All Comments on 'Riptide'

You weave your words and I am lost in the sounds, the visuals. I felt her dread of the water, her despair and helpless inertia. You wrung my emotions dry. Thank you for the beautiful story. Randi

What experiences lead you to portray such bleak and ominous scenes so well? Thank you for the voyage.

When I read your stories, I can see everything in my mind. Your descriptions are so clear, so real, the story becomes very real. I could actually feel the fear she had of the water and of Nick. Even a merry man would have to give this high marks! Great job!

Terrifying, realistic, gut-wrenching. Six stars easily.

5 Stars are nowhere near enough! Just WOW!!!

Nobody can delve into the depth of a character like you can. Gut wrenching tension through the entire story. Thank you GITM for your incredible story.

Thank you GITM. You are fabulous !!!!!! 5* of course.

Tears. Cheers. And a fantastic finish.

Thank you!

All I can say is mighty fine story and truly captivating. Fine job.

Well done,as are all of your stories. Full marks.

The story was well written in a technical sense and had an interesting plot. The only issue I had with it is that the main character was so stupid that I just didn’t care what happened to her. She just seemed pathetic.

Weak women controlled by their feelings. I think I avoid them. As a guy, I find the whole damsel in distress unattractive, yet found myself pulling for this one.

Not a bad tale. Couple of things would have made it a better read for me; Supporting characters (mom and Paul) felt tacked in. The weak will of your main character was overplayed.

Still it was pretty good.

Complex, interesting, surprising. A sister as the locus of evil. Outstanding storytelling, as usual. Much to be learned here.

Nick was no angel, but his self serving agenda was admirable in contrast to big sis from hell Ruby insofar as at least being upfront. Really enjoyed how GITM wove in widely varying degrees of faimly dysfunction into plot. I would have liked to have had a reveal scene that showed how Ruby acquired the deadly wherewithals that had her sacrificing narrator sans hesitation.

Bottom Line : Nothing new in the end … to hunger for just a bit more of 5 star word buffet which is GITM's seeming effortless par. The honesty can be too much and yet too little for wordsmiths at her level.

Full marks *****

but when Posiedon assumes control there is no direction. TK U MLJ LV NV

Ruby is about the most psychotic and evil character on the site - right up there with Winterfrog's Dragon mother-in-law. Superbly written story and fascinating plot. Well done.

First off Ruby had been hospitalized more than once by Nick. Secondly Nick made Presley get on the boat and informed her that she was about to be raped and would enjoy it by the time he was done. When she hit scumbag with the liquor bottle it was self defense in anybody's book. The only crime she was guilty of is not reporting it when they got back to shore. If she had of done that she wouldn't have even gotten probation. I am glad she faced her fears and got a loving man to complete her life.

Well written. Good storyline.

There is no doubt about that. This was one of your Dark Enchantress weavings of suspense and mesmerism. It was a great plot and you had great characters. This is so far above the usual that you deserve nothing less than five stars. It's a real thrill to get to read one of your stories. I hope we see another from you soon.

I love your writing, and this story was no exception. But...you did not address why a decent attorney could not have succeeded with a self-defense plea. Yes, she helped conceal a crime--he sister's. But it would not be a felony, and she would be able to adopt her nephew--unlike your story when as a convicted felon she probably could not do.

I know I've said that before but every time I read one of your great stories, I'm reminded of it again and again. 5*s all the way.

GIM, your stories are definitely an acquired taste, and I have acquired a strong taste for more. Love your characters and writing. I have read the last three, and now I have to go back and read them all. Thanks

What a fine wordsmith you are!

Chilley

Welcome back with another great offering. Loved the characters and the plot and how it unraveled at the end. I liked how the fear of water remained central to Presley's overall arc right to the end when she conquered it

A very entertaining story.

Amazing talent you have. With only a few sentences you easily develop characters. Never letting facts get in the way of a good story is something only the best writers can do 👉 GirlintheMoon.

The plot was an exciting, anxiety filled race. Would Ruby win, would her sister??

Thanks for the good story.

AMerryman

P.S. One of many......HA, HA, Ha.......

Terrific story and so well written. 5 stars

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 👍up

Well played GITM, well played indeed.

You wont find a boilerplate rendition of this aqua-tale.

You can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family...so true in this sad story

What they all said. Just one question: Do you give lessons? Writing, I mean?

Perhaps the finest wordsmith writing in LW today. GITM never disappoints. I am so fucking jealous of your skill. Thanks for another captivating story.

A great story! Very original but also quite believable.

What an incredibly awesome story! Holy Shit that was powerfully emotional. I'm going,to pass that on to my daughters who are both writers. THANK YOU for such a great story! If you haven't got the gist of,my comment yet, I LOVED IT, and I,think you're an awesome writer!

AustinDaniels

I'm grateful that the event exposed me to your writing. Riptide was an excellent story. I look forward to reading more of your work.

GITM,

Thanks for another wonderful story and great writing.

x

Fantastic! Extremely well written.

GITM, you are a writer in every sense of the word. You have a rare ability that few are given. I don't always like your stories, but when I do like them, I really love them. This was one I loved so much. Great characters, real story, suspense, and a solid ending. A few surprises too, to keep me guessing. You have a devoted follower in me now. I look forward to your next posting.

Presley was brave, Presley was afraid. Presley was a helper, Presley was an enabler. Presley was wise, Presley was stupid. Presley was weak, Presley was strong. Presley could see through the facade, Presley was blind. Presley was a victim of attempted rape, Presley was a convicted accessory to murder. Presley was deathly afraid of the ocean, Presley loved the ocean.

Would you please make up your fucking mind? Ludicrous.

All Presley had to do was excuse herself to the bathroom and call the police and Paul before Nick took her out to the boat. And Nick supposedly knew that his wife and Bruno were trying to have him killed, and he kept the bitch? And the bitch couldn't extract herself from a totally abusive marriage, but she had the brains and nerve to arrange for Nick's murder?

It is a great plot idea, but I got distracted by Presley's constant costume changes: weak, strong, blind, perceptive, coward, heroine, sinker, swimmer, fucking etc.

You get a good rating because the story idea is that good. You failed Presley, as she will eventually fail Paul and Aedan, unless she doesn't. Who the fuck can know?

And how come we never learn what her relationship is with her father? She never talked to him about her sister's fucked up life and marriage? She never sought his assistance? Just one more hole in the story.

And I get, maybe, the conspiracy conviction based on the taped confession to kill Nick, but how does Presley get convicted of murder defending herself from kidnapping and rape? Hell, there's no body, no weapon, and no credible witness. For all the police know its all an elaborate life insurance scam that Nick is part of.

You scored on the concept, but you failed on the particulars. Thanks for the effort.

GITM, my anonymous comments can’t mean much when weighed against those I’ve read from so many of the other great authors on this site that have extolled your amazing writing skills.

Still, I want you to know that I have read the LW site nearly every day for the past 3 years (get another friggin’ hobby, right?) and have probably read every 3.5+ story in the entire LW lexicon, always hoping for the rare gem that truly moves me. I love many authors here and am excited that some of my favorites continue to participate in Randi’s events. Hopefully, more of you will continue posting more regularly - 3 or 4 times a year is simply not enough.

If forced to rank, however, you are my #1. Your characters are complex, sometimes contemptible, but deeply felt, and your storylines are the most original on the site.

Please, please, PLEASE continue to post, and more often. The rare day when a GITM story arrives is truly a fantastic day. I waver between putting everything aside to immediately devour it or torturing myself by saving it until the latest possible moment, knowing it will be a hell of a wait until the next fantastic day.

Seriously, you should be getting paid for work of this caliber, this quality.

I am blown away. It's all here - love, hate, fear, suspense, surprise, all the emotions.

The story grabs you from the first paragraph and pulls you until the end. And the ending rings true with hope mixed with the tragedy that came before. It is a fitting ending. Thank you for this gem!

R.

How else could you write a story that so filled me with dread I was afraid to scroll further (newspeak for "turn the page") but couldn't wait to see what happened next? You're awe-inspiring but demoralizing, at least to anyone who aspires to write well.

Chur mean as story.

Chur mean as story all the other "pros" said evrythng else.

... Really can't remember ever reading a story that so captured the feeling of phobia as this one.

But that was cold blooded. Harsh. Scary. Somehow it's just too much for a site like this one. No doubt you can write a whale of a tale. I've spent a lifetime in the Ocean and I have great respect for it's power and what lies beneath. You did a great job of describing some people's irrational fear of the sea. Yet, if you've never felt the power of the sea, your words brought that power to life. Well played. But even though you tried to put a "feel good" ending to this, the darkness won.

I had to sit back for a couple of days after reading this story in order to ponder what it is I find so fascinating about GirlintheMoon's stories. She writes well, as do many authors on this site, but she manages to draw you into the story instead of just watching it from a distance.

My first thoughts were on just how normal her characters were, flawed, but sensitive and wracked with conflicting emotions as we all are. There are mistakes made, people hurt and all too real consequences ensue. To delve into that reality so well takes a great amount of empathy and contemplation. The end result is that when something believably horrifying does happen to her character, you fall down that well of despair with them.

I can't help but think it must not be easy to write as honestly as this. There are no heroes or easy answers to tie every plot point up in a neat bow for a happy ending. That's why I look forward to GirlintheMoon stories. They are more than just good writing, the words in them have the weight of sincere effort and emotion to them.

One of my 5 favorite writers on this site. You never disappoint.

A husband Nick holding a child under water so he drowns and almost dies and requires a CPR is a crime. It is a God damn fucking crying. It doesn't make a difference if the mother is drunk or not but hates his sister. the sunt should have called the cops

at that point the storiy is over. I have no idea what happenes in t the rest of the story I don't care. You don't let parents attempt to kill the children in front of you and not do anything. You just don't do that

Awful

And amazingly well written. There are questions in the story about Presley, how she can watch her nephew nearly get drowned by Nick and walk away, how she can see her sister beaten and hurt time and again and not try to do anything about it (I found it interesting the one commenter was enraged by the kid nearly drowning but totally ignored that Nick was routinely beating Ruby, guess wife beating doesnt rate as enraging). The only thing I can think of is Presley because of her own fucked up family doesnt trust anyone and thus doesnt tell the father what was happening, doesnt call child services when Nick nearly drowns the kid, doesnt even try to get her to leave Nick....but ends up enabling it, thinking that is family. The reality is there are people like Presley, who for whatever reason has paralysis when it involves family. Her phobia of the ocean is likely a metaphor for being drowned by her sister/family, she can't pull clear the way she couldn't get free of the ocean.

One weakness in the story was that it would be highly unlikely they would charge Presley with murder or accessory to it, even as corrupt and stupid Jersey shore law enforcement can be, they would not see presley as an accomplice. They would charge her with not reporting it, though being as it was her sister abd there was a pattern of abuse they likely would have her cop to a lesser charge (which the story implies,2 years probation is not a sentence a felony would get her).

The real power in the story is Presley ends up owning herself, she is able to learn to trust, to take power in herself and get rid if that which haunted her.

GITM, you seriously should try writing professionally. There is a lot of high selling drivel out there that this writing has beat by a country mile, I'd bet you could create a niche for yourself, maybe haunting romances? (Hell,would rather read something you wrote than anything the Bronte sisters wrote...)

I wanted so badly to give this 5 stars, and it was so well-written....but Presley was fleshed out as such a pathetic, weak-willed character with a shattered moral compass and a relentless penchant for self-sabotage, it was easy to despise her.

You do realize that no children were actually harmed in the making of this story, right? Everyone knows it's a crime and an inhuman thing, okay? Nick was a subhuman, and that's what subhumans do. Did you want GITM to have him petting fluffy bunnies to show how evil he was? Rescue a few kittens, give bone marrow to cancer patients? How are you going to show that he's a worm who needs to be hit in the head with a bottle if you don't have him do despicable things?

What's the use of saying "this character should have done this or that?" They didn't, and that's why there's a story. If Nick hadn't been a sub-human child abuser and rapist, if she hadn't been terrified of him, if there were no darkness in the story, it wouldn't have been worth reading. There is no celebration of that loathsome behavior here, as is so common in these stories. It was portrayed as loathsome.

She overcame her fear and beat the bastard's head in with a bottle, in self-defense, then had to deal with that trauma. It was excellently done, and you should see that.

...coming, in spades, as you so well illustrated.

Some monsters live on and haunt us, most end up the product of their monstrosity....the consequence being they are “weeded out” of the garden plot.

When our horror at the acts of a monster fail to generate a corrective response, we are no longer human, but monsters ourselves.

Thank you.

Great story! I do prefer a happy ending.

When I was about 5 I nearly drowned on vacation twice. Thank god my brother and random stranger saved me. Took me awhile to get back to the water. But I learned to swim and respect the water’s abilities.

I wonder how the story would have went if she would have taken Paul with her that night?

🤘

While ice fishing when I was 12. I didn’t panic, it was night and I had a hard time finding the opening and got lucking that the fish hooks caught in my clothes. My brother and his friend grabbed to poles and tried to reel me in and I found it before running out of air. Still love the water but t I get why Presley had her phobia. Thanks for a great story

....Was a swift kick in the balls after Presley whacked Nick with the bottle! ;-)

Dark, intense, flawed protagonist, dysfunctional family -- what's not to love about this story?

Thanks very much for a superb, if troubling, tale!

with a ray of sunlight at the end.

This one had to be hard to classify. I wish there was a category for erotic drama, as it was, it could easily have been non-erotic as loving wives. Presley comes off as fragile and uncertain of herself, with her moral compass constantly being assailed by Ruby, but she manages to keep her bearings and do the right thing.

I do have one bone to pick, though. When she hit Nick with the bottle, he was attempting to rape her. I doubt any prosecutor would have attempted to prosecute her for defending herself. Give her fear of the water, she certainly would not have chosen an open boat in open water for a confrontation and murder.

Still, really good character development.

4* due to big plot hole.

thanks, girl. you're getting better all the time.

IThis was a great read. The tension caused by the relationship Presley had with Ruby made me uncomfortable, but I guess that was the authors intent. 5*

5 Stars!!

story but as far as I can see she killed him in self defense.

This is in a class of its own. Brava Girlinthemoon.

This wonderful story had my heart beating fast and furious. Well done

You write a combination of poetry and prose. Always riveting. You were one of the authors that took on this theme and delivered on the theme and wrote a good story. Just added you to my favorite authors.

GirlintheMoon

This was a good story. Thank you. As I read, I felt like I was one of the characters or I was living it.

**************************************************************

Harryin VA,

I live in California and even the Department of Child & Family Services (DCFS) occasionally lets parents kill their children. We’ve got two cases of it happening in the news right now. So even when DCSF has been called 19 times by neighbors, the school and other family members the children get turned back to their abusive mothers and boyfriends. Unforgivable, -YES, Improbable, -NO

This is a terrific story with beautiful use and language and vivid imagery.

Just excellent!

The intense opening drowning description established a level of tension that didn't abate until the cavalry arrived. I recoiled a bit at the threatened rape sequences though. I don't have much of a stomach for sexual violence anymore. I was actually relieved when Presley killed Nick. Great story. You really got into Presley's head. Very gifted. Many thanks. *****

Wow! More a psychological thriller than Loving Wives story but 5 * anyway.

That was very well written and a powerful psychological thriller. I'd love to know why Ruby hated Presley so much, but sometimes not knowing is even better. Bravo.

I usually like to take sides and find someone in a story I can identify with and can root for. Everyone here was so defective that I got through the story one because I was curious how the author would pull it together at the end. Even Paul was a first class jerk for putting up with a woman who obviously didn't trust him to help. She had to know that a long term relationship based on lack of trust just won't work. period! I sympathize with Presley and her water trauma, but that doesn't excuse her for the stupidity in her tolerance of Ruby's clear animosity. I think Presley got away with more than she deserved with the two years probation and Paul has saddled himself with someone who will need a lifetime of therapy to survive in this world. I can only hope that the Aeden character survives. 4* because it was creative and well written.

a story by you because your writing draws me in until I find that I've become the most threatened or abused character. Always takes me a while to recover. Damn, you're such a powerful writer!

I liked this story, but I was a little uncomfortable with the characters. I didn't like any of them very much. All the same it was a good story. Think I'll read another.

I was really glad to read this because it gave me more to think about on an emtional level rather than a sexual you.

Also I loved the act that the deeper in it got, the less ssex I wantedto read. I wanted Presly to be saved and loved and without rape! I really velt like it was going that way, really glad it did.!

GirlintheMoon

I have to say that your story gave me the creeps....in a good way! It would make a terrific short horror movie. Great feeling of menace and suspense. Cheers!

From the dark side of the girl in the moon

Nick's hand would have closed around her as she was pulled under to join him forever

I'm supposed to be in a conference call, but I couldn't stop reading this. I faked wifi problems. Captivating plot and well-developed storyline. Her inner dialogue was true artistry in words. Thank you for sharing your talents.

please explain how this is a Loving Wife story?!? Seriously lol

She cheated with Bruno on her loser husband. This is a great story!

Well written and really drew me in. My attention span is short, but I enjoyed every word of this one. I have to give it *5 for a really great read.

Powerful story, I was riveted for the whole thing. Five Stars!

Presley is a codependent basket case with big time self esteem. Issues. She had a terrible mother and a sociopath for a sister. She saw Nick try to drown her nephew and she doesn't call the cops. Her sister is beaten and she doesn't call the cops. She knows exactly what kind if life her nephew had and she never goes to the cops. I get she is damaged but she is a disaster. Why Paul would want any of that is beyond me. She may not be a sociopath like her sister but she is incredibly dumb.

Wonderful story, keep it up

You're in rarefied air on this site. Any lack of sex is completely irrelevant - this is just excellent writing.

It's time to go on a GirlintheMoon binge read!

This is without a doubt one of the best stories on Literotica. The writing is just great. I felt like a was reading a novel. This story is like a modern version of Rebecca.

Life in prison? Ruby, and Bruno was released in 2020 for good behavior, and covid 19 fears by the state of New York. Say thank you Govnor Cuomo.

Wow - can't understand how this doesn't have a higher score. This story is worthy of Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine. Well done - 5 stars and thanks.

sorry does not float my boat..the writer is a delusional bitch and Paul is looking at years of misery...this is worse then a soapopera....the MC needs to be put under psychiatric evaluation ! And so does the writer..U americans take your pTSd s and ass ds too seriously allowing quack psycologists and psyciatrists to make too much money and too many people remains zoned out on xanax!

A decent story but wrong category, as well as wrong site. Two stars.

WOW You can write. THANKS.

My God your an artist ! Compelling , dramatic , suspenseful and expertly written with melodramatic flair ! 5 big uns

My favorite GITM LW story. She is another of the OG LW authors who is a true artist with words. This one packs a punch yet again.

You are a terrific writer

A really compelling story. Not sure why the main character couldn't have plead self-defense and PTSD from her previous water experience. Nick had just told her he was going to assault her and she defended herself. Her only real crime was not reporting the incident promptly to the police. Think there needed to be greater revelations concerning what made Nick so bad. Not sure why Bruno wrote murderer on Presley's car; what was the motivation?

in any case, a well written story.

Have to agree that this does probably not belong in the loving wives category but ... who cares?

Excellent story, enjoy your writing style. It's different than so many others, how the characters tell their innermost thoughts. We readers really get to know the characters.

Not my kind of story. Our MC I feel was out to be quite helpless yet she was called upon with regularity to help her poor sister deal with an abusive husband while it seems the sister really didn't want her help or just wanted to use her. But I'm just an old man that requires a bit more clarity between what's right and wrong. The again thinking back on our MC's guilt feelings, how must she be feeling about sending her sister to prison?

Brilliant writing, chilling story. I don't want to be realistic, but fear that it is. I join those who disagreed with the Russian and Chinese judges and scored it 5.0.

Anyone that defends Nick and thinks he shouldn't have been put out with the garbage are themselves worthless human beings.

However there was just too much unsaid, why would the MC spend so much time with a sister and BIL that were so clearly horrible human beings (even before you find out she hates her sister and planned the demise of Nick). Most normal people would have gone NC with that family well before it got to murder, most normal people wouldn't go anywhere near someone they've had to stab with anything, and Nick, if he were such a controlling monster, wouldn't have allowed her anywhere near either.

Still, aside from the holes and the lack of background info it was an interesting story that was well written.

Would be interesting to see the story from Ruby's side.