All Comments on 'Rise of the Warlock Ch. 02: Peace'

I do like the story but you might think about better indicators when you jump from one character to another. It was a little hard to follow at times.

"Defer" not "differ"

Needs a comma now and again to clarify what a couple phrases refer to (yes, a dangling participle,but clear). You have really done great in telling a story concisely that is compelling and clear.

As noted before, changing point of view between characters and changing from 1st to 2d to 3d person requires careful depictions in writing. Your story helps get the reader back on track, but a little more care can avoid confusion.

You are largely successful, and drawing me into your universe, 5* - keep it up!

you have a great story going but your writing seems very... sloppy. Alot of missed letters and wrong words and the plot could be fleshed out to make more sense. not to mention the whole sex scene at the end felt like it lacked A LOT of emotional context and felt almost rushed in some ways.

its hard for me to really give you good pointers but the simplest thing to do is to compare your story to some of the toprated ones and you should notice the difference.

That aside, you can benefit alot from an editor and keep up the good work!

But it is a great story and looking forward to the next chapter and those beyond. Keep it up.

Ch2 is seeing some character development and next we need greater plot enhancement.

You do need to watch the little things ie does Schultz river un to or from the lake?

Will be interested to see how the "black mail" to take on Averys enemies works out.

I'd expect a Mage of his standing to call the bluff.

Mmm we will see keep it coming has potential

djb

I like the world you're building. Kind of wished you'd given us a head up about the incest though.

-V

Thanks for all the comments and sorry for the wait though it will be a little longer. Sadly lifehas gotten it they way so I have some of the next chapter partial finished it still needs some work before I decide to release it.

Im loving the start of the series. Good main character, premise, and sex-plot balance.

Would be better without the incest and use tags to warn the readers