All Comments on 'Ruby and Jasmine'

Double ended dildo while standing? Hmm, quite the acrobatic imagination you've got, dude.

Just like the previous comment, there were some things that stretched the imagination. Jasmine orgasmed a lot without even taking off her underwear, and how exactly do two people kiss while scissoring? Other than that, it was very passionately written. I like that it didn't drag on.

emerald eyes, then chocolate eyes... perky breasts and then later on flat chested... sigh, didnt continue to read it...

The tone was good throughout. I liked the building foreplay and the sense of tropical, humid, sweaty sex between two women who unambiguously wanted each other. I liked the creativity and depth of expression displayed too, and that is hard to impossible to teach.

However, while biological impossibilities might seem sexy in fantasies (who wouldn't want the intimacy of kissing a lover while scissoring her?), straining a reader's suspension of disbelief too far in fiction writing takes them out of the story. I'd love to think that I'm hot enough to make a woman cum without physical stimulation, but I'm not and I'd doubt the authenticity of any woman who claims she is.

I've absolutely forgotten to finish stripping a girl in a story before letting her be eaten out, but that's where beta readers will save your ass. They can catch silly errors or help define the line between ideal and superhuman. I'd recommend sending messages to a few readers who favorited or sent positive feedback and ask if they'd read your next story and advise you.

You have all the tools you need to be a good author. This story just wasn't refined far enough to be posted yet.

Clearly the anonymous comment didn't realize the explanation and difference of body structures were describing the two different women... However I do really appreciate the feedback and although most of it is accurate I would like to attest that I am in fact someone who can cum without even having my panties taken off. And it was no accident that she came while being eaten out OVER her panties because I have experienced this first hand, being eaten out over my own panties before, and it was wonderful and one of the most orgasmic experiences of my life. So some of this isn't as far fetched as it seems to be. It just isn't what you experience sex to be. But a lot of it is a reflection of my own experiences... But I'll make sure I refine my work some more because not everyone has a sensitive body, and I understand it needs to be relate-able so thank you!

Simply had to comment despite the time passed and essentially closed account: Intensely erotic, well written piece — erotically immersive. 5 stars for intensity alone. Am enjoying your developing talent as a writer on your new account “CateredContentQueen”. Captivating storylines and characters on both accounts.