by Angiesteve69
by a gifted young Sri Lankan guy, 18 to 22. His hero, Jason, is like lots of boys an enthusiastic mommy-lover, to the point that, when he's around his mother, his young cock gets so hard it's practically busting out of his pants. I'm glad that AS69 is turning his mind and imagination to the delightful topic of sweet motherfucking. Looking forward eagerly to the next installment from this talented writer who knows that a boy's penis and his mother's vagina are made for each other.
I enjoyed the story and look forward to the next chapter. The premise is good and the flow is slow and building. I don't want to sound disparaging or overly critical but it is obvious English is not your first language, maybe an editor would help there, but by no means should you quit. I may not be the best judge of your style and grammar, it's just the way I see it. I don't mean to offend, keep on writing.
Give Jason a bit of chest hair for mom to see and touch when he removes his shirt!
Not bad. You might have sacrificed some tension when she confesses that she wants him, too, though indirectly you have already indicated that she is attracted to him by her willingness to kiss him like she would a lover. Yes, your English needs some work but we can edit it as we read. That's a tribute to your skill as a young writer. We wouldn't bother with someone less talented. I will look for your next installment when he gives her the solid fucking she deserves.
Captures actions and feelings of many young men. Most have desire but not courage to admit to mom. When it happens it is a wonderful thing.
Don't listen to negative comments. This could be a very hot, sexy series. Keep writing...
A 5 star starter and build up.. Putting the senses on high alert.. Then leave everyone waiting for the next chapter...
Would be a great story but certainly wasnt proof read.Also time lines such as events happening dont match up.Very confusing.
This scenario has been exhausted on Literotica, nothing original in the story whatsoever. Sorry but it's the truth.
Loved every line of it. Very tender and smouldering along erotically
Please do not let the two people discourage you from finishing this story. Was well told and written. Please continue !
keep it up its not that common to have a story on literotica with a TRUE plot line most it just builds up to the sex and then done and doesn't truly continue on past the sex
Are you Indian? Not that I have any complaint, but I seem to detect that from your expressions.
GREAT MOTHER-SON STORY......JUST HAVE ALOT OF ERRORS IN IT JUST WATCH OUT FOR THOSE.........
Great start to a multichapter story. Looking forward to reading chapter 2 and hope you keep it going.
How disgusting. A mind is a terrible thing to waste. With such a good imagination, how sad that you can't write a paragraph without misspelling three or four words.
Next time? There will be no next time for me, I tortured myself enough by finishing this first piece of drivel. Maybe it's time you learned the English language , grammar and spelling if you insist on continuing to write. Maybe this would go better if you tried Punjabi.
I would suggest an editor, because spell check sometimes doesn't catch it all. Plus spell check won't catch misused words or grammatical issues.
I, for one, wasn't interested in a misspelled word search. I was reading for a great story of romantic and sexual content, and you sure nailed it. Too bad your other readers have never had a fun life. Sorry, but the ratings only stopped at 5. So did I.
Keep on writing, keep your eye on the story and leave the fly specks for the pedantic to enjoy.
Best Regards, Richard (Dick)
Your use of grammar is appalling
Obviously you are not a Caucasian
So please learn how to write correctly or get someone to proof read
I wonder how many of these ever-present, loud mouthed, vitriolic critics, who must all be related since they share the same name; Anonymous, would have the balls to even consider writing, then publishing a story in a language not their own, much less English. I can probably count them all on my third hand. I applaud this writer's effort and look forward to more. A trusted fellow student, native Engish speaker might be pleased to help.
With all the other clowns and remarks about English, you did very well, and expect you improve as you keep writing! As you have seen, even Americans have a hard time expressing themselves in English! So waiting for more with Mom, Grandma, Sisters, Aunts lol the hole family! :)
Yes, there were a few misspelled words and some minor grammar errors. But as a whole this is a hot story. The one thing which bothers me the most is, not just this story but most stories, the over use of 36DD (or larger) boobs. What the fuck is wrong with a pair of 34B or 36B tits. 36C is not a bad size either.
What can anyone say about this story?? Absolutely, believeably adorable and awesomely very romantic! All the stars have aligned for mother Jessica and son Jason to profess love, adoration and souls to each other. Absolutely romantic, heart warming and exceedinly feel-gooood message, characters and their roles to their confessed incestual love and feelings for each other!
I like story and will read more. Is good, not hot yet but I expect it to go there.
I agree completely with the other who commented on the DD tits. Those would be huge and not attractive to most men. Why not 34B or C or even a D cup is big on a smallish woman. 36's are even nicer.
Spoken by a single man who outlived two wives...with nice big C cup tits, and was with another couple dozen women in my life..and in general the few huge titted ones were not very good in bed. One of the best I'll admit was a woman with 34A cup but nuclear tipped nipples!! Really!
Write on.
Not bad but I do agree on that you need to get an editor/beta to help with the dialogue. Don't give up, but at the same time try to find someone online to help.
You need to really learn how to go from using functional English to using Literary English. After reading this chapter I looked at your bio and saw that my initial thoughts about the dialogue in your story were correct, English is not your primary. I suggest that you take at least two or more classes in English Literature before you try writing anything else.
You have a great beginning for a story line, but the dialogue is very important and critical, especially in a multi-chapter story such as this, Please don't take this as anything other than "Constructive Criticism" because I believe that you're off to a great start. In the meantime, good luck.
Your post is good but it could have been more eye a
pealing,because most men want raw fucking. We don't care about dinner and date we want sex,hense the reason this is called lirotica. It all about sex.
He has basic education, no skills, no job, no interest in a degree at uni, doesn't read, borrows her car and the allowance she gives him to take her to dinner, spends his day as a layabout or playing video games, with a less than rudimentary command of English.
No offense. I like the story, but it is painfully obvious that you are Indian or Hindi. It would be a very HOT story if you wrote it that way. I will continue reading till the end. Just a word of advice.
Is it just me or wouldn't reminding your mother of when she was a mother to a young one be a bad thing in this case. You would be reminding her to be a mother first and a lover second
You need help with your writing skills, and definitely some editing help.
I really loved your story I hope you continue in a series of Jason and Jessica stories because I enjoyed the mother son relationship
Why I didn't notice this sooner this was on par with those renown works of incest author here.
Honestly great story, I personally don't mind the grammar, those who are looking out specifically for that and are turned away from stories solely because of it, don't deserve to read good stories. I have already read machine translated novels in the past and got through that torture, just because I loved the story and there wasn't an official translation out yet.
Either way, situation is great, but a bit cliche. Dialogs are also not very original and seem quite dry to me without much substance behind them - doesn't feel realistic and breaks immersion. Didn't get to the hot part yet, but will finish the story before posting another review unless I stop midway ;-)
Writing is not easy and I hope you keep on writing good stories for us to read ^^