All Comments on 'Return to Chicago'

I didn't see the twist at the end! It's a rare thing when you suddenly end up rooting for the "bad" guys to win! Looking forward to chapter 2 and see how much they score in Dakota!

can topple over if one gets discovered and found out, TK U MLJ LV NV

Nice twist ending!! You really got me with that one. Well done.

Thanks

That vicious twist really hurt. Now what to do with the boiling tar & feathers that I was going to anoint the cheaters in ?

exactly like at least two other stories I have read here. I'm thinking, OK, just another carbon-copy of the old "betrayal on the anniversary with the high school boyfriend" gambit. I read on because I want to know how this husband will deal with it- divorce or cuck? When he holds up the rings to sell to the crowd, I thought, OK this is different. Will she really be that clueless and still leave with the guy? And then, YEP! She IS that stupid. But then we realize the whole thing is a con, and a set-up. It was so effective, because while I'm busy looking for all of the clichés evident in this "carbon-copied" story, I'm unaware that the con has been perpetrated on ME! Good job! Thanks!

in the Dakotas the old boyfriend is libel to get a bullet hole in his head from one of the good ole boys, for that matter so might the wife

You are on top of your game.....write more

Like other commenters I figured this was just another cuck story. And not very original. Was already formulating a comment that wasn't too nice. Reading further it turned out to be a CON!! Started laughing so hard had tears. Damn!! This turned into a very good flash story. OK. You got me! Yes, I'm impressed. Very well written. Thanks for the read!!

Great flash story. I haven' gone back to make sure all the ducks are in a row, but I'm betting they are. Very entertaining.

I was ready to check to see if this was identical to earlier models when the twister came!

We were taken in by the sleight of hand and caught looking in the wrong direction. Nice work.

Well played, Well played, suckered me right in.

I've had to delete a couple comments, not because they were negative, but because they gave away the plot. I appreciate the fantastic comments; thank you all very much, but please refrain from giving away the ending.

I don't see the point, it was just a bunch of nonsense.

Where did laptopwriter go?

Well done! Nicely written. Novel plot. Stirred emotion. (I was totally pissed at the "broad"by the time she left the bar.)

Love your story, great bit of creative writing. Thank you.

I was ready to hang the wife and lover.....that's a real "gotcha"

"Sorry, but...

I've had to delete a couple comments, not because they were negative, but because they gave away the plot. I appreciate the fantastic comments; thank you all very much, but please refrain from giving away the ending."

You mean there's more to this garbage?

Great Story! Great Read!

Sure didn't see that one coming, fooled the heck out of me!

I Love When That Happens!

Ok story but having read half the original before even with your twist it's not a patch on your usual work. I think you are a victim of your own fame :)

And for three grifters, they seem to be doing well. But at some point, given the fact that they are constantly making a scene in a public place, someone is going to trip them up. And unless they are doing this several nights a week, they aren't really making retirement money. And where would they retire in safety?

Very clever tale.

Thoroughly enjoyed the emotional rollercoaster you put me on.

The ending was well conceived.

Excellent short story.

Shocked at the low score, it is so much better than that.

Thank you,

M1*****

It was well written, would like to see more.

I know it is a flash story, but I would love read how they got into the profession of grifters and how strong their love is.

Nice twist at the end...

But I guess it struck me as a little weird at the end.

They have a hell of a racket going there - and it could work exactly that way -

Of course like any con game they have to walk a very careful line to avoid being found out - but that is a given anyway.

Very creatively done and a happy couple after all -

I do not get the low scores. This is a mighty fine flash story.

Great job!!!

You played the loving wife angle perfectly. For a flash story this was well rounded and complete.

I thought she was an ungrateful bitch, but boy was I fooled. I agree with the previous comment, can't believe the low score.

A solid five from me.

I too am mystified at the (relatively) low score on this story. This was a very clever piece of imagination, well written with a delicious twist at the end.

On the other hand, look at some of the BTB stories (HueMutt's come to mind) that are practically illiterate, with confused plots based on nonsense details, but score so well.

Clearly if you don't write the same theme over and over again, there are readers who just can't appreciate the story for its own internal qualities, if it doesn't fit into their ideas.

I was really getting pissed and looking forward to some hardcore BTB.

Fooled me completely, thank you I actually breathed a big sigh of relief.

The low scores are probably due to the fact that nobody likes being scammed; not even a reader on this story site! But I gave it a 3

Frankly fun to,read.

George in Omsha

were the readers.

this joke was not funny.

I went from being interested to getting angry to being totally pissed off. Totally worthless people in a totally worthless situation. It this was in the Humor category I might have thought it was funny. Maybe. However here it's just sad. I guess everyone has an off day sometimes. Except for me of course. All my days are off.

Now that was funny.

A little late to comment on this but . . . cheers for the con artists (and that especially includes laptopwriter). Must confess I saw the twist coming (my devious and crooked mind) and more might have been made of the celebratory sex. But that's just a quibble.

I can picture it going south in a hurry. Some lonely guy who just got his heart broke by some cheap slut wife, watches this unfold and loses it. He follows the couple out in the parking lot and empties his 44 magnum into the cheating couple.

I've never been so furious as to find that you tricked me! Hahaha excellent writing, sir. I applaud you.

Something different. Thanks for sharing.

The con game...always ends bad...But a funny reading

Isn't it an irony,especially in the L.W. genre,cheaters to the world are the most faithful life partners.

As for the low scores, I think the BTB brigade is irked by the fallacy of their prime quote,"ones a cheater, always a cheater", after reading this story.

Thanx for the classic O.Henry twist.

The 5th * from me.

For what it's worth (not much, LOL!), here are my thoughts when I thought it was real:

They’re having a romantic dinner celebrating their anniversary and she lets an old boyfriend join them?!

Just like “But, Honey, It Was Just A Dance”, you don’t ask a woman to dance without asking her escort for his permission first!

With all your great stories there had to be one I didn't like. Scamming others is almost worse than what they were pretending to do. You're still one of my favorite authors.

JudyLee

and suckers who are born every minute. TK U MLJ LV NV

So I shall rewrite it. =-)

I started out being very angry with the main characters....

Much better ending than I thought though. Still want to slap a few people but I was smiling.

That good enough so I don't give away the ending? =-)

Sincerely,

Payenbrant

So how is he planning on making money in the Dakotas???

Sounds like a pimp. Could you elaborate?

"in soviet russia, plot twists you"

- yakov smirnoff

I have to admit, I didn't see that ending coming. I've been had once by Grifters on the take, so I should have seen it coming . Damn it! Very original and well worth the price of admission.

And this was a good one.

You're becoming one of my favorite authors. :o)

Soooo F'd up it was great! surprise surprise surprise! :)

Nuff said

Always enjoy your stories.

The. PoV is a fatal flaw! It helped make the twist good (nay...great), but it created a problem no other comment noticed (that was not deleted ... as this probably will be) . It is told BY Hubby. First Person! Thoughts of the First Person or narrator are gospel. They do not have to be ‘the whole truth’ but they MUST be the truth. Hubby expresses his sense of insult, of neglect, of jealousy,of irritation, of anger and of abandonment. NONE of those would be TRUE since the whole scene turns out to be a scamscam. Hubby’s thoughts and emotions could have been written in differently, OR the Point of Viewmay have been written by an omniscient viewer (3rd person), but then thoughts and emotions would have to be expressed as impressions from Hubby’s movements and facial expressions - a less-compelling source, but one that allows for misconception.

BTW, LTW, few, if any, of We-The-Readers peruse the comments before reading the story, so your belief that it gives away the plot-twist does not obtain.

2*. Basically, LTW, you lied to We-The-Readers.

I agree that the first person narrative kills the twist in an otherwise really good story.

My only other nitpick is this - nobody in the club knows who is actually the husband, so if I were running that scam, I'd be playing the guy getting handsy with my own wife, and the hired actor can be playing the put upon husband sitting alone at the table. Doing it the other way around is a bit cuckish.

Hilarious, well done.

A real surprise ending! Not bad. Plus correctly spelled & grammatical! 5 stars.

Excellent con artistry right there!!

5 stars!!

I liked it very much. A very plausible bit of grift.

for @Lickideesplit and others complaining about First-Person P.O.V., you are completely missing the point of the author's use of the Unreliable Narrator, such as a grifter lying to their mark(s). In other words, the very point of the story. The author/narrator is lying to us, exactly as he would his victim; and he must be convincing otherwise he'll lose his score (or the audience).

Unreliable Narrators are almost always 1st POV, for example Humbert Humbert in "Lolita".

Your point is valid if the narrator has built up a history of being honest throughout the whole story only to pull the rug out at the end. That's not the case here.

Belongs somewhere else

...an original well written story. 5 stars. Thanx!

Loklie

Too many anti heros nowadays. #CriminalsDeserveBayonets.

Most cons succeed bc of the greed of the victims. Here, while some of the interest is akin to watching a train wreck, for the most part the crowds motives are sympathy, empathy, and disgust at a grievous insult.

Scams like this and the bank examiner are perped by ultimate POS criminals, right down there barely above abusers and molesters. Half serious:To quote an old Gunny, kill em all let God sort em out.

5* The entire story seemed like the 5 minute opening to a police procedural(Law & Order, etc). The next scene: Morning: Dennis is found murdered in his room, Police think Walt & Jenny did it, and they point the finger at the unknown woman in Dennis' room last night! Good Job, well written even as short as it is.

That had me fooled for while. Great concept for a story. Well done.

Ahh gotta love grifters, had me going there, loved the ending.

I can't say the characters were likeable, but top marks for originality.

Neat....

Different from the normal run of the mill stories,so makes a nice change.

What a great twist on a somewhat tired theme. Very nice job.

1 star

Well done. Neat and tidy.

LWlurker

Wonderful turn around on the Febuary Sux theme!!!

It the ending I was expecting... well done

Fantastic turn of the wheel! Reminds me of the old George Scott film, 'The Flim-Flam Man'!

In a LTW story, a toast to whom ever puts those three in Northwest Memorial before they skip town. Signed: BTW

LPN - hadn't thought about that movie in a long time but your right. Thank up LTW, my second time through!

somewhere east of Omaha

LOL. A twist! On the grift, and pulling it off. Dope story, Mr. Writer. Write another soon. Five stars, Randi.

No way the ending was expected....Good story. Very original "sting" BTRH...

Brilliantly original. Bravissimo!

Excellent original twist. Keep up the quality work. Thank you.

Wow, certainly not the end I was expecting, well done!

Ok to cheat people??!

Great writing as usual but the tale was very poor. I am hoping that someone will write a sequel and the cops pick these despicable characters up and they spend the next 10 years in jail

disliked the way the story turned, meaning the characters, not the writing, cute concept

Writing was excellent, but they were despicable scam artists, they didn't get burned, and I will never root for the bad guys. It's fiction, but I don'r respect a story with only villains and victims of them.

Good writing…. Hated, absolutely HATED the story.

This one had me chortling mightily indeed!

Sorry, but can't feel good about these two strengthening their criminal enterprise. Hopefully their respect for their vows proves no deeper than their respect for the rule of law or the rights of their fellow citizens. An affair between Dennis and the wife would very likely bring an end to this twisted version of the Three Musketeers. May the slut be strong in her.

Pretty tricky story. Thanks for your writing.

While I dislike the characters I loved the turn of the take, from devastation to a successful conclusion. Five stars for a tle well developed.

JPB

Story of con

Written well so 3 stars

Can't give more when dealing with immoral people

You got me, that deserves 5 stars for originality.

A con.

The mod fraud?

('What do I get for this daimond ring?... gerrymandering and the pacemakers)

Well developed and interesting. Four stars for brevity as compared to your five star work. Thanks

Nice twist and well written. I never saw that one coming. Four solid stars.

Actally, Five.

JPB

five stars and a WTF was that ??