All Comments on 'Run For Your Life'

..but the twist - that she was his wife and not some girl he'd picked up - was quite effective.

HDK,

Nice twist at the end. I like the fact that he was more worried about his 4 iron, after what she had done at least he had his priorities straight. Thanks for another good one!

sometime being funny isn't all it suppose to be.what happen after the wife got out and why were you running around your house.so many holes,what up with your writing lately.you one of the best.the western was cool.

You can't trust a woman but a good 4 iron is a friend forever

nice story

I liked your angle, and the very proper ending.

You could have posted this one under humor - the way you narrate the tale and twist it is really funny. I had to read it twice - once to get it and another time for the fun of it. Well done!

I don't know how you think these gems up, but please, keep doing it. This was truly a gem of a tale, and the miserable psychopath should be shot for using a four iron on those rose bushes -imagine the scratches.

I'm glad you were able to use a Beatles song title where the words of the song fit the story. "...catch you with another man, little girl, and that's the end..." However, it was a bit of a stretch that he didn't know the setup of his own house and yard. His wife trying to pretend that she didn't know Jeff was also pretty stupid.

Not just bad. Real bad. Not worthy of this writer.

Thank you for not writing one of those "wimp out" and take her back at any cost stories. Loved the ending!

Great story, and like Blue88 said, the guy was crazy to use a 4 iron on those bushes.

Everyone knows you're supposed to use a chipping wedge in brush. :*D

"‘Skin me, Brer Fox,’ sez Brer Rabbit, sezee, ‘snatch out my eyeballs, t’ar out my years by de roots, en cut off my legs,’ sezee, ‘but do please, Brer Fox, don’t fling me in dat brier-patch,’ sezee."

"Co’se Brer Fox wanter hurt Brer Rabbit bad ez he kin, so he cotch ’im by de behime legs en slung ’im right in de middle er de brier-patch."

Very inventive story - I truly admire your imagination. Nice twist at the end ... didn't see that coming.

Nice quick read to start my day off - Thanks!

Regards, Jack

Author intentionally misleads readers into believing that the main character is a stranger to the circumstances of the story. When his true identity is revealed, his prior actions make no sense at all. Very disappointing.

But thats not enough for a five given your past stories. Wasnt emotional like some of your stories. Wasnt as funny as some of your stories (still some fun stuff). The twist was kinda clever in a JPB kinda way though.

I know you must get sick of writing the same story over and over again (hence your creative plots and unique story lines), but I kinda like your more conventional stories myself. You know, the ones with emotional upheaval and/or complete endings. Point in time stories where you get thrown into the action in the middle and that just end without us knowing everything that happened (why it happened, what happened to the main character, etc) are fine, I just dont think they are as good as more traditional stories (my preference only).

You really are one of my favorite authors on this site and Im always happy when I see HDK in the new stories list. Its probably unfair of me to grade on a curve (i.e. a HDK 5 is not the same as a lesser writer 5) but thats the price you pay for writing such exceptional stories. Thanks for writing.

Now there are always plenty of naysayer's on these kinds of tales. They get upset because they think that they've been deceived. I should imagine Harry will be in with a dig later. They weren't deceived at all, they just didn't spot the subtle hints and inconsistencies or ask themselves the right questions.

Lets face it if a guy goes out of town for a few days and picks up a bit of spare. Most guys with any sense take them back to there own hotel room. You're on your own ground there; there's less chance of any woman screaming rape if she came to your hotel room of her own free will. And there's less chance of hubby or anyone else turning up there, than there would be if you went to her house with her.

There's your clew that something isn't right. Concentrate on what you are reading and other things will jump out at you. "Once a cheat, always a cheat" and there's something about him mentioning the golf club was a three iron. Golf clubs are very personal things and that struck me as odd.

So you missed those little points, well don't take your frustration out by slagging off one of the best authors on this site. Smile that he conned you quite nicely and learn to pay more attention to what you are reading.

Sorry about that, HDK. But these morons really do annoy me. I thought this was brilliant I love trying to predict where the story is going to go. And you had me fooled for a long time with this one. That is until…. Well you know when that was.

DC

Hey I liked the ending quite a lot. This writer's clever surprise ending really redeemed this delightful story for me.

Good Write. Enjoyable Read!

You're a King. It started a little ragged (C'mon HDK, you don't HAVE to know why a strange man is in your house. The mere fact that he is deserves an ass-kicking), but as per your usual, you pulled it off!

Kudos!

I guess everyone understood the story except for anonymous.

That's a hell of a way to find out the wife is cheating on you.

He can't hardly deride her for doing what comes naturally, can he? He just has a too hot woman. Personally, I need one of those. She should be a little more discriminating, though.

I liked the cannonball shot. The court scene musta been alot of fun, too.

Good one, HDK.

not some recycled story that dominates Literotica these days.

Kudos!

Good quality prose. The author's style is compact and makes for an easy read. That's the good part. Now comes the bad part.

The author deliberately misleads us. He uses first person omniscient in the telling of the story but violates the unwritten agreement between author and reader that you cannot lie when you write in that point of view, even by omission. HDK does it to make his point. That's not artistic license, it's bad authorship.

I won't bother analyzing the rest of the literary elements of the piece.

Excellent fiction this is not. This double goose-egg is for you, HDK, for a tale poorly written.

Well, I liked the story. It's certainly uncommon, and I wouldn't want a steady fare of such, but the interesting twist makes for an "O'Henry" sort of ending.

KVK

HDK, you found a new angle on an old theme. Absolutely fantastic! Keep 'em coming, pardner.

About the third paragraph in, I started formulating a story where the guy was fucking his wife and the lover broke in on them, go figure. Who would think up such twisted shit? HDK would, thanks for a little humor in this LW category that so desparatly needs it these days. I admire your work greatly and am awaiting another LYG

I seldom comment twice on a tale but I feel compelled to say something about KVK's comment. If HDK were true to the point of view he used in the story and to the style in which the story was written, when Lisa said, "Would you believe...", Dan's reply would've been, "Sure, honeybunch." And moreover, Jeff would indeed have gotten the wrong house. Now that's an O'Henry ending. ;)

The author tries for a very difficult trick; describing a martial menage a trois with discovered adultery without revealing the roles of the three until the end, with a surprise for the reader. I think you did an almost perfect job. Going back over the story, looking for serious holes, I only found one section that seemed a little out of whack. The entire copulation-to-confrontation-to-cutting out was handled brilliantly; we are missing the de rigeur Literotica indigestible exposition that usually grounds the characters in context, but are instead treated to a spare, lean stream of consciousness narration of surprise, fear, and fighting. Nowhere does the hero commit himself either as a stranger to the house or the husband, though the "old lady" might have been thought of by name. The only real false note is the arrest and incarceration of the hero. The entire sequence reads strangely - why would the police be so very aggressive about arresting and subduing the naked man in a fight, when the other appears the aggressor, is clothed, and is armed? And why doesn't he just announce that he lives there? The only possible explanation would be that the old lady named before decided that her neighbor running around nude was sufficient cause for calling 911?

Other than the arrest, the whole story read smoothly and well. HDK, you're always a fun author to read.

John [Harddaysknight] was kind enough to reply to my comments: "A couple is having sex when the woman hears something. 'My husband must be home!' she cries and the guy gets out of bed and jumps out the window. Only then does he realize he is the husband and he is home.

"That was the joke that inspired the story. Thanks for reading and commenting. I'll try to get one that is more to your liking. Thanks."

I have to underline that my original rating was based upon the story's erotic content, which was minimal. I moved it up a notch because I was thought it was well-handled. As for those who believe a narrator is guilty of deceit if all the facts aren't thrown at the reader in sentence one, they've obviously never read one of Agatha Christie's bestsellers (in particular, Poirot's final case).

What might have helped is if the scene was post-coital, and the narrator was half-asleep. Part of the joke which inspired this story is the male character's instinctive reaction to flee the scene, which implies he's being playing away from home as well.

In the meantime, John, cheers for taking what I hoped was constructive feedback in the manner it was intended.

something needs to be said. this story has just about everything needed to be a success here at Literotica.actually it does have everything. HDK's story has originality and a nice surprise at the end. plus a bit of humor throughout. so typical of all his stories. alas, he is not perfect. sometimes he really does make a mistake. personally i've never read a story of his that a mistake has ruined.

i would venture to say if a way was possible to vote for favorite author to this site HDK would come out on top.even more impressive,if same survey was taken but voted on only by other regular contributing authors,the result would be the same.

already said more than i intended so i'm off my soap box.

don

first off I loved this story.

But I wanted to comment about what a Anonymous poster from the UK said... His post tilted BRILLANT .... made a comment about Harry...

I guess he means HarryinVA. This guy said about Harry

..."Now there are always plenty of naysayer's on these kinds of tales. They get upset because they think that they've been deceived. I should imagine Harry will be in with a dig later. They weren't deceived at all, they just didn't spot the subtle hints and inconsistencies or ask themselves the right questions..."

maybe I am wrong but I recall reading that Harry was an insurance Fraud investigator...? I would think he would enjoy the trickery

But more importantly what seems to upset guys like Harry and Risq and Chagrined is NOT trickery but when the author has the main chracter sya certain things in chapter 1 then ignore those "problems" in chapter 2

I think Harry is wrong about many things but on this one issue he does have a point. In the story the LONG FALL the husband sees with wife fuck his brother in chapter 1. The Husband asserts that he cant forgive or forget their actions.

Then in chapter 2 he does JUST that and with No explanation.

That is not deception...its bad just writing

Great story and great idea. And it works for themost part...

Maybe I mised it.... WHY did the husband leave his own wife after she was attacked by this strange man in their own bedroom?

Think about it... would YOU do that?

It is NOT an imsurmoutable problem per se but more needs to be done with WHY the husband --who did not at that point know his wife was cheating -- let her get beaten

Loved it. Wonders why the wife was never found and apparently just found still out when the husband gets home after being arrested and in jail. Obviously no one thought to tell police a woman was hit and inside the house and since she had not come out may be injured in a major way.

Funny how some women think by investing time in you they have a claim on you no matter what they do. Have heard it in real life with friends, I have been with him for X years and he threw my out just because I .........

You know if walk down a sidewalk for five years and nothing happens and then one day while walking on the sideway you trip and break your leg, your leg is still broken. A broken vow is a broken vow and then she is exposing you to all the diseases and such she willing exposed herself to for her lover. Yep she respects and loves you a lot!

this is nothing more than a piece of dry cheap crap, no matter how you spin a cheap piece of crap, it is still a cheap piece of crap; even a good writer like HDK can not do shit for it! deserves no more than a "25"; and that's rather generous.

Harry,

To me it seemed that when he hit Lisa, Lisa dropped to the floor and didn't move. Then the guy came for him. After getting in a good lick the first thing the guy did was leave because he knew the guy was coming for him next. He tried to lure him outside and wait him out. Didn't quite work out.

I agree I might have fought him in the bedroom to, but if I got to pick my fighting area, I might have tried to lure him outside where he would have done less damage =)

-Risq

One of your better stories! I love the little morsels of humor that you generously sprinkle in your stories.

Boyd

Why run away when some guy has just knocked your wife out cold, has knocked you for six as well and is coming after you again?

Lets think about it. The big guy who'd entered his house had surprise on his side and had the upper hand. Our hero was disoriented and confused about what the hell was going on. I would have thought his best plan of action was withdraw, regroup and then attack. Preferably with a big stick to defend himself with. Sounds like the most logical thing for him to do to me. You can't do f-all to save your wife, if the big guys kicked the shit out of you!

I'll give you he should have told the old lady to call the police. But she did that anyway.

He, who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day!

I understand your point "He, who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day! ..."

but that is assuming you STILL have SOMETHING to fight FOR!!!!

if we place our mind in the mind of the main character ... the hushand... if he runs and she is then KILLED or murdered by this OTHER guy after the husband has Fled ...

How could he live with himself?

It sems to me what you and others are doing is assuming a Point of view since you know that everything turns out OK

Judging by some of the readers’ comments it looks like, amazingly, the answer could be – yes! Afraid you became a victim of your own success. My head is spinning from the range of critique your superb tale brought. Apparently people like to be surprised, but not too much. My suggestion - accepts the complaints as indirect compliments. To two main points:

1. Claims to problems with the POV

There is no basis to the poetic rule offered by the reader Alvaron53 about an obligation to ‘never mislead even by omission’ which, if applied, would have amounted to a commitment to full disclosure of all relevant information, if the story is told by all knowing narrator. Ever since the hay days of modern novels, all knowing narrators were being utilized in endless ways to mercilessly manipulate the reader into …enjoying the reading. Each author develops his/her own poetics per each story.

There is one more problem in Alvaron’s argument. It seems that he is confusing the narrator’s pov which is not all knowing but limited (the husband’s character) with the poetics of the story’s creator, which is always all knowing, and true, this time, is withholding formal introductions of identities, but did not deceive and were not inconsistent with the pov of the narrator, the way the reader seems to take his argument. Please, let us see what must have been said by that character which was not said, or what was said which was inconsistent with the rest, according to his pov?

Limited POV became the hallmark of modern prose in the 20th century. It may have made stories more realistic but it came with a price: we don’t know every thing (even if the story’s creator does). The main point, as pointed out by other readers, is that there should be no unexplained internal inconsistencies.

2. Challenges to the judgment of the main character.

As to challenges to judgment calls by a person who reacts to a surprise attack, it will be enough to agree that what he did was one possible way to react at the pressure of the moment. The facts that even at distance and safety, savvy readers differ on the husband’s judgments, is proof enough to my point.

Just to illustrate the pov issue: why should an owner of a house declare to the readers in the middle of a chase: by the way this is my home and the cart I have just fell upon while running for my life is the one I forgot to put back and so on. Sticking strictly to the pov of a homeowner/ husband is the exact reason why he does not introduce every thing to us. It’s called showing (vs. telling).

It was a pleasure to be “conned” by a master. No complaints here.

Gave it the quick scan and then had to READ it. This was very good. I liked this story alot. However I have to agree with Harry (which is not often but he made a great point here), why leave the house? I can see leaving the room to get him away from the wife but it is HIS house. Naked or not he still had a strategic advantage. Personally I've always maintained in real life as well as my stories that NO ONE beats me in my own house unless they kill me immediately. I know where every weapon and potential weapon is no way do I leave.

I wouldn't mind a sequel from the cheating wife's POV to answer questions like:

How did the psycho lover get keys to the house?

How could he know his way around the house and NOT know what her husband looked like?

What happened after he threw his wife out?

What happened when she told psycho that he had assaulted her husband and fucked up her marriage?

Did she press assault charges?

Did she leave within the hour?

These are the questions only the write-knight can answer. Ok so I'm guilty of stealing from the dark-knight aka The Batman so sue me.

Anyway this was a hell of a story

Read ya later

Bishop

Raises a lot of unanswered questions though.

If it was his house, how come the neighbour showed no recognition?

How does a man end up being charged with something for running from a man attacking him with a golf club?

The wife only woke up after he got home next day? The police investigated nothing, just arrested him and left? What country was this in????

They didn't ask the attacker(with the golf club) what he was doing, where he lived, what was his name?

Ditto for the husband? Just a bit too far fetched to stand any sort of thought process.

What about when he explained what happened to his lawyer? Still charges? Brought by whom? The guy who attacked hubby in his own house. Sorry, can't believe THAT!

You've been missed! I hope this means we can look forward to some more HDK.

Good story but a lot of questions went unanswered.

Especially on her end. Why did the cops arrest you when you were defending yourself? etc. etc. etc.

Thanks for writing!

Sexmate

Great - all the unanswered questions make it a good read. Nothing needs psychoanalyzing. Cheating cunt hits the road - nuff said.

...at some of the comments. People take themselves too seriously. Why not read this for what it is - good entertainment and let the 'what ifs' alone? Anybody who thinks the cops couldn't have done exactly this have never dealt much with cops. Logic is NOT always foremost in their thoughts/actions. Neighbor not recognizing a naked man? Hell, it was DARK! Why run from your own house? Duh! How about to save one's own life! Good story, HDK.

you that people get the idea that cops are bad. First of all no cop will let another guy assault a man who is naked pr clothed or whatever. The cops would have stopped him from assaulting the guy and when he fought back the cops wouldn't have pointed a gun at him...I think you just showed some of your humiliation tendencies...marriedwithballs@yahoo.com

as for marriedw/balls, get the facts right. nothing against the police, but the cops themselves do the honors of making themselves look bad.

I have been reading this authers stories, and enjoyed most of them ; I like his humor, plot twists, and exploration of marital fidelity with a varity of carictures.

I also like to read the comments; but am puzzled at the discontent of some who are reading free stories from unpaid authers that share thier ideas (and time ) with others.

(apologize for misspellings)

I loved the role reversal. You go from thinking that he's getting just what he deserves to poor unaware husband getting his ass kicked in his own bedroom by wife's lover. There are not too many authors that can pull that off w/o tipping their hand. Bravo

As i said you now have become an idiot writer.Go to a different catagory humor would do even thou your not funny.

I just wish you had a bit about the idiot cop being roasted and toasted. How about a sequel, there is a potential here for a bit of fun.

@#%Dumb

Great surprise ending...Gotta tell ya...I never saw it coming. Good job!!!

got alot of us by surprise I bet, nice twist at the ending there

Classic Hdk, thanks a bunch.

A fine job and a teriffic ending. R.T.

Nice twist at the end....

Awesome twist and a sharp poke in the eye with a pointy stick lol

I love the way your mind twists and turns -

and sometimes they are good and go to the jugular as this one did, but I personally would have liked you to explain why a wife of 20+ years would cheat with a Neanderthal and apparently for so long. This makes the story shallow and weak but it does appeal to the "dump the bitch" crowd who need no motivation for revenge.

Good story, unexpected twist.

was Dan arrested? He was thrown naked and assaulted by Jeff in his own house and then again when handcuffed. Surely Jeff should be facing charges of trespass and assault?

Because she is a woman. I was married for 26 years and had 3 kids, youngest in the 6th grade when she got up one morning and said she didn't want to be a wife or mother anymore and the kids were my problem. Come to find out she had been screwing around for the last two years and didn't want to keep sneaking around and knew I wouldn't put up with it. Twelve years later, only one of the kids even talks to her, the guys she was screwing dumped her, two fiances dumped her after she moved in with them. One in three months, the other in four months. She finally married a guy because they didn't live together before they got married. Oh yeah, 5 months after she moved out, she was wanting me to take her back. Some women are just fucked up.

All your readers have questions? All the questions are answered, short, concise, sweet and to the point!

She cheated on hubby and also cheated on her lover. Hubby figures it all out, all of a sudden. Hubby is a realist, love and sex is great but cheating...Get Out!

Good short story - Thanks!

The plot twist was great. Time to dump a cheating whore.

OH YEAH

it more so to remember other peoples itenary TK U MLJ LV NV

I loved the story, loved the humor, and loved the gotcha.

And I also think it's hilarious how everybody's panties have got all bunched up. It's a story, for god's sake, a bit of entertainment, and a bit of a laugh. Doesn't need to be dissected, and needed to be written the way it was for the punchline.

But hey, I got plenty of laughs from the comments too, so maybe I shouldn't complain. You'd think some of these yokels were dissecting a historical document.

(BTB!)

now a driver or a putter and we are talking serious shit.

it seems the soon to be ex wife already knew how to play through.

this was awesome! Five stars. A fun and original flash.

If the husband hadn't been sporting a 3 wood she wouldn't have looked for a 9 iron elsewhere.

Congrats. Funny and clever. Five out of five. Smart construction kept me guessing right to the end. Well written as always.

Loved the final comment about the 4-iron.

Writing a story that is short, tight, and covers everything is much harder than it looks and HDK is one of the best.

But I am going to look for one of his longer stories now and see how he does in that format.

Cheers Steve

Still love it.

and "FORE" is the warning. TK U MLJ LV NV

Another little story with a delightful twist.

You tell us that he has to leave for Buffalo on Wednesday, he is fucking someone Wednesday night, and except for a SMALL hint regarding the accommodations, it turns out he never left town after all?

Just not enough of it.

You could write a few more chapter to this story.

Brief and witty. Like your style. See what you can do with true story. Info on Facebook profile of dearbornmt@yahoo.com

What a hoot! Thanks.

Well written, with nice twist.

5-stars

"He's just lucky he didn't bend my four iron. Then I would have felt compelled to shoot him. There are some things a man can't tolerate." Sounds like Dan has his priorities in order. :-)

Backed me up on that one. Very interesting twist. Great story.

That's some fine fag cuck shit right there.

The idea could have been made into a story but this is not it. I complain often when people write long driveling with a little plot but this is exactly the opposite. I think if you re-work this out a bit more you could have a solid story, this way it is way too little.

Not much of a story, more a fragment of one.

Maybe the author should actually finish it?

Really enjoyed it. The fact the neighbour didn’t recognise him threw me for a bit, but then maybe she wasn’t looking at his face when she screamed.

On a clever flash story. Signed: BTW

'Nuff said.

I had a tough time getting my head wrapped around the story until the end. That was fun! Thank you.

Too funny.

No care for the cheating one!!!!!

How come he got charged with assault and not Jeff?Why did he have to ring the door bell at his own house?.

by Nitpic

05/26/20

How come

How come he got charged with assault and not Jeff?Why did he have to ring the door bell at his own house?

He was charged because he had no ID, remember? He was naked when the cops showed up!

He had to ring the doorbell because he had no keys, REMEMBER? HE WAS NAKED WHEN THE COPS SHOWED UP.

Certainly different.

Still love it!

Prefer 3 iron for all around.

jtwheels

5*

Considering your name, you are honestly awful at nitpicking. I've seen you commenting in at least 30 or 40 other stories where you completely miss something. Where would a naked person put his keys? Up his ass? Of course he had to ring the doorbell.

A very different one!

and yet fellow commenter Nitwit is left babbling about illogical nonsense. My advice to NW? It's not "FTDS" but "ReadTDS"!! NW, I am truly tired of your knee-jerk reactions and poorly deduced conclusions.

Meanwhile,

Keep 'em comin', HDK.

I'm glad his club was undamaged, it seems he needs it when he plays around.

I read this one several years back and when I started reading it again tonight I had forgotten about that little twist at the end. Outstanding, HDK, you sucked me right on in. Again. Thanks for that. And that ‘little twist’ is, in my opinion, what makes this little short one a five star story.

Note to self: Lock the dang doors before making whoopee - it might not be the kids popping in!

Well done! I love the humour that you put in your stories. Thank you.