Rough Draft: Twisted Ink

She was still the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Her eyes were welling with tears and her little white lips trembled. God, I'd done this to her. I'd hurt her like this. Yeah, she'd hurt me too, but I should have explained what was going on to her. I should've made her listen to me. We stood there staring at each other for several minutes.

Finally she spoke. "I heard Zach. How is he?" She asked.

"He's wonderful," I said with a small smile. It seemed to happen when I talked about my son. He was such a perfect, little person. He was a goofball. Definitely had my sense of humor.

"That's good. Real good," she said in broken voice. God, she was beautiful. Even in this kind of pain she was absolutely exquisite. "How have you been?"

"Ok. Focused on making this a smooth transition for Zach and working. Not a lot of time for anything else," I told her. She nodded. "How about you?" It was a stupid question. I knew the answer.

"I've been better," she said and smiled ruefully. That was an understatement. Conversation, that used to come so easily to us, ran out. We stood awkwardly silent for a few more moments. "I should get going," she said and gave a sad smile. She turned to her car. Stop her, idiot. Say what you needed to say. My mind was screaming it, but my mouth wasn't listening. She sat down in the car and called, "It was..." she swallowed thickly, "it was good to see you."

All I could do was fucking nod. SAY SOMETHING, IDIOT! She started the car and started backing out. DO SOMETHING! I brought my hand down on the hood of the car. She jumped and slammed on her brakes.

"Get out of the fucking car!" I shouted.

She got out with fury pasted on her face. "What the fuck, Ben!" She hollered. "What is your 'problem'?"

I walked forcefully to her. She scowled at me, but stood her ground. "My problem? My problem is that 'you' are not leaving here until we sort this shit out."

"There's nothing to sort out, Ben. You've moved on. Go. Be a happy little family. Be all of those things you deserve!" she shouted and turned to open her door again. Fuck that. I slammed it closed again. "Get out of my way," she said between clenched teeth.

"No," I said.

"Move, Ben," she demanded. She was so cute when she was mad.

"No, you're not fucking leaving," I told her. "We are going to hash this out, Jennifer."

"Shouldn't you be going home to Heather?" she gritted out. Jesus, this woman was going to drive me insane.

"Goddammit. She's Zach's fuckin' babysitter, Jen. She watches him while I'm at work," I explained, exasperated.

"How convenient for you," she hissed. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I wasn't going to win her back this way. I took another calming breath.

"Jen. Listen to me very carefully, angel. I don't want Heather. Heather is Zach's babysitter and Kyle's new bed buddy. That's all she is. She's good with Zach and she doesn't charge me a lot. Now, not another word about fucking Heather. This is about you and me, baby. This is about how we are gonna start communicating with each other. It's about how 'I' am gonna learn to share things with you. It's about how 'you' are gonna stop running and 'talk' to me. You feel me?" I said calmly. She glared at me, but she nodded. "This is about how you and I are gonna figure out why it is you think you gotta deal with heavy shit on your own, baby." Her lips trembled again and I couldn't stand the distance anymore. I pulled her into me and held her to my chest. It felt like coming home. So right. "This is about how I miss you every day and how I love you," I said into her hair. She released a sob and nuzzled closer to me.

"I've missed you too, so fucking much," she cried softly. "I can't eat, I can't sleep. I feel like I'm fucking drowning."

"Baby," I whispered. "I love you. I love you so, so much. I don't wanna be without you, anymore. You and Zach are the only things that matter to me. I want you back, angel. I want you in my life, in my son's life. I want you in my house, in my bed, baby. I just...I just fucking want 'you'."

She looked up me. Her blue eyes were shining with tears. She lifted onto her toes and pulled my head down and planted her lips on mine. "I want you too," she whispered against me.

"Yeah, angel. Fuckin' yeah."

Ben epilogue

"Happy birthday, dear Zaaacchh. Happy birthday to you."

I watched my two year old son spit at his candles. And this is why Jen said cupcakes.

"I did it, Den-Den!" He squealed at my fiancée. I'd asked her to marry me on New Year's Eve. She agreed before I even got the question out. We hadn't set a date. We were content with waiting a little while.

Jen leaned down and gave tickle kisses to Zach. "You did! You're such a big boy!" My little boy laughed. It was my favorite sound. That and my girl screaming my name."You gonna give me chocolate frosting kisses?" Jen asked Zach. He lifted his little face to her and gave her a chocolate cover lip smack.

My chest ached in the most wonderful way. She was a natural. Zach adored Jen. I'm pretty sure 'she', not his old dad, was his favorite person.

"Livin' the dream, bro?" Jack asked and clapped me on the shoulder. He was looking at Jen interact with Zach, too.

"Man, I don't think I ever believed in God, but that shit right there. That drops me to my knees in gratitude," I answered him without looking away. Jen turned toward us and saw me staring. She sent me her bedroom smile and an air kiss. I grinned like an idiot and sent one back.

"You are definitely a lucky son of a bitch," Jack snorted.

"Me? You could have it all too, bro. Just gotta ask," I turned to him and smirked.

"I am. We're going to Savannah for her birthday. Got it all planned," he said, then looked sick.

"Nervous?" I asked with a laugh.

"Fuck yeah," he sighed.

"Asshat. You know she'll say yes," I snorted and smacked his head. He reached up and punched my arm.

"DADDY!" Zach cried. His little face was twisted in tears. I walked over to him and pulled him out of his chair.

I held him up and looked in his sweet, wet face. "What's wrong, buddy?" I asked him.

"Den-Den won't lemme hab no mower cuppycakes," he pouted. I learned quickly that you couldn't give into the cute little pouts. It was tough, but necessary. I applaud all parents that say 'no' to their children. Ever. One puppy dog pout and your ready to give them whatever their little hearts desire.

"She's right, you've had enough. You didn't eat all of your dinner. You shouldn't have had any," I said as forcefully as I could manage with the tears. He cried harder.

"Nap time," Jen said in a sing song voice from behind me.

"No!" Zach said and slapped in her direction.

"Zachary. No hitting," I reprimanded him and walked my cranky toddler to his mother. "Give mommy a kiss." He reached for her and pecked her cheek.

"What's wrong?" She cooed. He whined and hid his face in her neck. Definitely, tired.

"Tired," I answered for him. Lana cooed and held him for a few more minutes. Things with her were civil. She could still be a raging bitch, but she had stayed sober. She saw Zach Fridays and Saturdays, every week, and was present at every milestone. We even had her and her mother, 'Gran', over for Christmas. It may seem strange to some, but it works for us.

"Go back to daddy," Lana said to our son and passed him back. "Love you."

"Lub you, mama," Zach replied sleepily. I carried him to his room and laid him down in his bed. 'I' wanted to get him a race car bed, Jen said no. She said he needed something with side rails. I said he would be fine, I fell out of the bed as a kid. Jen said that just proved her point.

"Sleep tight, buddy. Daddy loves you," I whispered.

"Lub you, daddy," he said in his little voice. "Lub you, Den-Den. Lub you, Amwa." I looked behind me to see Jen and Anya crowding the doorframe.

"They're nosy. Aren't they?" I looked back at Zach and kissed his round cheek. He nodded and yawned. I straightened and stared down at the most precious thing in my life. Hands wrapped around me and warmth hit my back. "Two. I can't believe it."

"Me either. Isn't it called terrible twos?"

"Hell if I know," I replied and turned. I found my favorite pair of plump lips with my own. "We got a lot of shit to clean up in there. I've never seen so many damn presents."

"Everybody loves him," Jen shrugged. "We need to kill Raine, though," she scowled.

"Oh yeah? Why's that?" I asked, between light pecks all over her face.

"He got Zach play dough and a fire truck that makes noise, 'after' I told him not to."

"We'll just make sure to take it to their house next time. They can deal with dried play dough in the carpet," I smiled conspiratorially.

"You're a naughty man, Ben Allen," she grinned.

"You love it, angel," I said against her lips. "Come get naughty with me?"

"Guests. Hello. Guests at your son's birthday party," she protested. Another fun fact about parenting. When the kid's asleep, use your time wisely. In my case...sex...as much as we can before we hear him on the baby monitor.

"Come on," I whined. Yep, whined. "He's asleep." I leaned in and lowered my voice to a whisper, "I need your pretty pussy, angel. Come on, you know you want it, too." She gave me a sly grin and all but dragged me to our bedroom.

I quickly stripped her down and then myself, like I said...use time wisely. I wanted to get to the good shit fast.

I sat on the bed, rolled on a condom and pulled her down onto me. Her moan made me smile like a maniac.

"I fucking love you," I told her when I was fully inside and kissed her deeply.

"I love you, baby. I need to tell you something, and I figure now would be a good time since you're pretty agreeable with your cock in my pussy."

I loved her dirty mouth. I kissed it again before asking, "What's that, angel?"

"Well. Zach is going to be a big brother," she said unsurely. Wait. What? My brain didn't comprehend. Was Lana pregnant again? How would Jen know that? Then everything turned back on and my eyes went wide. "We forgot to use a condom," she said hesitantly. Jen had been off the pill for a few months. Her rapid weight loss when we were apart caused some kind of potassium problem. I wasn't real sure about why. We'd gone back to condoms, but I remembered a few frenzied times that we forgot.

Jen! Jen was having my baby! After it all set in, I was...deliriously happy. My face split into a grin. "You're gonna have my baby?"

She smiled and nodded. "You're not upset?"

"Fuck no! You're gonna have my fucking baby. I'm the happiest motherfucker on earth!" I laughed and squeezed her to me. "Wait! Does that mean I can take this fucking rubber off?" She giggled and nodded. "And you're tits are gonna get bigger! Best. Day. Ever." Jen giggled an eased off of me.

"I love you, Ben," she smiled and I noticed happy tears in her eyes.

"I love you, hot mama," I laughed and came down over her. "Forever and ever, angel," I whispered and kissed her lips.