Ridiculust Ch. 17

The Purple Chimps had all gone their separate ways for dinner at their homes. As it happened, Pat Marshak lived about a block north and west of Anna Lam, and usually walked past her house to get to the park. It was a perfect evening for a walk, warm with a clear sky and gentle breeze from the south. He was not surprised to see her sitting on her front steps, waiting for him. They were both dressed in black T-shirts, pants, shoes, and socks, with "Purple Chimps" and their logo on the shirts.

"Hi, Pat!" she said, jumping up and running down the walk to embrace him in a bear hug. Their eyes, both dark brown, were locked on each others'. As she was five-foot-six and he was five-foot nine, she was looking up into his face. "I was hoping that you'd come by."

"I was hoping that you would be waiting for me," he replied, hugging her just as hard. He could feel her B-sized breasts pressed against his lower chest, and she could feel something hard pressing into her abdomen. She reached down to squeeze and stroke it through his black pants.

"Goodness me, you can't go to the concert with a boner like that. People would talk!"

"It does pose a bit of a problem," he mused, bending down to deliver a kiss to her waiting lips. "And kissing you does not seem to be helping it," he added rather breathlessly when they broke apart. He reached down to feel between her legs, and had no trouble noticing the heat.

"Come with me, I think I have a solution," she said huskily. Her house had a tall wooden gate on its left side leading to the backyard, and she pulled him to it and then through it, closing it firmly behind them. There was a narrow concrete pathway leading past the house and the tall wooden fence between it and the neighbour's house gave them good privacy. In seconds she had unbuttoned his pants and pulled them and his underwear down, freeing the cock that had been straining to get out. "Ever since yesterday I have been unable to stop thinking about this cock!" she said, squatting down to stuff it into her mouth. It was uncircumcised and a bit more than seven inches long, she judged, and thick enough to fit into a toilet paper roll with little room to spare. He groaned as she pulled her head back, licking the bottom of the shaft, and then swirling her tongue on the sensitive tip while gently fondling his healthy-sized balls with her hand.

"Anna, if you keep doing that I'm going to explode in your mouth!" She stood up, unbuttoned and pulled down her pants, then got onto a five inch high stool, spread her feet as far apart as her pants would let her and bent over the air conditioner. "This convenient stool and roll of paper towels," he indicated the half-used up roll on the air conditioner, "lead me to believe that you had this planned."

"Damn right I did," she replied with a grin over her shoulder as she reached between her legs to open the puffy pink lips of her lust-swollen pussy. "We don't have a lot of time before we have to be there, and I think this will be fast. Now put that cock in where it will do some good!"

"Are you on birth control?" he asked as he moved into position and began playfully stroking her pussy with the tip of his erection.

"For the past two months. I've wanted you, but didn't want to get into trouble. Now quit fooling around and OH!" He had thrust himself into her with one hard stroke and a squish of juices that were more than sufficient lubrication. "Oh Goddess, you fill me right up! Give it to me like you've always wanted to!" Instead, he began moving in and out slowly, taking care to press down a bit to put some pressure on her clitoris. He could feel her shaking slightly and knew it was working. She was hot and tight around him, much tighter than she would be in later years after giving birth to their children.

"I see that you've laid," he said with a slight emphasis, "your claim to me."

"Don't you start with the puns!" she groaned weakly, though whether from the pun or the sweet torment that her nether regions were enjoying. "Brian is bad enough!" She bucked backwards and engulfed his cock, causing him to totally lose focus on her as he shuddered.

"I dunno. You're right, I have wanted to do this ever since we first met and I looked into your eyes. I don't know how many times I've wanked," which he punctuated with a hard thrust that nearly caused her to scream out, "imagining what it would look like to take you from behind. I want to make it last forever." She looked over her shoulder at him, seeing him grinning at her as he thrust again and nearly made her collapse. The air conditioner was now taking most of her weight as she could barely stand up. "I love you, Anna. I never want to stop."

"I love you too, Pat." The look they exchanged at that moment was enough to make them totally lose it. He began pumping frantically and her entire lower body spasmed with the force of her orgasm. Fortunately, the air conditioner kicked on at just that moment, and her scream, even muffled by her biting on her forearm, was mostly drowned out. Unable to move anymore because of the strength of her grip on him, Pat unloaded four powerful squirts of cum and a groan that was mostly covered by the air conditioner.

Both were breathing heavily and the wind from the air conditioner fan was blowing Anna's hair all over the place, as well as sending the paper towels and a package of sanitizing wipes onto the walk. When she finally released him, Pat leaned against the house, seeing stars and not sure if he'd fall over. After a few minutes, they'd recovered enough to use the paper towels to clean up her pussy and legs and his cock, and then used the wipes to make them smell less obvious. Finally, all the nasty stuff was put into the plastic bag Anna had also supplied, which was then deposited in the trash can in her garage.

"Wow," said Pat, smoothing her hair into a reasonable semblance of respectability. "Hey, look at us! We're glowing!" They were indeed glowing faintly, with him in bronze, pink, and pale green and her in yellow, sky blue, and indigo. "But we should get going before we're late."

"Do you think it's love?" Anna asked as they marched briskly down the street.

"It is for me," he replied quietly in his fine, clear voice. "Is it for you?"

"Yes it is," she replied softly, wrapping her arm around his waist. "Don't let go."

"I won't. I am yours now." They made it to the stage just at 7:30, where they met the others who were sitting on the grass in a circle. Sadie and Arthur moved over to make room for them, and they sat down in the grass with unusually calm, relaxed demeanors.

"You two are glowing a bit," Sadie commented after giving them a once-over. "Just what were you doing before you got here?" she added with a knowing smirk.

"They met a philosopher and were illuminated by her wisdom?" Brian asked, receiving an elbow in the side from Luisa for his trouble.

"You two are in love, aren't you?" Luisa asked. "I saw the same sort of glow from Roger and Jeannie as they walked by, but way stronger." Pat and Anna looked at each other, and nodded.

"We couldn't hide it from each other any longer," he said with a smile that lit up the area, taking her hands in his. "And we certainly couldn't hide it from you," he added dryly.

"I'll say," snickered Arthur. "You've been making eyes at each other for at least the past two weeks. Why are the love struck always the last to know?" he inquired dramatically, getting snorts, eye-rolling, and a poke from Brian.

"Speaking of love, we need to set the playlist for tonight," said Anna serenely, as her colours and Pat's blended together a bit around their hands.

"There are a lot of people here tonight," Ellen noted, looking past them into the park, where some had already set up picnics on blankets in front of the stage. "If the response is like anything we had at lunch, we won't have to worry about not having enough love to heal the trees, but rather having too much to handle without frying our brains."

"Ned, you're an electrical engineer. Can you think of a way to turn an audience into a giant magical capacitor?" asked Sadie with an impish grin.

"No," he replied with a sigh, "I think that the only way is to try to spread it out as evenly as possible as things build up. How to do that is just a bit beyond my experience." Pat leaned back and his left hand touched something. He picked up a plastic ring from where it had fallen, probably from a child's fast-food toy. He unobtrusively put it into his left pants pocket.

"How about 'The Lady in Red' by Chris DeBurgh?" he asked. "I heard my dad play it on the radio earlier today. It has a very simple melody and packs a real romantic punch. Have a listen." He pulled out his phone, tapped on it a few times, and turned up the volume. They listened to the melody with professional ears, committing it to memory.

"That will definitely work," said Ellen. "You'll do it, I presume?" He nodded, smiling. Anna gave him a questioning look and he winked at her. "The problem is that, aside from 'I Want to Know What Love Is', we haven't actually played any of these before. Our little exercise at lunch was done with karaoke and we haven't had a chance to rehearse anything! How are we going to do this without looking bad?" She was clearly getting stressed out, and the others were feeling it too. It was going to be a big crowd and possibly the big break they'd been hoping for, and they wanted to make a good impression. They sat staring bleakly at one another for a minute, but then Brian's greenish-brown, gray, and orange colours flared brightly and the others winced and blinked. "You've thought of something?" Ellen asked.

"Possibly," he said cautiously, clearly running something through his mind. "When you said rehearsal, I thought of a pun..." The others groaned, but since it was now clear that he was a punning wizard like Roger, though less powerful, they leaned toward him hopefully. "Oh, so now you WANT the puns, eh?" he asked with a smirk.

"Let us have it," said Sadie with a bone-chilling stare. He shivered involuntarily, then said

"When the staff at a funeral home practice loading coffins, do they call it a rehearsal?" The groans were music to his ears, as usual. He grinned and his colours flared again and balls of energy shot from his hands to hit the others between the eyes. One moved about halfway, turned around and beaned him as well. They all sat frozen, twitching slightly, as the energy made tweaks to various neurons and synapses, translating memories of the songs into muscle memories required to play them on their various instruments. Five minutes later, it was done, and they sat breathing heavily and blinking.

"Oh, my head," said Arthur, rubbing his temples. "That was effective. Brutal, but effective." He found himself miming the movements needed to play Bonnie Tyler's 'I Need a Hero' with a surprised look. "Wow. Just what did you put into our heads, anyway?"

"Umm, I remember 'The Rose', 'Stand By Me', 'I Need a Hero', and 'The Lady in Red'," said Louisa. "With 'I Want to Know What Love Is', of course."

"Is there anything more contemporary?" asked Anna a little grumpily, rubbing her forehead. "The moldy oldies are great, but we have a target demographic to appeal to here." There were some chuckles as she collected her thoughts. "Oh, here we go, The Plastics' 'Sweetheart', that's a good one."

"Information Station's 'I'll Always be Yours'," said Pat. "There's more syrup in it than you'd find in an average pharmacy, but it will work."

"Mamono's 'Boogie in the Bayou' will give people a pickup partway through," mused Ellen. Suddenly, they all froze, wide-eyed, then swiveled their heads towards the hapless Brian, who cringed.

"You did NOT put in 'Oink Oink Oink'," growled Sadie dangerously. "I spend half of my day trying to forget that drivel I keep hearing on the radio! It's a worse earworm than 'Oompa Loompa Love'!"

"Sorry about that," Brian muttered, red-faced. "Goddamned thing was in my head when I was coming up with the spell. It's been driving me nuts too!" The song was created, as they had said in the interviews, by five middle-aged women, three white, one black, and one South Asian, as a direct response to the unexpected success of 'Oompa Loompa Love'. It had inadvertently launched a tidal wave of silliness on the social media channels, mostly YouTube and its ilk, as others sought to repeat its success. It really couldn't be parodied, since it was already ridiculous, so many, many others tried all sorts of things, but it was The Piglets, as they had decided to call themselves, who had finally struck pay dirt two months ago. After trying a few different musical genres with the lyrics, they'd settled on reggae, with a smooth groove, a very catchy hook, and lyrics no less nonsensical and blatantly suggestive.

"Mister Matheson and friends have a lot to answer for," Ellen growled, shaking her head. "I can only hope that the tune is driving The Piglets crazy too!" They quickly agreed to get on the stage and run through the songs with the sound output to the speakers disconnected to reinforce the fake memories before they had a chance to fade.

"We need to start working on our own material," said Arthur. "Covers will only take us so far."

"We'll worry about that later," Brian replied. "With the way people are leaning lately, maybe 'Purple Panty People' would have a chance." The others groaned and he snickered. At about 8:00, Emily Padero, the technician from the Town who was responsible for the stage and its operations, turned on the lights to a level of brightness that let them see, but not at presentation-level. They waved their thanks and she waved back with a big smile. At 8:15 they were confident enough to take a short break to use the Port-a-Potties and have something to drink.

"Well, this is it," said Ellen after they'd gathered by the right side of the stage. "The sun sets in a few minutes, and I think that we're as ready as we'll ever be." They all looked a little nervous. "Once we get started, we'll just go and see what happens. Speaking of which, I wonder where our power couples are?" They all looked out into the crowd, and soon spotted two people setting up a camera next to a tree on top of a small hill. They were engaged in conversation with two people with noticeable and familiar glowing patterns.

"Those must be Roger and Jeannie," said Luisa. "And here come the others," she added as Debbie, Joe, John, and Sarah's glowing forms joined them. "That's our cue." After doing a group fist-bump, they climbed the stairs at the back of the stage, moved to their instruments, and got themselves ready. Emily slowly turned up the lights, Ned activated his mixing board and other gear that were located at the back right corner, and the band began their warm-up exercises, getting some cheers and applause as the wandering people in the park began to migrate to the area where they could see the front of the stage, since there was a wall at the back upon which backdrops could be hung as required by performers. Ned put on a feed of contemporary tunes at low volume to give the audience something to listen to as they waited.

"Here they come," Brian reported as the six glowing forms began walking through the crowd towards the stage. "It looks like Roger didn't get to sneak away," he added with a snicker, as he'd been able to see the failed attempt. It took them four minutes to make it to the stage, and they also got on via the back stairs, receiving more applause from the rapidly gathering crowd.

"Well, here we are," said Sarah after they'd gotten up. "Hi, how are you doing?"

"We're doing OK," Pat replied, moving away from Anna's drum kit to greet them. "Is that a camera out there?" he asked, pointing to where they had been.

"They're from Toronto Action News," Roger replied, waving at them. They waved back.

"The woman operating the camera turned out to be an old friend of his," Joe added with a smirk, earning himself a glower from Jeannie. "Where should we stand? We don't want to interfere with whatever you do on the stage."

"I'll stand by the park entrance," Roger offered with a hopeful expression, then slumping and pouting theatrically when the idea was refused by his steadfast spouse, drawing some much-needed laughs from the band that helped them relax, as he had intended.

"How about the corner over there?" asked Sadie, pointing to the right front of the stage. The six of them relocated themselves obediently and stood in a rough circle arranged in male-female alternating order, with spouses next to each other.

"OK, Ned," said Ellen, "let's get started." Ned flipped a couple of switches and said,

"Mikes are live. I repeat, Mikes are live." It wasn't that large of a stage, only 40 feet by 20, and the band didn't need much of it, having opted to set up relatively close together for moral support, if nothing else. Anna was on the left side, Sadie in the middle, and Louisa on the right, towards the back. In front were Arthur, Ellen, Pat, and Brian, dispersed so that the others could be easily seen.

A hush fell over the crowd, which now formed a human carpet in front of the stage, when the last song being played by Ned finished, and a spotlight was directed on Ellen by Emily from the left front corner of the stage. Pausing for maximum effect, she finally said,

"Hello to everyone watching, here and around the world," she added, conscious of the many cell phones recording, and more than a few live-streaming, as well as Debbie and Leslie in the background. "Welcome to Central Park, here in the lovely town of Arbroath, Ontario! Thank you so much for coming here tonight to help save the trees in the grove." She gestured to Pat, on whom the spotlight was shone.

"We all love those trees," he said in his beautiful voice, and the audience stirred. "Being in the grove gives a feeling of peace and tranquility that lets us stand aside from the chaos and confusion of the world, no matter what the season. But we just found out that the trees are sick, and need our help."

"Events over the past couple of days," continued Anna, gesturing at Roger and the others, "have shown that they can be saved through the power of the magic that has been rising in the town. It has been said that of all the magic in the world, love is the most powerful of all." The look she directed at Pat when she said that got a few hoots and whistles, and he blew her a kiss that got a few more, as well as raised eyebrows from the other band members and some knowing looks, murmurs and embracing from the couples in the corner of the stage who were remembering that stage of their relationships.

"Before we start, we have to give a big shout-out to our parents, without whom all of this would not have been possible!" said Brian, indicating a small clump of people to his left, several rows back from the stage. They responded to the warm applause with gracious bows and waves.

"The songs we will play for you tonight," Sadie continued, adding a little sexy to her Caribbean lilt, "will be a tiny selection from the huge list of love songs that we hope will bring out the love you have for those special to you so that we can channel that power into healing energy for the trees!" There was cheering and applause for that. As it died down, someone from the audience shouted,

"Can you use some of that magic to get rid of the mosquitoes? They're awful!" Attention was directed to Roger, since he was known by now to be the main wizard. He paused, caught off guard, and then his attention was directed upwards by the flights of two bats, on the hunt for dinner.

"Killing them would deprive those bats up there of their dinners," he replied, adjusting himself to project his voice, since he didn't have a microphone. "But maybe we can bring dinner to the bats." He held Jeannie's hand, and she felt his power surge a bit, which brought hers out with it, and they were both glowing brighter. "What's at the end of insects' feet? Mosquitoes!" They made gestures and a wall of multi-colored light swept through the park, and where it touched a mosquito, the bug was left glowing like a firefly and they slowly started to drift upwards. There was applause, cheering, and some oohs and aahs from the audience at the unexpected beauty of it. Then Brian's colours flared out.