All Comments on 'Ricky, Suzie and Colin'

but perhaps not right for this site...

On another note:

'Actually, Mal Talwyn wasn't auditioning for the role of a psychic medium, it was a role that her Celtic heritage had thrust upon her, unwillingly, from a very early age.

She was the medium cum-presenter for Massive TV's hit show: "A Medium at Large" '

If you'd made Mal Talwyn a petite wee lass, Massive TV's hit show could have been

(wait for it)

"A Small Medium at Large"

It was not a good story. I understand that you were trying to give the story from different perspectives, but cutting and pasting the same description over and over was tedious to read. Also, that is no type of resolution at all. "She is screwing Dave. Let's have lunch." Seriously?

and for making annony cry!!

Lit EROTICA!

NOT LitDepressiva.

'Nuff said!

3*

Not too sexy, but it explored marriage, men, women and their interactions. Good tale. I gave it a 4. Thanks

Very nicely done idea. Telegraphed her manipulation of the ex , Colin to get rid of the husband . Just could not figure out it was dave she really wanted to be with. Very well done.

Best story posted today. Earned 4*s .

@Lickeedesplitlip : 3*s really, you idiot. You contradict your own previous comments .

AMerryMan

1

thanks for your effort

Great back story, and interesting characters. I very much liked that they didn't tell the truth. Characters lying is a complication that many writers avoid.

The song Mouldy Dough I never heard of, but I listened to it on U tube, it's not a bad tune, silly looking musical group

Odd names. Calling the bad army guy gone bad, Colin Powell got my attention, he was Bush the Incompetent's fall guy

Tŷ Bach, the internet translates as "toilet" I thought of Tycho Brahe, or curtain "tieback"

Mal Talwyn No internet translation, Mal for bad, Talwyn, Tail wind

Polly Dempster Polly Dumpster?

Dave Burton Too many David Burtons to choose from

So all of the illusions were lost on me. However, they got in the way of the story

Dr. Pidyn Mawr The internet translates as Doctor Penis head

I don't much care for the mystic supernatural, so that was a turn off, and most of the allusions were lost on me. They got in the way of the story. So all in all, not so good IMO

Chilley

I think that said it all. 2*

Well written, but i didn't like it a little bit...The only decent and religious guy was destroyed by a cheating wife, a lunatic ex-boyfriend and a false best friend...I hope the Tv program will end with the wife and false friend cheating...1*

......and the story had several rather abrupt transitions, leaving us with and ending that was filled with unfinished business.

Not up to your usual standard.

While well presented insofar as technical aspects of the writing, we needn't worry most times. But the story was silly rubbish....and you didn't finish it properly.

Was it necessary to repeat that one section three times? I think not! I agree with the comment that called the story garbled. That's exactly what it was. There was potential, but it was ruined by ineffectual writing.

I loved it. Truly original. Nice story told in a weird round about way.

He probably wouldn't like it. Too repetitive.

Your English is worse, too much spelling errors.

I don't mind the repeats, oh well, but is the story finished?

I would love to read a sequel to tie up the loose ends.

Thanks

In Groundhog's Day, the exact same things don't just get repeated over and over without changes. That's just lazy writing. Each time scenes repeat something is different about them. You just copy/pasted a couple paragraphs to pad out a story that already had no plot, no character development, nor anything erotic about it. Don't compare yourself to one of the best comedies ever written because you got fucking lazy.

the worst job of editing I've ever seen with the the multiple use of the same scenes

Anonymous 03/17/15 nailed it

The story was all over the place with a bunch of shite copied often.

I just lost interest in the thing and skipped to the end to see how it turned out, just to find out it didn't really end.

At least it was short.

you seem to be confused. I, as with many others, can read every known and unknown language. It is just the understanding of the meaning the language represents that is an unknown.

I assume that this was a writing exercise for MattblackUK.

I had to read this twice to see the irony in it.

Billy Lines

I enjoyed this, not really sure why though. I'm a big Jeremy Kyle buff though.

But a very interesting mess, the parts I understand anyway. Here and I thought Susie wasn't a cheater, didn't I? Good, but too British.

What a repetitive crock of crap ...

Using the alley dialog set THREE bloody time is simply lazy, cheap, writing.

I've read several of your stories, some quite good, but something like this absurd.

How plebian to use the same scene, verbatum 3 times.

You have to live in England for the local references to have any meaning. For me, USA, they were a puzzling distraction.

now that ricky is awake will he get revenge on dave and suzie? we need part 2

The part where the main character relives the assault time and time again obviously slips by some?

Simon Masters

Colin was an asshole and their friends were toxic!! Suzie is a slut whom he should divorce

Some of yours and good and some are not. This is not