All Comments on 'Returning Home Ch. 01'

* Lose your thesaurus.

* Your info dumps: paragraphs of pathos that's suppose to make us feel? Put them in the story, don't just tell they happened. Learn the power of the unspoken word.

* You killed any fear of your bad guys. I've lost interest the revenge business already.

* I've heard this story in all its parts before, from a multitude of different stories and movies. Try inventing something yourself.

* Are you living through your good guys? They are always the same, and they are always near perfect. Their crutches are not crutches. This guys has a limp and near blind, but that's not a factor in any confrontation. We already know who wins.

* You have been studying BurntRedstone ~ you write better than him, but he puts a story together better ~ and some other drug writers I can't remember.

* It's well written, don't lose heart, but you can't put together a story. Not yet. You're off on some things. Work on your sex/seduction scenes as well. And stop making your heroes perfect, please.

You get a 5 this time, I like the effort. You cut corners on the story you want to tell, but it's better than most on here.

(please excuse any typos. I messed up my wrist so I am using voice to text, which sucks)

First off, thank you for reading and voting.

I don't use a thesaurus, but if word choice is a problem, I will certainly keep an eye on it.

You may want to wait until chapter two to make any evaluations about Jim. He is hugely flawed.

I appreciate your taking the time to offer feedback. Have a great weekend.

Looking forward to part 2

Thanks for sharing.

Well written and paced. So far as much a thriller as erotica, hope the other chapters are as good!

A STORY, UNLIKE OTHERS HERE. INTRIGUING TO SAY THE LEAST. LOVE TO READ MORE AND THANK YOU FOR A GREAT STORY SO FAR! I'D GIVE YOU 10 STARS IF I COULD!!!

Looking forward to reading the next chapters.

I was super excited when I saw that you posted this. I really enjoyed your story Siblings Estranged, and this one is shaping up to be just as good if not better. Keep up the great work.

yes another chapter i want to read what happens next

This is so much more than erotica. This is literature. A well paced story with all the elements required to keep your interest. Exciting! Extremely well written! Amazing plot! A masterpiece and I cannot wait for the next chapter.

Impending retribution,future reconciliation and drama on 10. What's not to like. I patiently await the next installment of your tale. Well done.

given anyone 5 stars or commented on the story. This is freaking EXCELLENT.

until the whole of this story is told. WOW.

youve given him facial scars and a limp but Im willing to bet thats all for sympathy and they dont trouble him at all in fact hes the type of guy who only gets into trouble if he allows it boring

was gran torino your inspiration for this story

I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who commented. I am usually more diligent in responding to comments, but I injured my wrist and I am using voice to text.

If you haven't tried that before, it is a pain in the ass.

All aunts and nephews should experience such uninhibited love. Been reading incest since 1974 and this is one of the best.

Normally don't look for this category for good stories but this is excellent so far.

Excellent writing story line. Enchanting and wanting to read on. Thanks

If you're going to steal someone else's writing style, at least give them credit.

Hello Anonymous,

Thank you for taking the time to read the story. If I ever steal another writer's style, I will be sure to take your advice and mention it in the afterward. Seeing as how that's not the case here, I'll chalk up your suggestion as a note for future endeavors.

I'm an avid reader of many genres of literature and I like to think that I can separate the wheat from the chaff. This is the first comment I've ever left on this site, so let me just say this work would make an excellent bread. Well done

Good but 2 different flash back time zones make it tricky to follow.

The flashbacks may cause the concentration gland to step up a bit, but your writing invites a visceral response. This young wounded warrior's struggles are minor in his own mind when compared to his target of confronting Hector. I look forward to it. You are SO talented in this real life genre. I feel I am a witness to his life, his goals, his determination to protect and avenge his cousin's suffering and try to explain what happened with her mother. You are a master in this gift you have. I look forward to more more more!

. . . . you sharing some other good reads in addition to your own. I so often get caught up iokig for another from ctc, van, randi, todd, and harddaysknight that it is good to broaden my reading.

Thank you again for all your writing!

Norman_Sands

Liked it on to check.2

Excellent all around. Plot, punctuation. character development...

Are a lot of them on places like Amazon? Is that why a lot are missing from here? If so, I thank you for leaving them on as long as you did. When I was really struggling authors like you really helped... Thanks!!!!

Not bad, set it up well in this part, hope you have kept it going in the next

Can't wait for part 2!!!!!

Just great so far. Especially love the colloquial voice of your writing style . . . .

Good start. On to Ch. 2.