and I would flirt harmlessly when out of earshot of Tim."

- It's not harmless flirting if it is/has to be done out of earshot of someone's spouse.

And, how nice of this friend to get in the way of a marriage in such a fashion and lets her break her marriage vows. Well, everyone knows what they say about cheaters...

I hope the character would feel proud of himself if the marriage ends in disaster. And, if it would and she crawls to him; what guarantee does he have that she wouldn't cheat on him? She must be so proud of herself for deceiving her husband. Out of this whole story that's all I have the feeling of; is sympathy for her husband who wound up with such a deceitful, cheating slut.

sbeooks103x Perhaps you should stick with the public library. Anyone lame enough to write the crap you do and not be smart enough to understand where a story is going doesn't need to comment. We do not care if you like the action in the story only if it is well written or not, and not punctuation or spelling it is for entertainment not a college exam. Therefore, understand you are not giving any constructive criticism of the story. You are simply being derogatory and we are not interested in your morals.

Speak for yourself. Whom, exactly, is "We?" That is, the "we" who do not care about action, punctuation or spelling? You should stick to speaking for yourself, not in the royal plural. Why does "entertainment" have to be badly spelled and punctuated? Many, quite entertaining, stories are well spelled and punctuated. That's because the authors give a damn. Poor spelling and punctuation indicate careless writing and just "spell" distracted reading, trying to figure out what is meant by poorly written prose. You, obviously, can't spell, punctuate or construct a lucid sentence. That doesn't mean others have a room temperature IQ. "We" are interested in the morals of SBrookes103x to the same degree "we" are interested in your dull criticism: not at all.

Hey if you don't like my writing, fine everyone's entitled to their own opinion.

Where do you see that I didn't know where the story is going? It was all too obvious!

As the prior comment says, how can it be "well-written" without readable punctuation.

What do my morals have to do with anything? I don't believe I passed any moral judgement on this.

Out of the 25 comments that weren't by me SEVEN criticized the grammar and punctuation. That's more than 25% of the comments! Who knows how many readers just gave up in frustration!

Thanks to the prior comment for the defense.

Ignore the negativity in some of these comments.

I thought it was a really good first story. I am a fan of the first person perspective, and I think it is harder to write a story that way, so kudos for taking it on.

Your pacing was spot on, and your dialogue created a nice tension between the two characters.

Please keep writing and posting. Remember that for every negative comment there are at least 20 people who enjoyed it and didn't bother responding. You need a thick skin to ignore the idiots who feel compelled to be the moral police for fictional characters.

I hope to see more from you.

A good first effort. Don't sweat the negative assholes- the LW site seems to specialize in them. The story is pretty straightforward, and I appreciate that you didn't have them fall into bed straight away. The text from her husband implies that he might know what his wife gets up to. Now, how to improve: you don't punctuate nearly enough, so some of the reading has to be parsed out a bit. I tend to overpunctuate, then I go back and remove some. The rule of thumb is: if you read a sentence and take a pause at a certain point, THAT'S usually where you need a comma. Keep up the good work, and take my comments with a grain of salt because I haven't contributed a story yet and you're a braver soul than I!

awesome story.Keep Writing.

Sice simple story and it happens often I am sure. Been there done that....

Double B T B & B....both wrong and both should Pay, TK U MLJ LV NV

As I drifted off to sleep I wondered what would happen next. A sudden loud whining sound awakened me from my deep sleep. I shook my self from the fog to see Erin's husband Tim standing over me. The whining noise came from my power drill, now.in Tim's right hand. "Hope she was worth it." he said. " She said you weren't worth dying for. " I realized the drill bit was getting closer to my right eye. I tried to say how sorry I was, but there was a.blinding light in my eye,with terrible pain. Then nothing.

Thanks for writing!

Been there, done that. For a while the only pussy I liked was married pussy. Women talk so you sometimes only have to sleep with one married woman before other married women will seek you out. Some cheat on their husbands as passive aggressive payback, others do it at their husband's urging, but most will cheat with you for reasons you'll never know.

I've only talked frankly with a few of the husbands. Maybe surprisingly, but only a few were visibly upset. While some approved but most seemed to turn a blind eye and didn't want to talk about it with me. Two husbands sheepishly asked me to impregnate their wives.

Married women tend to know what they want and most of them, that I've been with, want aggressive physical play, bordering on CNC. The more callus and self-serving the better. It's really odd, but that has been my experience.

I really enjoyed your story, wish you had continued with more!!!