All Comments on 'S7: Holy War'

Jeezaz blows and so does this story. Sloppy writing, dude. You're just mailing it in now.

Do you even read this stuff before you post?

"After the episode with Jo before the wedding, I rethought the whole thing. In the end, even if I would have done things a bit differently if I had given it more thought, I was satisfied I had done the right thing."

What does that even mean? Just dreadful writing that went on forever.

But those jackasses that complain should write their own stories and stop hiding who they are.

A little more time, an editor who has a different way of looking at your stories and it could be a second career if you ever get bored with legalese

Damn fine storyline throughout and looking forward to seeing you finish...

Maybe even more than just one or two more chapters if you find the time...lol

Thanks

Didn't think very much of the other 2 parts, so there's no way I'm reading NINE more pages of this. Make us a favor and leave this poor story alone.

wow 5

No, really. There's nothing relevant to the genre. You just kept dragging on the stuff from the past, for literally no reason. I won't rate this story because honestly I don't care for it at all.

I don't know who the anonclowns are but great story and I can't wait for the other chapter. I don't know why these cucks get hung up on the category. It started in LW and is a continuation. Why is that so hard for them to understand? Keep up the good work.

Wolf_Man_1962

You killed me killing off Jo... I was sad enough when they did not reconcile. But this chapter was just....WoW.

Loving the story. I was hoping for a Jo reconciliation also but I like the way you handled her. I am looking forward to part 3 with baited breath.

Ahaz

Hell, I couldn't read past the first 4 or 5 paragraphs. This is your worst story yet

This story is not one I can connect to anymore . Seems to be turning into another 'Hogue Chronicles'. It is becoming something completely different(HA). Pete went from dealing with betrayal and the emotional impact that story creates, to an "Indiana Jones" spy type action figure.

Gave you 3*s qhml1 .

With your next chapter" S7: Jihad" your really in the spirit of the times qhml1. I'll just skip it.

I'm looking for entertainment mostly without guns, bombs, car chases on this site. Your writing skills are as sharp as ever and the plot moves from action to action. It just isn't what I'm looking forward to as entertainment here at the LW category.

Eagerly awaiting another Brother Love chapter, would like to find out what happened to his ex-wife Debbie.

Thanks for sharing,lol.

AMerryman

And keep it coming loving it so far. 5's

I'm simply blown away. This was as good as it gets. Some Indiana Jones , meets Dan Brown , with some Robert Ludlum thrown in for good measure !

I simply do not get some people , this is top flight entertainment , for free ! As someone said , they would bitch if you hung them with a new rope !

I for one ( and you can certainly believe a lot more ) will be eagerly awaiting the next S7 installment.

5 huge *'s thanks q !

Continue the story. I would love to read about the conclusion of his jihad, taking out numerous terrorist scumbags along the way.

Holy cow, this was a great story. I can't wait to read how this sequel progresses.

An absolutely riveting story.

Please keep this going!!!!! What an amazing story!!!!

But I'm not a fan of the bullshit spy drama stories that have been posted lately ... Too much fantasy literature and not any real erotica. This is no different. As a piece of fiction it's perfectly fine but it doesn't belong here. It has even less to do with the LW category then the first story did and was decidedly bogged down in the ridiculous hero complex so obviously borrowed from the BTB crowd.

ghml1 epic. Well done...especially since you're hitting some sensitive subjects. Definitely a surprise ending...guess that's one way of getting all those pesky relatives out of the story. The next installment (trilogy?) should be interesting...could have been a Tom Clancy novel.

https://youtu.be/WqV1ILz5AO8

Blues Saraceno - The River

A Month now seems like an Eternity. Excellent continuation of "Mr & Mrs America".

Hopefully September will provide the "Finale"

Thanks

Hanz

Outstanding.

. . . is that after reading your two interconnected stories, "Mr. and Mrs." and "S7," I need to find a simple stroke story on Literotica to get my head straight. Your story telling is fascinating, complex, challenging, emotional, heart-rending, and intense. I need a rest. Thank you for your exceptional writing efforts. Always looking forward to more. Take the rest of the day off.

Dear Son,

I love you, just not enough to risk losing other relationships I have through you to have done what's best for you. It was easier at the time. However, I do want you in my life badly enough to risk your relationships with your own daughters and put them in the middle of our issues for the chance to get you back in my life.

I feel so bad about that first part, but I'm currently doing the second part, so there you have it.

Love,

Mom.

Wow! Really great story. I read this over three hours ago and it's still on my mind. Please hurry with the next chapter.

Great story. Can't wait for the sequel.5 stars.

q, thanks so much for such an exceptional and well written story. If this is a trilogy, it will be among the best LW/adventures stories on Lit. Can't wait until part three.

all the way from BC millennia to present, TK U MLJ LV NV

Yes, there were quite a few mechanical errors, but I could figure out what you meant.

I thought Jezzaz's rendition was about the sacrifices made both by those in the line of fire and those that stayed home, for the sake of society. You changed it - to be frank, I didn't catch the faked pregnancy as that heinous, but again I can see your point (and how it would apply to bi guys, particularly in times past).

This one relied quite a bit on story telling conventions - I figured that the dramatic hook in the last scene was going to happen, but I did not guess the right way. (by the way, Tom Kenny has a bit on "the laws of the cartoon universe" which might be amusing to look up, vis a vie conventions).

I now go to rake over the coals one of the other authors doing a spy story... but that is another story.

Thanks again, and good luck in all things.

Green-something

A story from Qhml1 and Richard Gerard? Holy shit! So glad I decided to read some stories today. I would have missed it.

You know how to hurt a guy. I really enjoyed this story. It did start missing words toward the end for some reason. I know why when I do it in my stories. As I write, I read the completed part over. Every time I sit down to resume writing, I read over the part already done. That way I proof the beginning quite a few times. Once I finish the story, I may read it one more time and then post it. Inevitably, the last page or so has more errors than the first few pages. The is no longer a short story. It has morphed into a novel. It was well plotted, interesting, and a rollercoaster. Good job!

HDK liked it, so I should read. Javmore79 liked it so it must suck the big one. Read or not read? Not, for now. That endorsement is a deal killer.

Today I was feeling bloody so this story fit right in. Not really, but I always wanted to say that ever since I saw Lonesome Dove. Oh well. This one got 5 stars from me. A rare thing indeed. I liked the writing and I loved the characterizations. No wimps here, just a man who refused to let someone else make him less than what he was. Jo was a stupid woman when it came to her interpersonal relations. Maybe not stupid but definitely stunted. But we did read that she was a lawyer. I am sorry that he lost his son, made it real but not a looked for thing. And it is hard to be vigilant all of the time. I don't for the life of me know how someone who is not raised in that cult could fall for the narrow bullshit it offers. But it happens every day. And for those who are going to call me a bigot and point out the Crusades and all of that. Bite me.

Without a doubt you are branching out. I really enjoyed this story and love the fact you took a chance and branched out into something new. I've always loved your writing and this is one of your best. Thanks for something fresh and new.

Floydfan1964

Trying to make sure my allergies don't spill over. I am truly humbled by your talent. I can't find the words that describes this story so far. Thank you for taking the time to entertain all of your readers, fans, and new fans.

I notice you referenced HDK and Lady in Red. There are many similarities between that series and this. Both feature implausible heroes and both rate through the roof. I gave up on heroes when I was 10 but if you're after ratings that's the way to go.

Would have been an easy 5* but for the many typos.

This has been a wonderful story on an interesting topic. Thank you very much.

No, thanks. Just dump this stupid plot and go on with something else. Jezzaz's silly story didn't deserve a sequel, let alone two.

Wrong category. Put it in "long, boring depressing shit that no one should bother with". I skipped a lot and still had trouble finish this.

I'm not sure I can go on. It was long and I was looking forward to the happy ending and then so many characters I had become attached to were killed. I have enough drama in real life that I don't think I can take any more of this. Perhaps by the time the next part comes out I will be ready.

...me wondering if maybe some, rather outspoken readers don't suffer from an overpowering case of ADD.

I will agree that you could considerably improve your stories' readability and make the whole experience far more pleasant, if you would just invest a little more effort to clean up the technical aspects of the writing.

Careless spelling, bad grammar, miss placed and misused words, are always embarrassing to a writer. But the frequency of their appearance here suggests that perhaps you could use some editorial help, if the personal effort seems onerous to you.

I hope you find someone to assist you with the polishing, because these stories are just too good to degrade with poor presentation. I have thoroughly enjoyed each and every one....somewhat dampened, as they are, by the somewhat rough text.

But I would say, with a little effort into cleaning up the vagaries of language, tightening up the the story to keep it moving, staying true to the themes and sequences of events, you could probably get this series published.

The readers of the world with attention spans measurable in volumes or hours, rather than portions of seconds would delight in such an adventure.

I know I have, and I must say, this stand pretty tall here.

Thank you!

Don't listen to detractors. Keep going and finish it. 5

Are all stories from now on going to be about war heroes and spies, navy seals and assassins? How about just a story about a guy that works in a factory or owns a business? It was nine pages and could have been told in half that. Your attention wandered and there are so many odd mistakes that I just started skimming. You need a better editor, or maybe just AN editor.

I enjoyed the story, well done!

I had to leave a coment on the reactions of other 'readers'. Seriously, you can't get past nine pages? Really? You then skip to the end without reading and say, and I quote, "Long boring depressing"? Wow. Just........ Wow.

Anyway, 5 stars for the story. Great effort and talent.

I read this story ,well written. When you killed off Jo I was saddened . But this was more an action adventure story than a loving wife story. These caractures really lived a dangerous life. The ending was messy. To many people killed.

You basically turned a freaking nobody with an asshole spy buddy into an asshole assassin. Who also literally is the most powerful person on the planet who is feared so much by the three of the worlds most powerful governments so much they wont touch them, the Vatican and terrorist organizations. And his friends are so badass they can do what the entire world can't and shut down ISIS just by killing a couple dozen.

I'm kind of surprised that with the superhero powers and ninja nickname, you turned him into a complete shit bag. What the hell? Someone finally pulls a suicide bomb and jacks his bitch ex who he doesn't care about, a boyfriend one daughter is dumping, a lesbian lover of the other, and one friend..... so he decides hes going to have a bunch of innocent family people butchered because of what one guy did? The idea of an agnostic jihad is insulting enough, but you basically turned him into the people he hates. Sad.

Could have enjoyed the comic book qualities even in LW, but the character turned into an unlikeable pseudoreligious psychopath.

I don't care whether this story is in LW's or something else, It is a great story and you are one of my favorite authors. It fits well with the times and could end up in tomorrows headlines. Good Job.

I suppose you can color me shocked to read the second chapter of Mr. & Mrs. America's aftermath.

Now that you've had the chance to post direct rebuttals to the critics of the previous chapter via Maddy and Fuck-face's bedroom exchange wherein he modestly protests his zero training head shots and ability to survive just about everything as 'luck' and 'ordinary guy reacting like any ordinary guy would' while she rightfully points out how much of what he did sounds like an action hero except somehow less plausible; it seems more to me that for someone who insisted that the story wasn't about Fuck-face's personal journey to glory everlasting, you seem to have (unintentionally I'm sure) validated pretty much every argument your less strident critics leveled at the adaptation of the original Mr. & Mrs. America you posted.

Of course this probably isn't helped by the new chapter featuring former soldiers gushing about how bad-ass Fuck-face is (Ben from the gun range "can't imagine surviving the things you have") and how consummate professional spies praise everything from his sexy time skills to his ability to instantly pick up spycraft (Madeline telling him "you're the best I've had that wasn't taught in a school" and "If you bothered with tradecraft, you'd be a natural at it" after somehow managing to have the entire US government lose track of him because he used tricks he saw in the movies. Ya know, in the same way juries filled with people who watch CSI magically understand everything about forensic evidence when it's presented to them in court) not to mention that everyone he acts like a raging dickwad toward either deserves it or is improved because of it. (the Mike Expys of the government agent asshole and The Count spring to mind since god knows you apparently can't go one chapter without the same generic alpha douche template showing up so that your protagonist can demonstrate just how totes awesome he is without coming across as a conceited jackass) But there's not really a whole lot you can do by sticking to the characterization you're continuing from the first chapter since, ironically, your efforts at "expanding" on Mr. & Mrs. America have resulted in much narrower and less interesting personalities than the original story had.

I admit, I did have a stab of sympathy for Fuck-face at one point. During the day of his daughter's wedding, when his father looked at him across the table and he deliberately reminded him of how he'd cut off Mike's hands to mail to him, I did feel sorry he didn't have a third arm. Why so you might ask? Why, because he obviously couldn't make that motion and jack himself off under the table like he so clearly wanted to.

But hey, Mike deserved it right? He'd managed to go from a pleasant if withdrawn guy with a questionable moral compass in the original story by Jezzaz to "an alpha male who always thought he was god's gift to women" his entire life even before he became a professional spy after you got through with him so of course he did. If he hadn't, why that might've made Fuck-face not so much a manly man as it did an unrepentant psychopath.

Of course, now that you've covered Islam and Christianity, I fully expect Fuck-face to uncover the secret cabal of Jewish bankers that rule the world just so he can prove just how much of a 'truth-seeker' he is. (Kind of hard to swallow given that Fuck-face seems to mostly worship *himself* by proxy of his work like most every fundamental religious nutjob but whatever.) I can just see it now:

He stands before the secret chamber of the Jewish Elders. He isn't chained because they know after all his exploits that he's a truth-seeker who can be stopped by nothing. The ask why he's come here, eyes flinty but with enough of a flicker of hesitation to let Fuck-face know he's got them exactly where he wants them. He only gives a small smile in response. "Why, I've come to find the truth." He whispers. "And now," he continues after pausing for a moment. "I shall show the whole world how much they've been manipulated, how their choices were so unjustly taken from them." 'Just like me.' His mind adds with quiet dignity.

Brrrr! Sends chills down my spine just thinking about it.

Course, I'm not sure how it could possibly relate to the three decapitated heads in a bag teaser you posted, but I have no doubt that if this first look at the third chapter is any indication it'll be just as dignified and classy as the last two chapters.

Because let's face it: once you go from effortless dual wielding pistols, being a master of multiple special forces fighting styles, doubling the headshot count from the last chapter, not to mention becoming recognized by religious AND secular heads of state for being oh so invaluable to the world at large with every intention of topping those feats with the next chapter in the saga of his march toward Valhala, is there any doubt Fuck-face's story can be anything but a masterpiece in the making?

But in any case, it really seems you proved me wrong. Great job.

geesh, skimming the comments some are so derogatory and brutal.

Why? 90% of you could not do nearly as well as he.

Now if you want to give him constructive criticism, that is what you should comment on.

Instead of trashing everything he writes, you can explain to him such as this

There really was need for 9 pages to this and some of the stuff just didn't make sense. Because it was too long (and no I don't mean that 9 pages are too long, I mean the content), I had a hard time staying interested and ended up skimming. Somewhere I read that you are trying to make your characters "more normal"?

If that is the case, I really saw nothing normal about them. Especially, the protagonist. Divorce, disowning his parents, etc because they did what they did out of love and concern, no matter how "wrong" is not normal. That is childish.

I do agree with the others that this is in the wrong category and I also do not think this is really a sequel. And I also will not be interested in reading another chapter. This one just is too messy for anything to follow that will hold my attention.

I will give other stories a try in case this is not indicative of your other writing. I may end up enjoying some, or I may end up deciding you are not worth my reading, but I can certainly appreciate that you can write a hell of a lot better than I can, even if I did not like what you wrote.

It would appear that the brainless and middle States mindless commenters have made their useless comments critizing this excellent story. I guess they are only use to reading their comic books so when they are confronted with nine pages, they think that their back in high school, forced to read another novel. Rather than read the story, they would read the Coles Notes!

Well done, immensely entertaining, looking forward to chapter 3.

Thank you for taking the time to write so many great stories. I've read all your works to date.

Great action packed story w/sex scenes.

I was a little upset & disappointed that you killed off some characters; it seemed a little bit overboard and a cop-out to tie up a loose end or two.

But, what do I know I'm just an avid reader and not a writer. The world & governments may shudder if I ever put pen to paper or, I may just be silenced... lol

Admittedly I choked after page 2 but forced myself to read page 3 and then shot to the bleeding end. And I probably erred in thinking this was in LOVING WIVES and not Indiana Fucking Jones meets Walter Mitty meets Kingsman. Of course all your sycophants will declare me a pedantic outcast because 1. I'm anonymous (get over it, none of you use your names), and I dare give you one ☆ (because there are no negative stars). This effort of yours is nice but it surely has no place on LW.

As usual writing these as I go.

Continuity error: At the end of the previous part, long before the wedding, he opened a scroll that "would change history." Here we are, two YEARS after the wedding, and finally we hear about it, and presumably he only just recently looked at it?

"escort you to the local goal" - I'm sure you mean "gaol".

"smoozing with ease" - "schmoozing"

"He wanted you to have it, and I honor his wishes." - I still would have given the commander something, maybe one of the gold bars, as a token of appreciation for his loyalty to Said.

"When I told her I expected her to help plan the wedding, she cried." - The groom's mother? I would think that would be almost automatic!

Normally, I'm done by about three pages in, but this piece kept me turning...er, clicking... pages. If the next chapter was another 10 pages and was available, I would have read that right though too. Thank you!

By coincidence, I put down TC's latest to read your story. It struck me that yours was more dramatic and better written.

I accepted most of the concepts in the story as being far-fetched and just on the edge of being believable. Then i got to the bit about the catholic church almost admitting to making a mistake and hinting they would give the female half of our species another role rather than perpetual virginity or perpetual pregnancy. Sorry, but that was too far over the top. I applaud your optimism, as well as the effort you went to slipping good moral messages into the script.

Thoroughly enjoyed it. Well done.

Few things:

1. WHY DID YOU INCLUDE THE LAST EXCERPT? IT WAS A GOOD ENDING THEN YOU HAD TO RUIN THE MYSTERY! I WOULD'VE HAPPILY WAITED FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT BUT NOOOOO, YOU HAD TO SPOIL IT DIDN'T YOU Q.... rant over.

2. Gotta agree with anon a while back. While this was a well deserved five stars and an excellent sequel, it didn't seem to carry the Loving Wives vibe. There was no swinging or cheating or anything of the sort. I understand you probably want stories of the same series to be in the same category, but isn't it more important to be accurate with your category than to satisfy a personal pet peeve?

3. The rare typo did not deter my attention and barely even caught my eye. Mostly because you created a very engaging story.

4. I have to say, I actually laughed out loud when I read that comment about the Catholic Church's change in mentality being unrealistic compared to the adventuring prof. I share your opinion on religion I think, Q, about not really caring about any in particular but still respecting them all.

5. This needed, and I stress this, to be read in conjunction with jezzaz's original and your first sequel. Not exactly sure what that says about either of your writing, but I just wanted to mention that.

Best of luck in your future endeavors and hope something new will come up soon! I anxiously await. Oh yeah, did I mention that this got five stars from me?

And by the way, I'm only posting as Anon because I forgot my login and am too lazy right now to request a new password.

The disowning wasn't so much for them doing what they thought was right, it was for their refusal to admit NOW that they were wrong.

Had it all, intrigue, violence, sex, all wrapped in a good tale. Some of the parts were pretty emotional. Nice job. Looking fwd to the next installment.

I'm a bit uncertain that this story belongs in the LW category but it is a very good story. There are a few places where spell check didn't check correctly but it is a well-spun story. For the Catholics, some segments were exaggerated but others were not far from historical reality.

It was a bit long but the ideas and creativity of the story are excellent. Thanks for the work and ideas. I'm sure Pope Francis will enjoy reading this.

Tiny Tim

While I definitely consider this a five star tale, it has a fatal flaw. Because of how it ended, isn't the father (and now dead wife) justified in what he did all those years ago? This is the life he originally wanted, that they knew would be no good for a family. Point proven. All that's missing is the dad showing up and saying, "I told you so!"

this story isn't going anywhere.

But I'm happy for you everyone else loves it. Of course, a whole lot of people love McDonald's food too.

and entertaining

but this segment was so far afield from the original it is hard to recognize the characters as having been derived from the source story. the teaser at the end seems to be going even further away. I hope not, I liked the tension between the mild mannered college professor and the high powered attorney trying to cope with the every day details of real life.

I am afraid

very afraid

First, really creepy line from his daughter telling Pete she's pregnant. "My horny hubby did something to me and I like it!" Really? No. Just no.

Now, this story is unintentionally hysterical. What's next? A mild-mannered accountant turns into the world's most lethal assassin? This guy is now James Bond with a bit of Robert Langdon (Da Vinci Code) thrown in. He's also a class A jerk. Yet everyone wants to sleep with him, and those that get their asses kicked by him. So why does Jo want him back? He turned into her. An entitled, arrogant asshole. Of course his prowess on the field of battle is now legendary and he can disarm folks with a lifetime's worth of training. Because he's just that amazing.

Basically, the story was laughable, there was absolutely zero drama or tension (how could there be - bullets bounce off this guy's chest?), and throughout I kept asking myself "what's the point?" I then realized there was none. It's a nerdy teenage boy's wet dream. He gets to kick ass, have women throw themselves at him, be oh so very important, and also do it in a scientific way. But for your more mature readers, it was quite boring.

I love your writing. How about skipping the jihad crap and go back to what you're awesome at? Writing dramatic and engaging conflict in a true LW story? Are we agreed? Sounds good to me.

I am really enjoying this story. Thank you for publishing. Five out of five stars.

It has just the right balance of action, sex, and thoughtfulness so that the protagonist is not just a two-dimensional, cardboard action hero.

I hope the next chapter deals with an interesting morale dilemma raised in this chapter. If he had stayed just a quiet history professor then the final horrific shooting and bombing - which cost him people, including family, he loved - would NOT have happened.

So in effect he is responsible for that. It also shows that his ex-wife, friend and father were at least partially correct that they were protecting him by tricking him. (Yes, there was more than just the issue of protection; there was also control. That is what makes it such a delicious grey area.)

The author is very skillful and I am hopefully he will have his protagonist deal with this question in an intelligent manner - say with a quiet guilt that is driving his personal jihad. Also I would not be surprised if his former friend ends up behind this somehow.

In terms of constructive criticism there were quite a few typos and there were a few scenes that passed a little quicker than I would have liked. But then again I am reading and enjoying this for no cost.

Maybe J and Q will co-publish an expanded version of this story online. I would pay for that just as I paid for the new chapter from DQS1.

Cheers

Steve

i came nine times.

a Kaleidoscope of the ridiculous

am looking forward to the next part in the story

am expecting Aliens/little green men

Mutant Ninja Turtles

and possibly a visit by Optimus Prime

Voted 4 stars

Long and very enjoyable. Thanks for sharing!!!

I was so happy to see you take up a sequel to Mr. and Mrs. America. When I first read Jezzaz's story, I was confused as to why few other readers seemed to be as upset as I about the way Pete's family/friends had manipulated his life. The implementation and ploys used to make him do what they wanted were cold-blooded and, when he finally discovered what they had done, they were as unashamed as they were unconcerned that they'd been found out. Defiant in their belief they had the right to jerk him around and that they had done the absolutely right thing for him, they were unrepentant and perplexed as to why he couldn't get past it. It would have infuriated me, so I was thrilled to see you pen a sequel (M&M America: Aftermath) where Pete gets pissed off and makes the perpetrators pay - by living the life he wanted from the beginning.

Now we see in this story/episode where some of Pete's family and friends are killed by terrorists. I disagree with those that say this proves that his ex-wife, father, friends, etc., were correct in originally preventing him from choosing this life as a career path. Who knows where Pete would be now IF he had been allowed to make his own decisions back in the day? Everyone gets to choose their own way in this world. Everyone has that right. To purposefully take that right from them and trick them into doing something else is to rob them of freedom of choice.

It's tantamount to telling them they're not smart or mature enough to make their own decisions so we'll do it for you. Oh, and you don't even get to be part of the discussion, so just go sit down - like a good little boy - and we'll come let you know what you'll be doing once we've decided. And the worst of the lot was Jo, his wife. Pretending to be pregnant - then pretending to lose the baby? All of them watching him grieve over the loss of his child - a child that his wife, best friend, parents, etc., all knew never existed? Talk about betrayal! That's easily as bad, if not worse, than a wife screwing around behind her husband's back. In fact, now that we mention it, she did that too, or almost did - and none of them bothered to tell Pete that either, although they were all aware.

That said, Pete IS beginning to sound a little like Superman. All the women want him, all the men envy him, all the countries fear him, and all the intelligentsia bow before him. LOL. I still enjoyed the story and look forward to more.

Keep writing Qhml1, love your stories. 5 stars.

trying to control someone can bite you in the ass .naturally the church wasn't happy for someone to find something that exposes some of their doings. many many years ago pirest married , then the church changed that so what ever worldly goods they gathered went into the church coffers . keep this series going

Q is there a disjoint in your story ----- when Polly had her baby 'it's disclosed the baby is a girl' but later in the story you refer to the child a few times as 'little Jake" ---- was the baby already a tom-boy??? So Jo won the grandparent sex prophecy.

I'm just a lil surprised with all the SAS/security around the group that no one saw what was coming or allowed the sweepers/burka's to be so near. You would have thought that Teddy would only be at set/declared secure zone for any type of group function. This is where the story goes beyond plausibility. KRD

What a writer. Oops What an author! Very simply put this guy is one hell of a wordsmith. He has one heck of an imagination, he's not afraid to take chances, and he keeps me interested and entertained. The only complaint that I have with Q, is that I don't want his stories to end. Thank you for your writing.

The romantic in me was rooting for Jo to reconcile with Pete and was saddened when you had her killed off. I really was expecting Maddy to be killed in action whilst on a mission.

This has been a fabulous story keeping me gripped with our main character taking on the guise of Indiana Jones.

Great story!! Thank you.

Best story yet I've read yet on Interotica.

From a very very good writer. But either I'm losing it or there were some continuity problems here. Hi second wife started out as "Madeleine", or "Maddie". But in the final sequel she is referred to as "Madison". And from the "Holy War" chapter to the "Jihad" chapter, his daughters went from "Polly and Jess" to being "Polly and Fran".

So, is it me, did I misread it all somewhere, or what? Still, in all, a great story.

OK - I've read thru ALL the comments now to see if any other Catholics actually wanted to address your own views on the Church (per your opening comments.)

Only one commenter approached the subject - Vandemonium - and he thinks you didn't knock the Magesterium ENOUGH. (Perhaps he was merely being a tad sarcastic. Perhaps.)

I read the Dan Brown book and then TWO rebuttal books by combined Jewish/Catholic/Protestant scholars - and that (plus a LOT more personal research and reading) ultimately led me from agnosticism to Protestant Christianity to finally actually joining the RC Church just last year - Easter 2016, that is.

Overall your treatment is not that bad and fairly balanced and certainly MUCH more internally consistent and logical than the laughable "The Da Vinci Code" by Brown.

For just one thing, OT Judaism alone was FAR less misogynistic than pagan Roman Empire society - now THAT was a misogynist culture! Esther, Ruth, and many other women in the Bible had leading roles. Even Eve did. There is NOTHING in Roman classical literature that approaches Proverbs 31 "the worth of a good wife". Really read those verses and think about them.

Mary is also practically deified in Roman Catholicism as "the Mother of God" and the "anti-Eve, the woman who obeyed God rather than disobeyed" but also celebrated because she had a choice, and made the right one. Many, many other women are also mentioned very positively throughout the New Testament, not just Mother Mary but also Mary Magdalene, the woman who anointed Jesus with very expensive perfume and then ALL the specific women Paul and the other Epistle writers so often mention in their letters with kindness and thanks.

Just by supporting monogamous marriage so greatly in the NT (Jesus' very words as well as Paul's) that ALSO embraces and supports women (and children). It isn't that a woman's role should only be "barefoot and pregnant", both Proverbs and Paul stresses equality in marriage between husband and wife. This has been Roman Catholic doctrine since the first century and remains so today. But...indeed a very important BUT...men and women are different, only women can get pregnant and then have babies. This elevates women ABOVE men in a very significant way.

Note that in Roman law and custom the man could divorce his wife at any time on a whim - as Caesar divorced Pompeia on a mere rumor/suspicion of adultery. (A Loving Wive's tale? ;-) Women did NOT have the same equality. And then Justinian (a VERY "Christian" Emperor) actually married a "whore" ,Theodora - well, an actress which was considered the same thing in those days - and stuck with her despite severe and vocal public criticism from his political opponents. Those comments were almost as bad as some of the ones about Mrs. Trump nowadays.

There were also more than a few women of incredible stature and influence throughout the Middle Ages - from Saint Bathilde (involved in eliminating slavery in Christendom at that time) to St. Hilda of Whitby (google them).

Catholicism isn't perfect and never will be - but always remember it was Catholicism (and ONLY Catholicism) that moved the world into the modern era. It wasn't libertarianism or secularism, certainly not socialism or communism, and even Protestantism was a mixed bag, especially on the racism/slavery issue. All four of the major Protestant denominations in the USA split before or during the Civil War on the issue of (racist) slavery. Catholicism did not - and pretty much opposed both racism and racist slavery after the Valladolid Debate in the middle of the 16th century. Certainly SOME Catholics owned slaves in the South, but that was a sin and not approved by the Magesterium of the Church.

And before all the Christian bashers applaud themselves over the mixed opinions on race and slavery BY Christians - just remember ALL the Enlightenment "Age of Reason" Great Philosophers were themselves racist (definitely) and approved of racist slavery (mostly.) That would be Locke, Kant, Hume, Rousseau, Jefferson (of course!) and even Franklin (before he finally had a change of heart and freed his two house servant slaves and then headed up the Philadelphia Abolitionist Society.)

Finally, on the issue of newly found old, old writings. Your's is but fiction but also based on some actual reality, as many different noncanonical "Gospels" have been discovered and translated and made known. But just because some writing is very old and has been "hidden away" doesn't mean it is "the truth" and worthy of overturning the canonical record - not JUST the New Testament writings but the spoken word (as well as written) of all the Church Fathers and the very history itself as it has unfolded.

There have already been all kinds of heretical "Christian"sects down thru history, including Arianism that was addressed at the very first Council of Nicea. Instead of the drivel Dan Brown spouted in "The Da Vinci Code", the vote by the more than 300 Bishops at that Council wasn't even close, only two voted FOR Arianism, and the Emperor Constantine (not yet baptized himself) merely accepted the Council's decision. Arian went back to Alexandria and continued preaching. Arianism continued alive for centuries afterwards, even after Emperor Theodosius made Christianity (Catholicism) THE official religion of the Empire.

But anyway, I enjoy your writings and this story and as always, 5 stars from me.

Damn, I’ve read the original, and both your chapters so far, very smooth. Thank you for continuing this wonderful story.

I have been reading a lot of your stories, and I have to say I was very disappointed with this one. The story itself is OK, but it does highlight how much of a Mary Sue your main male characters always are.

1) Characters development:

The main problem you have with your character design is that you have no greys. You seem to hate that. Either a character is "good" or "bad". The original story was all about how people who fancied themselves as "good" were not clearly so. So instead of your characters growing they stay the same e.g. Jo seem over the course of your work "get" the issue. Where are Jake/Pete is "perfect" from the start and doesn't change. Strangely though Jake/Pete is much more of an a-hole than Jo ever was. I mean, what she did was cruel and horrible. But somehow what Jake/Pete does is what OK? Someone interested in the truth would know not everything could have been a lie. But he doesn't grow that way. Everyone bends towards his way eventually (which seems to happen to all your main male characters).

2) Consistency:

It seems like you didn't really have a plan for where this is going. For example you stated earlier in these stories that Maddy was a good lover but didn't compare to Jo (in intensity). Because you seem to be building towards some kind of reconciliation. Then by the end "Jo can't compare to Maddy"... ummmm.... what???? When did this happen? Why did it go from "it will never be more than casual with Maddy" to "she the one for me" with no clue, no lead in and no development of any kind? I suspect it's cause you seems to have changed your mind (not unlike how his name changed from "Jake" to "Pete" with no explanation -- something you can't just do without explaining it and for good reason).

3) Planning:

What was the point of the Jo development if it would come to nothing. That's the main issue with the way you ended the relationship. It made me angry, because all I could think about was "why did you make me invest so much emotionally into her if you were going just drop it with no warning". I suspect this is why a lot of the negative comments were placed here.

My constructive criticism:

I did like you taking him into the world of espionage despite what others had planned for him. But if you're going to take someone else's characters... you have to USE those characters as they came. Otherwise, why not just make your own? A more interesting way to have done this would have been to have him realize why the world was horrible (and why they kept him out)... but still found his way through his way (not unlike what you did). But show that those kinds of decision come with consequences.

Have him struggle with his relationship with Jo, have her change. But have him also see that she's not this "Monster" and he's not this "saint". Good stories depend on the main characters vulnerabilities and how they manage to overcome them. What was his vulnerabilities?

Mostly I hope you stop making your characters Mary Sue fantasy guys who are the best at everything. The stories are more interesting that way.

Very good continuation of the story.

So looking forward to "Jihad!!!!"

I would have lliked to see you put something in around the funeral of Jo and Josh involving the girls approaching their father at the end of the funeral and handing him an envelope with a note and check to him for $50,000.

The card would start with them telling him that Jo told them why he divorced her and they would ask now that you have your dream career was it worth the cost, a mother, a brother and almost a husband ? The check is a reimbursement for the cost of their weddings and the money came from the sale of his gifts of jewelry as they no longer need them to remind them of the pain they caused the family. They would state that until there is 100% certainty that they are safe he is not welcome anywhere near them and that there would be no communications of any kind. They were relocating for safety and did not want to be found because of him. They would also state that even after their safety was certain they would make a decsion about his involvement in their lives. They stated that his new "slut" Maddy will never be welcomed and allowed anywhere near them. They would close stating that for the moment he was not their father but "the sperm donor" and end by saying "good bye Pete no, good bye Jake.

Some revenge from the girls........

Just a thought.....

Hello, I enjoyed the story all the way up to the bombing where his son, Sherry, Jo and some others were killed. I was OK with Jo and the others but not Josh and Sherry. Not sure if I'll read jihad or not.

Wow! Heck of a ride. I actually started and got a few paragraphs into S7 Jihad before any of the others. It took that long for me to figure out that there was at least one previous story - I blame the Cuba Libre I'd had previously and the one I was working on for the time it took to realize that.

So I started with the first story, by the other author - sorry, terrible with names - and went on reading over the last day or so (lots of interruptions) completely sober, until I got here.

It's a great story/plot. I'm really looking forward to going on to the next chapter. Thanks for posting this.

Awesome read, awesome story and I can't stop. I will hate it when I read the last chapter as you have made these characters and stories so strong and believable. Thank you.

Awesome chapter!!! Glad he refused to be seduced into RAAC by Jo. Maddy may not be beautiful; but loyalty is true beauty!!!

I really enjoyed the story, at the end I thought maybe that Maddie would get killed off while they were returning the scrolls and that Pete would reunite with Jo. It blind sided me when they killed off Jo and Josh, I didn't see that coming. It will be interesting how Pete will exact his revenge for killing Jo and Josh. Story was well written and had a great story line. 5 stars

Excellent story, you just can't keep peak vigilance up that long. Sooner or later the exreme radicals will try another attack. Well written can't wait for the final chapter. The professor plays a great part and shows what must be done, attacks must, I say must, be answered otherwise it shows a sign of weakness. Force is the only thing the muslim terrorist believe in.

Keep writing

Great story. I do wish you would edit and repost it with corrections/mistakes such as the first grandchild changing from being born a girl changed into a boy at 8 or 10 months.

Thanks,

Craig

Great job. I knew something was afoot, not what, but I ENJOYED. GREAT job writing. Thanks for writing.

20 Stars

Great story telling and great writting

Another one of your masterpieces. Good character development, especially for Pete, as we see his rage building until it reaches jihad level.

5* ++++

BJ

Outstanding. Only way to describe this one. And I’m going directly to the next chapter immediately. It’s certainly a Five star story but that’s only because that’s the max allowed. Thanks, Q.

Such an incredable tale.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Somewhat unbelievably your protagonist is an even bigger shit in this episode than the last. You seem to believe you writing about a character full of moral certainty and good judgement. Turns out he really is just an unprincipled turd.

Although I agree with JusteenK, I did enjoy this story better than the previous instalment. I was sure that you were going to kill Maddy, killing Jo was almost a mercy after the way that he treated her. Looking forward to the next instalment.

Pete, just pissed off Pete. Double Oh something.

Q you better not leave this hanging like you did Rocky Racoon, or I’ll write something as a follow up having Rocky going jihad in South Dakota!

Oh Kay 10 on the five scale, a lamb, a goat, and a Moon Pie….Deluxe for you literary effort.

I hate that Josh had to die, but I understand it. Excellent story. Well written. I finally figured out the Jake/Pete thing. Don't know why it took me so long.