All Comments on 'Romeo and Tre Ch. 05'

You desperately need an editor. It could be a good story, but you're not developing it that well. The chapters should be longer so you can develop your characters better. As of now, it (the story) seems to just jump all over the place. For example, just coming out of nowhere and saying that Jacob is abusive? There should've been some build-up for that. Something that gave the reader an idea that he could be abusive. And the moment(s) leading up to Tre and Romeo having sex could've been way better.

I hope you get better as you continue writing, but this is where I have to stop reading. Good luck though!

You desperately, desperately NEED an editor, it comes across like a 5 year old writing this.

Yes you need an editor. This story if you can call it that is rushed, there's no build up of any of the characters, it jumps from one scene to the next which is sometimes a month or so later with no indication at all, a simple mark like xxxx between to break it would help, there was also no indication of Jordan being an abusive asshole, which all of the writers on here seem to think black men are and I'm tired of that stereo type. Candy is an ignorant wimpy idiot for staying with him pregnant or not. It's no life to bring a child in to and if he hits the mother he will hit the child. 1*

The Tre and Romeo story is sweet so far but underdeveloped. There is no emotional connection - between the two characters or for the audience. Their first sex scene should have been descriptive and passionate but it was flat. And Jacob is a complete asshole - homophobe, bully, mean prick who mistreats his lady and beats her up because he’s a stupid fuck that forgot to use a confirm. She needs to get away from him - he’s a jackass!