All Comments on 'Rutherford Consulting Ch. 02'

I had been a little disappointed in the first chapter since it was rather short and had skipped the promised mc element. You more than made up for it here!

While simply having a harem of women might be enough, I am still puzzled by Jules motivation. I hope we get into that more in the next chapter. The pace is good. The characters are fleshing out and there is an element of intrigue. Fun Fun Fun!

More please.

You need to improve your writing - not the premise or plot - but the actual writing... misspelling - wrong word usage ( halve instead of half ) and tense completely take the reader out of the story...

The story seems like it will have a lot of potential, and writing a story this long in a non-native language takes a lot of time and effort. I commend you for all of that. However, since you chose to put it in English it needs to be much better written in English.

The only stylistic element that might not be part of the translation problem is that you tend to use short, choppy sentences for narrative exposition rather than letting the characters tell the story (an example is the back-story around Pet and the maid). That type of narration is made more awkward by some of your translation issues, particularly around changing tenses. You frequently move from the present tense to the past and back again unintentionally (and inappropriately).

There are a number of people on Literotica who have volunteered to help edit stories - and many of them are very good. I'd recommend you try to find one who also speaks your native language so that you can work together and bring out the full potential of this story.