Salvation Ch. 01

"No problem." The driver caught Nate's eyes in the rearview mirror as he pulled back on to the highway. His eyes were pale green against his dark skin.

Nate huddled back against the seat as the driver accelerated, sending trees and houses spinning past at dizzying speed.

"Going home, are we?" The driver's voice didn't match his face.

Nate wrapped his arms across his chest.

"Please let me go," he whispered.

"What is your address, please?"

Nate glanced up sharply as the driver's voice changed.

"Fifty-five Greenwood terrace. You don't have to take me all the way there."

"I am happy to." The driver gave him a warm smile via the rear view mirror. "It will be my good deed for the day."

Gratitude stung Nate's eyes. "Thank you."

The driver set his eyes back on the road, while Nate rested his head on the window to watch the world go past.

* * * * *

Cara was beyond thrilled to see him.

"My boy!" She pulled him into a hug that threatened to crush him. She pulled back and put her hands against his ribs. "What's happened to you? There's nothing left of you!" She looked as if she was about to cry.

Nate bowed his head, unable to explain any of it.

"Nate? Fuck!" His younger brother Ty came into the kitchen and pulled him into a hug. "We thought you were dead!"

He let Nate go and searched his face. "Why didn't you call, man? Where have you been?"

"I had to get away."

Ty's eyebrows drew together. He gave his brother a searching look, but didn't push it.

"You need something to eat," said Cara. "You boys go sit down and I'll make some dinner."

"Thank you." Nate was almost physically sick with gratitude.

In the lounge, Ty sat with him on the couch.

"Talk to me man. You don't have to tell Cara, but you need to tell me. What happened? Where have you been?"

Nate took a breath in, his eyes prickling.

Ty put a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, man. It's okay."

"I'm sorry, Ty. I should have called, but... I lost my phone. And my car. And my wallet."

"What happened?"

I drugged myself to stop a maniac finding me.

"I needed some time out."

"You just disappeared! You didn't tell Colin, you didn't tell us. Ash was beside herself."

Nate closed his eyes, suddenly filled with an overwhelming sense of shame. He wanted to say, 'but she left', but he knew if it didn't wash with Pax, it wasn't going to wash with Ty.

"I got confused," he said finally. He blinked up at the ceiling. "Fuck I'm so tired."

"Your room's still empty," said Pax. "You need anything?"

Nate shook his head, thinking, Yes. I need Ash. I need Ash badly.

"Some proper sleep on an actual bed. It's been a while."

Ty nodded. "Okay, man. Go. I'll call you for dinner."

* * * * *

Nate pushed open the door to his room and looked around. Cara had tidied it, but otherwise it was as he'd left it when he'd moved out two years prior.

He closed the door behind him and stretched out on top of the bed. He could still smell La Male Terrible. He lifted the lapel of his shirt to his nose and dropped it again.

He'd hurt Pax badly. He knew he had. And the guy hadn't deserved it. But if Vince could manifest inside anyone, then he had to keep his distance from people he cared about until he could figure out what Vince wanted.

And if he manifests inside Ty?

The thought send a shudder through him. The one thing that gave him hope was that Vince had seemed to respect Ty. Maybe that would keep him safe. Keep them both safe.

Despite his anxiety, months of abusing his body had taken its toll. Surrounded in his ex-lover's scent, he closed his eyes and gave into sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 5

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pax sat on the couch, berating himself for the way he'd handled Nate. For a moment he'd seen real fear in his lover's eyes.

Vince. He called me Vince.

Pax had only met the guy once, and he hadn't much liked what he'd seen. Vince had radiated violence and a kind of savage sexuality that Pax knew had had a profound effect on Nate.

In the months he, Ash and Nate had spent together, he'd never had sex with either of them alone, although he knew the couple had shared a bed before Ash left for her course in Australia.

When the three of them were together, both Ash and Nate had seemed happy. But Ash had told him privately that Nate was going off the rails, not long before she left.

It wasn't that she didn't love Nate—Pax knew she did. But he'd got the feeling she felt overpowered by him. In Vince's wake, Nate had become overtly sexual, chatting up anyone and everyone. He'd lure home strangers from clubs with the promise of sex, then change his mind and kick them out, leading to frustrated fights in the middle of the night.

It hadn't surprised Pax when he'd disappeared, but he'd still hoped Nate would find his way back from whatever inner demons tormented him.

Neither Nate or Ash had wanted to talk about what had happened with Vince, but Ash had confided that she was convinced the man wasn't entirely human. That he was some kind of avenging spirit, sent to teach Nate a lesson. It was all bound up in that bizarre tattoo. And as much as Pax hadn't felt comfortable believing in a vengeful spirit, he couldn't deny that the text on the tattoo had changed between the first time he'd met Nate and the next time he'd seen him.

The name underneath, 'Inteus'—a Native American name meaning 'shameless', had morphed to read 'Adal', which Nate had told him meant 'honourable'.

Short of him getting the text lasered off and replaced overnight, Pax was forced to believe that much of his story.

He looked down at his hand and realised his glass... and the whiskey bottle, were empty.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and stared at it. He should call Nate. Tell him he'd help him through whatever he was going through. But he didn't have a phone number for Nate's family—didn't know where they lived. He scrolled through his contacts. He thought he might have had Ty's number, but it wasn't there.

The phone vibrated in his hand as it rang. Ash.

He held it to his ear. "Hello?"

"Pax! Did you find him? Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's okay."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God. Is he there? Can I talk to him?"

"No..." Pax broke off. "He left. We kissed, and then something... strange happened."

"What?"

"We were kissing, and he called me 'Vince'. Then he panicked and took off."

"Shit." Her voice was a whisper. "Wait, you just let him go? He's not well!"

"I had to! He accused me of fucking with him again. You know I can't handle that. It makes me feel like an asshole."

She sighed. "Yeah. I know. God he can be a brat."

"Tell me about it."

She was silent for a moment. "I could come home."

Pax gave a humourless laugh. "There's no point, Ash. He'll just cling to you and nothing will change. He needs to sort this shit out once and for all."

"I love him," she said helplessly.

"I know." Yes. He knew. "Hey, Ash, do you have a number for his mother?"

"I'll text you Ty's number. He'll help you out. And that way you won't freak out Cara."

"Okay." Pax couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice. "I'll keep his dirty secret."

"It's not like that. I just want him to be comfortable with who he is before he's outed."

"Yep."

His phone buzzed as her text came through.

"Give Ty a call. I'll check in with him too. Let's hope Nate made it home this time."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 6

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nate woke to find he'd slept all the way through. He checked the wardrobe and found some old jeans and a shirt he'd left behind when he'd moved out. They'd been too small when he'd left, but they looked as though they'd fit now.

He grabbed a towel from the hall cupboard and headed down to the bathroom to wash Pax's scent off him.

After his shower, he joined Cara and Ty as they ate breakfast at the kitchen table.

"How are you love?" Cara gave him a brilliant smile.

The kitchen was filled with sunlight and the scent of coffee and Nate felt a knot in his gut relax.

"Better," he said. "Is there anything to eat?"

She nodded towards the stove top. "Bacon and eggs. I left you some. "

He found a plate of food waiting for him, and put on some toast.

"Ash rang." Ty gave him a closed look that made Nate wonder what the hell she'd told him. "She asked if you can ring her back. She left her number."

Nate checked the piece of paper by the phone. An Australian number.

"Hey, Cara, I hate to be a sponge, but would you mind lending me some money for a cellphone and a few other things while I sort myself out with the bank?"

"And Colin?" she asked.

Nate sighed. "Yeah, and Colin. Although I don't expect you to lend me enough to cover the car."

"I'll transfer some money across."

"And I'll give you a lift to the bank," said Ty. "After you call Ash."

Again, he gave his brother that same, flat look.

"Sounds good," said Nate. He kept his tone light. He didn't think Ash would have outed him, even to Ty, but with her, you never knew.

It was free to call Australia from a cellphone, so after he'd finished his breakfast Nate borrowed Ty's phone and went into his room to call her.

"Nate! Thank God you're alive!"

"Yeah, thanks for telling Pax where I was." His voice dripped sarcasm. "He was really thrilled to see me."

"Six days running I had the same dream before I told him to go look for you. Six days in a row. You were lying on a couch in a filthy room, off your nut on drugs, and then some punk lit the rubbish on fire. You couldn't get out. You burned to death."

"Yeah, well, clearly that didn't happen."

"Check your Facebook messages. I sent you a link."

Nate signed into Facebook and clicked on the link. It took him to an article on a local media website. The headline: METH HOUSE BURNS DOWN, SEVEN INSIDE. There was a photo.

"Look familiar?" she asked.

Nate felt sick. "This happened last night?"

"Yeah. So now are you glad I sent Pax to find you?"

"Wait, you thought I was going to die, and you sent Pax?"

"I don't know if you know this about living in different countries, but you have to take planes across oceans, and you have to book them, and then it takes a few hours to fly from one country to another."

"You had the dream for six days," Nate muttered.

"You've alive, fuck-brain. Don't be ungrateful. And tell me this... your tattoo... does it say 'Inteus' again?"

Nate sighed. "Yes."

"You seriously need to get your shit together!" She sounded furious. "I'm only here for eighteen months. Are you seriously telling me you can't not fuck up for eighteen months?"

"Maybe eighteen months," he spat back. "You said you might stay on."

"I also said you could always join me if I do," she said. "I'm sure there's a car yard in Sydney that needs your expertise."

Nate threw himself down on the bed and toyed with the wand that opened the blinds.

"I didn't think you wanted me there."

The anger in her voice relented. "Not while I'm studying, no. I need to concentrate. I can't keep an eye on you."

"Why do you and Pax both treat me like a child?"

"Because that's how you behave half the time!" she snapped back. "Besides, I left you with Pax knowing he'd take care of you. Why'd you ditch him?"

Before he could speak, she interrupted.

"If you say 'I'm not gay' one more time, I'll slap you so fucking hard, Nathan fucking Lloyd!'

He started to laugh and after a moment, she did too.

"I don't know what to do with him, Ash. He's dominant, which is fine, but he's so sensitive about things. He confuses the fuck out of me. I don't know who I am around him."

"Do you care about him?"

Nate was quiet for a long moment. "I think so. I just feel safer when we're all together. I don't know what to do when it's just us."

"Fuck it, I want to see your face."

The phone beeped and he pressed the icon to start a video call.

Ash's dark hair was piled up on top of her head and her skin had a soft glow. She looked as though she'd just finished working out.

"You look fantastic," said Nate. A grin spread across his face.

"Don't give me that grin and keep your goddamn hands off your cock," she said. "Pay attention to what I'm about to say. You've got an opportunity to figure out how you want to relate to men here. Pax is not just a great guy, he's someone you can be safe with. You're attracted to him, right?"

Nate nodded reluctantly. "But I don't know if that's just because of Vince..."

"Forget Vince for a second. If you don't want to be around Pax, you don't have to be. But don't avoid him because you're afraid of that part of yourself. I've seen that side of you and it's... I dunno. Beautiful. It's a softer side of you that I haven't seen much before. You let yourself be vulnerable with him, instead of the sex-crazed maniac you taught yourself to be growing up."

Nate shook his head. "Do you know how fucked up that sounds? 'Vulnerable' -- what man wants to be fucking vulnerable? That's not exactly an 'alpha' trait, Ash."

Her eyes flashed with annoyance. "Okay, now we can talk about Vince. He found you for a reason, and at least in your mind, he's clearly not done with you yet. Something in you still needs to be figured out. I think Pax can help you do that."

Nate closed his eyes for moment. "If I don't want to know that side of myself, I shouldn't have to."

"No, you don't, you're right, and no one should push you to do anything that doesn't feel right. But if nothing else, Pax is a friend. I'm not saying you have to fuck him or even hang out with him. But how many friends do you have? Real friends, people who know you? I can't be there for you and I'm afraid of what you might do if you don't care about yourself. So please, stay in contact with both of us. Even if it's just a call once a week. We can Skype, like we used to. Will you do that for me?"

Nate rolled his eyes. "Sure."

"Oh, and I told Ty you're bi."

"What?" Nate exploded off the bed. "You did what?"

"I don't trust you!" she said. "You nearly died last night. In case you don't keep your word, I wanted to make sure someone knew what was going on with you."

"You had no right!" he hissed.

He ended the call. Ash tried to call back, but he killed the call again. Twice more. Finally, he turned the phone off. He heard the landline in the kitchen ring and stormed into the lounge. He tossed the cellphone to Ty as he walked to the front door.

"I'm going out."

"Wait, what about the bank?"

Nate ignored his brother and slammed the door behind him.

He didn't know where he was going to go; he just knew he needed to get away. His face was flushed with heat, his pulse racing. He did not want his family to know about this shit. He wasn't okay with it, and he sure as fuck didn't want to be explaining his relationship with men to his gay younger brother. He knew Ty would be supportive, that he'd offer advice. And that would make it all real.

He turned into the alley near his house and slammed his fist against the corrugated iron fence as he walked, leaving it vibrating.

Fucking Ash. When had she become his keeper?

Maybe if everyone refers to you as a child, that's a hint you need to grow up.

His own mind condescending to him now.

At the end of the alley was a park. He stalked across the field, his hands shoved down in his pockets, wanting to punch someone. Anyone would do.

The park was home to the local rugby club and some local kids in their late teens were crowded around the water fountains outside, smoking.

As Nate walked past them, a guy built like a brick shithouse, called out to him.

"Hey!"

Nate, who'd spent years working out to get the kind of physique that most people avoided conflict with, realised that with his recent weight loss, he must now look like an easy mark to these kids.

He stopped in his tracks and slowly turned to face the one who'd called out to him. The boy, a couple of years younger than Nate had a bulk Nate knew took hours of work at the gym, his body built from solid muscle. He had the swagger of someone who enjoyed showing off in front of his smaller, younger mates.

Nate eyed the teenager with eyes bright with rage as the kid strolled up to him, every step a pit bull's solid roll of muscle.

"You got any smokes?"

"I don't smoke."

"Got any cash?"

"Get fucked."

A smile broke out on the other man's face. "What did you just say to me?"

"Get. Fucked."

Nate could feel adrenaline flowing into muscles weakened by months of disuse and malnutrition.

The kid took in Nate's rising anger and grinned. "No need to be rude. I just wanted a fag and you looked like you—"

Nate hit him. The kid reeled back and immediately found his feet. He swung for Nate, but Nate moved out of the way and smashed an elbow into the back of the kid's neck, sending him staggering.

"Nate, stop, fuck!"

Ty ran across the field towards him as the teenager righted himself and came at Nate again. This time, Nate's block wasn't strong enough to stop the kid's haymaker. The kid's fist glanced off Nate's cheek, snapping his neck sideways.

Dazed, Nate took a moment to right himself and found Ty facing off against all three teenagers.

"He's done," said Ty.

Nate realised that in the last year or so, his little brother had started to fill out. He would always be a head shorter, but he currently had more muscle mass.

"He started it," said the kid. He put a hand unconsciously to the back of his neck.

"And I'm stopping it. He's not well. Okay?"

The kid lifted his head in an acknowledgement. "He a mental case?"

Ty reached behind him and put a placating hand against Nate's chest.

"He's had a rough time. We'll go now."

The kid's eyes slid sideways to Nate. Even if the kid had wanted to hit him again, Nate could see he'd sized up the likelihood of taking both brothers and decided against it.

"Fuck off then," said the kid. He went back to leaning against the wall. Nate wanted to grab his shirt and nut him, punch him till his nose broke and he cried for his mother.

"Nate, let's go."

Ty grabbed his brother's arm but Nate shook him off.

"Nate? Come on."

Ty gave him a glance and then started off across the field towards a cluster of trees at the far end. With a backward glance at the teenager to make sure he wasn't going to attack him from behind, Nate followed him.

Ty was silent until they reached the trees, then motioned for Nate to sit beside him on a park bench in the shade.

Nate dropped on to the bench, the rage in him still simmering. His brother gave him a cautious look. "So. Ash told me what's been going on. Is it true?"

"She had no right to say anything to you."

"She said you met a guy the night of my party. Did she mean Pax Mills? I thought you two were just joking around."

Nate rolled his eyes. "She has a big mouth."

"Nate, what the hell? Why did you not want to tell me? Did you really think I'd judge you?"

"Did she tell you about Vince?" Nate asked. He turned to look at his brother. "Or did she leave that for me to explain?"

Ty's brow furrowed. "No. Wait—do you mean the guy I met at the festival?"

Nate threw his head back and looked up the seagulls wheeling above. "Yes. That Vince."

"What about him? He moved in with you for like, what, a week? What'd he do to you?"

Nate met his gaze. "He fucked me, Ty. And not just metaphorically. He made me suck his dick. And then he made me suck the dick of the husband of one of the women I was fucking, and then he fucked me in the ass. Twice."

Ty's eyes went round with shock. "Did he hurt you?"

"Yes," said Nate.

"Did you call the cops?"

"No, I did not call the cops, because a) I don't think he was human, and b) I think I wanted him to do it."