All Comments on 'Rough and Sweet'

Some things I noticed upon reading it are just common mistakes (nothing to feel bad about). For instance, in the first paragraph, "makes it seem real." opposed to... what? What you probably meant was something like "makes it seem more real than anything else previously in your life."

Some elements of a story can be said to be a writer's "style," If that is the case then many people would probably overlook something like that.

Another aspect I saw a couple of times was micro-detail. Just my own term for what I see. The funny thing about micro detail is sometimes it's okay, but mostly it isn't. Here's an example:

"I take a deep breath, hold it in for a few seconds and let it all go"

You might think it is good, but to me at least, it comes across as too verbose (micro detail). Did you have to say how long it was held? To answer that, just take it out and see if it stands on it's own.

"I take a deep breath, hold it and (then) let it all go"

You tell me, better?

I'm hardly pure and make mistakes like that all the time which is why I notice them, all the more.

"I took my left hand and put it on my right knee, then put my right hand on the stirrup and applied 5lbs of pressure to lift myself up to a 90 degree angle"

(a gross exaggeration. but, to me, it would flow better and read easier to say)

"I hauled myself upright in the saddle"

Now here is where micro detail, sometimes, is nice; when the action happens.

What they say "we made love and then it was morning."

Noooo. give us the details, come on! heh

the rest of it read pretty good, the action seemed pretty well described, but I was a little disappointed by it's brevity (only one page?) Characterization was pretty good too. You didn't just jump straight into the sex which rates highly in my book. You prepared the meal, offered entrees, and after the meal was served, you presented the dessert! ses bon!

A parting mention would be to sort of try to kinda stay away from the stuff that sorta isn't as definitive as it kinda sorta needs to be, or else be prepared to write more to explain why it is only "kinda, sorta." Okay?

I gave you a 5 for the story and content which is why I read not to check spelling!! Get a life dear annony you asshole

To hold your breath for a short time is not noteworthy, to hold your breath for a long time is noteworthy.

Detail when it matters.

They are not paying you by the word here.

Well written storyline by this new girl, even if was unable ti inhale her girly scent on her panties. Maybe you should have left them on Mara....IamWandering

It appears these fuck buddies really enjoy sex with each other. Where does it go from here, though? Will a relationship develop, or will they just be fuck buddies forever?

Fill us in with a second chapter.

Mara,

I savored every word of your story. Your expression of sexual desire, tension, and satisfaction was excellent. I enjoy your writing style and to be honest I was so engrossed in your story that I could not spot any flaws if there were any. I'm hoping you write more erotic stories like this one very soon.

Ric

Very nice first story. A couple of odd syntax issues, but still flowed well.

...Will you marry me? :+)))

It's been several years but please come back and write more!