by jackalpup
the poor spelling detracts from the story otherwise a good effort.
not much to say other than I enjoyed your storie, mostly because of some of my younger experiences Thank you Again
i loved the story, similar to my experience when i was younger
Bi-Mom
... you really need to get an editor. That would take care of your mistakes and make the story hotter. Keep writing.
Like others have said, you need to improve your editing skills. Otherwise, I really enjoyed this story. It was very intense and erotic without sounding trashy, especially considering the genre.
Short and sweet, but very nice. I do love your stories. Thanks for posting!
I hate to pile on, but the glaring need for editing made it very hard to enjoy what would, otherwise, have been an excellent short story.
Reading other peoples comments, i can't say the thought that this story needed to be edited come to mind. I personally thought the only thing that needed attention was the way in which it all happened... he was telling jokes and all of the sudden they were into it... Maybe just elaborating on those particular sections... But all in all... it was a good story... i really enjoyed reading it!
I loved the story, truly I did, but maybe next time you could add more details and longer sentences in order to stretch it out a bit more. (?) Really liked it though ^^