All Comments on 'Road Trip'

Your comment about English not being your native language was understandable after I finished reading this. Although your writing is very good, there were definitely certain usages which were foreign to a native speaker. Overall, however, you don't have anything major to worry about.

Just a couple of points which seemed a bit incongruous - a three-bedroomed RV is huge, and worth an awful lot of money. From your description, the narrator has never driven one before. Even if he had, it is absolutely inconceivable that Jake's father would let someone he doesn't know drive this vehicle without a fairly long familiarisation drive. It's also highly unlikely that the owner's insurance for an RV would cover an unnamed driver, let alone one who's so young. For example, many motor vehicle policies have restrictions or excesses on drivers under 25, and insurance on RVs is often even stricter.

And a total novice driver getting a blowjob while driving such a rig at highway speed on an open road? Sorry, but that, even as a fantasy, ranks as one of the dumbest ideas ever. It doesn't matter how "exciting" it might be if you and the people in the other cars all die as a result of your losing control.

...truth or dare! Trite and overly used.

What a wonderful first story. It certainly sets the foundation for more. And yes the comments above regarding the RV are on target, but don't let that stop you. I think also that the story could have stopped at the end of the orgy leaving open what happens next.

OK, we get it. Giselle is black. You don't need to mention that she's ebony every time you mention her.

Definitely want more to this story. Maybe even a series?

Great story! As someone else mentioned, there are a couple of strange phrases in your English, but other than that I couldn't tell that it wasn't your first language. I think calling Giselle "an ebony" might be one of those translation things. It comes off a little strange, but didn't bother me. The RV guy might be technically correct, but there's always some suspension of disbelief in reading porn stories, so I wouldn't worry too much about that either. Can't wait to see what happens at the party! Thanks!

Story held my attention most of the time. I

It seems as if the teller was smirking the whole time. And being very young these characters also were very experienced for 16 and 17 year old kids.

For a first time author, you did an excellent job. Plenty of hot, sexy action, and well-described as well.

This was an ambitious first story, I thought you did quite well, considering your familiarity with English. I think you should consider using an editor if you consider writing another chapter(s) to this tale.

This was awesome, I didn't want it to end so abruptly