All Comments on 'Restless Nights'

Your premise, while clichéd, is interesting. You begin to make some interesting points about the subtle, male-oriented eroticism of lingerie catalogs and the irony that, while marketed for women, they personify the desires of males. Additionally, your mention of the male's familiarity with them poignantly alludes to the fact that many adolescents' first exploration of the female body includes these catalogs.

But your grammar, formatting, and confusing characters (Who is Susan? What is her relation to the male? Why does she do these things? How does she know about his obsession with her? What is the back story of his obsession?) ruin the story. You do not maintain verb tense or even the gender of your pronouns, and your reliance on phrases and words which seem to be above your intellectual level makes the whole almost laughable when compared to the fractured and immature English that comprises the majority of the story.

As it stands, this is not fit to be read. The plot and writing are, frankly, childish. I'm sorry for the harshness of my criticism, but it is true, nonetheless.