All Comments on 'Rewriting Us'

And boring! 3/5

WELL, THERE ARE A FEW STORIES LONGER........ LIKE "WAR AND PEACE". I AGREE WITH THE OTHER COMMENT, IT IS DEFINATELY TOOOOOO LONG. I DID NOT BOTHER TO RATE IT BECAUSE OF ITS LENGTH.

I'm sorry that this offering was too long and/or slow for your tastes. The very first sentence on the first page was, "This is a long one, folks." I hope that between that opening line and your comments, others who are looking for something more fast paced, will pass on this, and try my much faster paced "Finding Our Way." it is broken into smaller pieces, and each piece is loaded with action...in fact the opening scene of that story is action.

A great read! It felt well written and thought out and very hot! Thank you so much for sharing it with us!

... that people like RapidReader and so many others only read stories for a quick stroke, instead of actually enjoying the craft and effort that goes into writing a REAL story. AND THEN THEY HAVE THE GALL TO BE CRITICAL! As a wise man once said: We are surrounded by idiots. This is a job well done, one of the few stories that actually rates 5 stars.

.. that should have been "RapidResponder". Only goes to show how memorable he and his comments are.

Appreciate your reply, onlyfiction. Thank you for recommending your other story and for so graciously answering my earlier comment. I am very careful not to insult or injure any author when I comment. I apologize for sounding terse before. Your writing is top-notch when it comes to the mechanics such as grammar, spelling and so forth. I just felt that, for its length, it just moved a little bit slowly. That's all. I am headed for your other selections now and I am sure I will find something I like!

Thanks for your words of praise, to the anonymous writer (or writers?) who enjoyed my piece.

RapidResponder, I'm glad you had a chance to see my reply, and hope that FOW is a good fit for you :D post a happier comment on one of those :)

Absolutely amazing story. I loved it! I now have to read your other one, hehe. Great pace, great plot and great sex scenes. 5 stars for sure. I'm looking forward to check your future projects. Thanks a lot for your effort and keep up the awesome work. ^__^

YamiBoy,

Thanks! That's great to hear! Exactly what I was aiming for :)

Thanks for writing this story. Really enjoyed it!! and please don't stop writing long story with good storyline. Literotica already has lots of short stories, most of them don't have good storyline just some description of sex scenes. This site need lots of good stories. Keep up the good work.

too damn long

There was some fat that needed trimming throughout, but you had an interesting premise and slowly built to a crescendo, at which point you should have wrapped it up and gotten out. Instead, you made the mistake of trying to escalate further and turned a human character into a sex monster whose entire existence revolves around having her ludicrous needs serviced -- then forged ahead for several thousand more words!

If I wanted to be insulting -- to her much more so than you -- I'd say the Susan Jill Parker influence can be seen in the repetition and padding. Though, as I said, you had a worthwhile story underlying that, which makes the comparison extremely flattering to someone who habitually takes thin, unoriginal premises and stretches them from 2,000 words to 20,000 and insists that makes her "a novelist."

I suppose it's possible that Susan Jill Parker is popular here, just not with me. All of her stories carry the same cadence, the same feeling that she loves to hear herself tell stories, and the same feeling they have no beginning or ending.

As for your story, I agree it should have ended well before it did, leaving us in suspense. I tend also to agree it was a great premise, but at some point turned into an effort to reach a certain word count, as if that was the intended journey.

Of course, as always, that's just my opinion. I'm sure I'll read another one of your stories, until I find they all "feel" like SJP's, at which point I will never read another, like I don't hers.

You put in the heart, the feelings that would have to really be part of any kind of these relationships - if they were to really happen.

I really enjoyed your other series! Write em as long as you want. It's worth the time.

Your writing left me breathless...the anticipation and buildup was perfect, your description of his mother's anal desires was beyond reproach....I was enthralled, you captivated me and had me writhing with hard desire the entire story. Bravo!

Please don't stop....you're a story teller for the ages. Kudos.

...for your legitimately constructive criticism. I debated a lot about whether to end it early. You can see reflections of this in the joking "The End" before the final sex scene. I obviously chose to push ahead with what I felt was an important aspect of the story.

As for the "sex monster," I will grant you that I may be guilty of turning BOTH characters into people whose lives revolve around sex, but if I didn’t that may have been even more fat you’d see needing to be trimmed. I tried to hint at it a few times along the way, but ultimately, the theme of women having to hide their sexuality and appetites is one I have always found exciting and compelling. Is a man who wants to have sex a couple times a day a monster? Maybe yes. Maybe no, but even then, why is that monstrous?

If you’re interested in really challenging yourself with these ideas, TheTalkMan’s fascinating “You Couldn’t Handle Me” series takes this theme, twists it into knots and turns it on its head. But it really made me think, so I guess it should have gone in my acknowledgements. (Plus it is so long it makes my story look like a haiku!)

Thank you both again for sharing your thoughts in such clear and constructive ways.

- O.F.

Your praise and encouragement is just the sort of support any writer would be proud to receive! Really makes me feel like there is more to what I’m doing than scratching down dirty stories and tossing them into the ether!

Thanks so much!

- O.F.

One of the best stories in this genre I've ever read

High praise indeed! Thank you for the compliment!

O.F.

.....truly sorry about that. Just my opinion. Great writer you are but this just didn't do it for me.

-AL

Loved it!! 11 pages was not too long by any means. As long as the writing is excellent, I'll read any story no matter how long. Five plus stars!!!

It's great to read that you and others are enjoying the writing, and that the length isn't a barrier.

I'm not sure what will come next or when, but the encouragement means everything!

- O.F.

I thought the story wasn't long enough. You did wonderful job of constructing two people who I cared about and was compelled to follow their lives. The pace was great . even though it was eleven pages, it was just right-no dragging nor flying by important parts. I do think it went bizarre with the mother. You paint a picture of a gentlt, graceful gentile lady, then she suddenly she turns like she overdosed on bath salts and wanted her son to take a sledge hammer and pound a rail road spike into her ass. I didn't take her for a lunatic for the first 6-7 pages. Even so, you are a terrific writer.

11 Literotica pages isn't long enough!?! I literally LOLed at this comment. Thanks so much for the praise. The pacing and characters are two of the big elements I looked at over and over as I put this together. I tried to drop a few hints about the mom's private proclivities (Her comments about being too much for Bono and also the bookshelf entries,) and I hesitated to put in more. "It'll get too long," I worried!

Ha! Proof positive for me that you can't please everyone all the time. I am so glad it pleased you as much as it did, though!

I have to admit that i am disappointed. I am disappointed because this has to be one of the better stories i have read in this site and it is only 11 pages. I wanted more. From the beginning it was obvious this story is different from the rest.

The idea of becoming who he needed to be so that his mother can see past beyond her son and see the real man is surprisingly realistic and fun. You had just enough sex and flirting and romance to keep things going. It can be difficult to keep a balance. Too much romance or even sex can make a story very dull. I loved this.

I personally have never felt attracted to my mother in that way but even so anyone can see how erotic it can be. You did it perfectly in my opinion. You had me wondering how he was going to approach his mother. It seemed like a daunting task. You pulled it off though. Cheers.

I will be honest, even though there are many stories I like in the incest category, there is only one I have ever loved and had literally zero complaints about, that was 'Beyond the Borderline', although other stories have been great and I have immensely enjoyed them, none have reached that level of enjoyment for me, until I read this story.

I like a story with a good build up and a story where it feels like the character's actions have meaning and this was one of the main reasons I loved this story, although I can understand others wishes for it to be longer, I think the pacing was great, I think it is a good sign if you leave your readers begging for more.

Thank you both so much for your towering compliments. It is deeply rewarding to read that you have enjoyed the characters, pacing and overall story so much.

NobleHouseofFrost, any writer would be grateful to read your comment that his/her story is "different from the rest," (in a good way,) so thank you for that. Vice75, I absolutely agree that 'Beyond the Borderline' is the gold standard for these sorts of stories, so to have you compare my story to it in such a positive light means a great deal to me.

Thank you yet again!

O.F.

Makes me yearn for Alwayswantedto.

This might be in all honesty, one of the best stories I've ever read on this website. It truly was perfect.

Thanks so much. What more could one hope to read than the kind words of your comment?

- O.F.

Ok so how is anyone going to top this? Fucking incredible.. If I could give you a standing ovation I would be the first to rise up.

I give you 9 out of 5 stars for this fantastic read. Wow what a story. I loved it and must come back and read it again. A sequel would be a good read too if you wanted to explore the next couple of years in their lives.

I grinned reading some early comments of people that didn't bother to read the full story because of its lenght. I have an advice for them "Go read some one-page fap porno story and don't bother with erotic literature like this, this work is definitely not suited for people like you...".

For the author, I've only compliments, there are a lot of readers like me that enjoy a slow and believable build-up, so well as fully shaped characters.

I would also enjoy if in a future story you should build even a slower crescendo than in this story. The slower it grows the climax, the more it's enjoyable the moment it explodes!

Thank you again for the great reading, and keep up the great work!

One of the better stories out here. Very well paced and written. Keep up the good work mate.

nice story. Thank you for sharing.

One of the best stories on here in this genre in my opinion. Comparable to 'Beyond the Borderline' for those that know it. I don't understand commenters criticising the length who then 5 star a one pager full of cliched characters and non-existent plot. This is a well thought out, credible and compelling narrative that is expertly crafted. For those that are easily pleased and impatient I suggest you not bother. For those that appreciate proper erotica with quality writing then this one is for you.

Hit it straight out the park!

BanzaiConcept, Thanks so much for your enthusiastic comment! I'm still polishing my next piece, and I've got an idea or two in the brain to follow. I hope you'll check back in the future and enjoy!

O.F.

Does that mean there's going to be a sequel? 0_0

But in all seriousness, absolutely amazing! This is for sure one of my favorite pieces of art! Thank you!

Long story and I am glad of it. Never got slow or boring. Well done!

Thanks, CompletedLeafie. I'm so gratified you found the story "fucking incredible." Your standing ovation comments would make me blush if I weren't such a fan of puns. :D

O.F.

Fucking brutal, OF!

I've read over 400 stories on Literotica and finding such an innovative approach to developing the plot between Don and Mom was great. Also... the dialogues in the sex scenes were fucking-mind-blowing!

Congratulations! 5 STARS!

Truly excellent!

5 stars and favorited.

This was a truly great story. Plot, excitement, twists, erotic overtures, plain ol' good boinking along with a wonderful love story. Five stars, at least. Sorry for the anonymous but Literotica doesn't recognize my email.

Love it